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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on October 7, 2018 at 12:46am

Well, we are a sad group. For those of us who have been posting here for a while it may be especially tough because we hoped that time would help us heal. Maybe it will, but apparently it's going to take a lot longer than we knew.

There is so much more to this than missing our moms, though that is sure the worst part. It's horrible. I feel for all of you guys. Bluebell, what you have gone through since your mom died is horrible, and now you have to worry about your own health. A broken heart hurts enough without having physical pain as well. Lord knows, I dread the holidays, too. I lost my mom on Christmas Eve, and it was Thanksgiving Day when I realized, without question, that she would die soon.

Theresa, there is something unsaid but I can see it. Your husband doesn't understand what you are going through. I'm not married but I know that feeling. And I bet that you never feel quite as alone as when you miss your mom the most, and he just doesn't understand. To understand what you feel, he would have to have his heart ripped out. We can't just can't, "Get over it". We can't just pull ourselves up by our boot straps. It doesn't work that way. And like me, you focus all of your love on a sweet dog because, like our moms, they love us unconditionally. And not a day goes by when I don't look at my little dog and think, "You're going to leave me, too. You don't want to, but you have to."

Avi, I do feel like this is my karma. That scares me. People tell me that God doesn't want me to be unhappy. I would tell them the same thing. That's just hard to believe when you're the one that it's happening to.

You are all in my prayers. Virginia, I can't believe that this is as bad as prison. If I were in prison, and my mom was still alive, she would come visit me, but I can't imagine the guilt I would feel when I saw her, for doing whatever I did that put me there. I feel guilty enough as it is. Besides, I'm too pretty to go to jail. I don't want a dadgum boyfriend.

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 6, 2018 at 8:10am

I am doing poorly emotionally and physically. I dread the holidays that are coming up. I dread the mornings and the nights. I do not know what to do anymore to find some peace and meaning in life. I am fearful a lot. I feel so helpless and useless. I try to be positive, but I keep sinking. Not feeling well physically is not helping my state of mind at all. I am reaching out for more support, but at the same time, I think I should be able to pull myself up by my boot straps and feel guilty about it. It is not just about my Mom. It is about the brain bleed, the back/buttocks pain etc.  My worst fear is being a burden to my family and friends.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on October 6, 2018 at 6:46am

Hi Virginia, 

I am ready for a skype call at avitiwari26@gmail.com 

Comment by Virginia G on October 6, 2018 at 3:59am

Brett,

i feel like I’m in prison too except it’s worse.  At least there you get visits from the person you love.

Comment by Virginia G on October 6, 2018 at 3:57am

Has anyone exchanged phone numbers as mentioned?

Comment by Avi on October 5, 2018 at 3:39am

Hi Guys

I am also struggling to meet terms with life. I was travelling in last month, went to Europe for office work but I did not enjoy at all. I used to love travelling and going to new places but it is all worthless now. I was just doing it for the sake of it. 

The eternal happiness that I used to get to hear my mother laugh in the adjacent room is gone. I still remember her last words and know that she wanted to live more to see her grand children but destiny had some other plans. 

Brett, you mentioned that you do not understand how God works. Same is with me, I do not clearly understand. Lot of people say me it is all because of karma. My past deeds is causing me so much pain, I try to accept but it is hard. 

I also do not get any signs from anywhere that my mother is with me.

Comment by Virginia G on October 5, 2018 at 1:01am

Hi I haven’t been on in a while.  How is everyone?  Found out my Dad has cancer.  Multiple myeloma, he has bad back pain.  At first he said he just has to take a pill and I wasn’t even going to go to his appointments.  I wanted nothing to do with it, too painful, too many reminders.  His back got worse and I began to have to do things around the house.  I had to go to stores and places I didn’t want to go.  Then he started to get confused so I went to his oncologist appt as much as I feared it.  They admitted him to the hospital because his calcium was dangerously low.  I couldn’t go in the room the first day.  I talked to the nurse and left.  I went in the second somehow.  He was out in a few days.  He started his chemo pill and after four days was on the hospital for pneumonia.  I sat in the ER wondering what on earth was happening.  Is this some kind of sick twisted twilight zone?  What am I doing?  How am I possibly even humanly sable to be here?  I guess I became numb, I felt like a complete robot, doing what I had to.  I cleaned and got him what I thought he might need at the house.  He was in for a week during which I could only stand to come for an hour or so each night.  He is doing better but I cannot help take care of him and do all the housework and do everything especially since I’m in the middle of grieving!  My ocd is going crazy again.  I have constant anxiety.  I can barely drag myself off the couch, I’m tired all the time.  My grief is getting worse because everything is feeling more real.  My Dad doesn’t really get how I feel.  I am so lonely and people are getting tired of me stopping over when I want to get out of the house.  And lastly, Sunday is my day of birth and I refuse to spend it without her!!!  That’s just too much to ask of me.

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 4, 2018 at 7:09pm

Theresa, I know that feeling. There has been at least three times today when I have looked at my little dog's smiling face, and I just sat down on the floor next to her and cried. She's almost 13. In so many ways I feel that she is all that I have left of my mom.

The problem is that our mom's were a tangible thing. We could hug the and have conversation with the, We could tell them that we loved them and they would tell us that they loved us back. With God it's all about faith. And in that regard I have not been a faithful servant. I just feel very alone. I don't give up hope. I ask him for help every day, but it is just one bad thing after another. I don't understand.

Comment by Theresa on October 4, 2018 at 4:54pm
As I am cooking dinner I’m crying telling my mom you probably can see me but I don’t know that I miss you so much words cannot tell sadly I don’t have anyone to talk to no one except basically you or anyone else on the site my life has changed if I want to do something I do it I am living every day like it is my last and if it was my list I know I would be happy with my mom.....I’m dealing with my senior labrador retriever is 11 he is arthritic knowing from having other dogs they live to maybe 13 I’m dreading that but I am living in the moment at least I’m trying I have not been to Yoga in months I just don’t have that initiative I’m at a loss I just don’t know what to do anymore people say that I am mean I’m not nice maybe I am but I can tell you my life has changed I just don’t care anymore about anybody or anything except for my dog I go to church on Friday mornings where I volunteer at adoration and I pray to God I say please please just help me maybe he is and I just don’t know it maybe I should be grateful and I just don’t know it
Comment by Brett Bowman on October 4, 2018 at 3:13pm

After the church service on Sunday my minister asked me how I was doing. I could tell by the look on his face that he was afraid that I was going to answer him. I just said, "fine."

A few weeks ago I was at the gym and it hit me all at once. I just don't see myself as having any value. My value was as a caretaker for my mom. Now, I feel like I'm just taking up space and holding on to days that are long gone.

I feel like I am serving prison time. I pray so much but I just feel like I am atoning for something, and that this isn't over until I pay my debt in full.

That may not be true. Maybe God just wants me to be happy but I just don't understand how he works, Maybe I don't know how to pray. I just know that my mom is gone and it's like it all happened yesterday. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

 

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