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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28.

I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

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Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 3:11pm

Bluebell,

Are you having more symptoms to make you think this?  Or is it from the anxiety of the one you had?  Did they say how long it would take for it to resolve?  

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 12, 2018 at 3:04pm

Bluebell, I have experienced this and it was the scariest time in my life. It was caused by a concussion. After leaving the hospital I had lingering issues. I had trouble putting two and two together. I went back to the ER twice. The consensus was that I may still have bleeding. I didn't understand why they just wouldn't give me another scan to see for themselves. I just had to wait. It seemed to me that the decision was that either I would get better or I wouldn't. I felt very helpless.

You are in my prayers. And we are always here if you ever feel scared. Stay strong my friend.

Comment by BLUEBELL on July 12, 2018 at 2:26pm

I am asking for your prayers please. I am very afraid of having another bleed in my brain. I am so depressed and so very easily irritated, that it is hard to live with myself. I am not feeling positive about my future. I know this is not related to the loss of my Mom, but since you are all such supportive people, I thought you might be willing to help me.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 12, 2018 at 1:50pm

Pamela, my dad was horrible. As great as my mom was, my dad was her polar opposite. Since my mom's death I have met three new sisters. All women that were born while my mom and dad were married. My mom didn't know anything about them. That doesn't even begin to cover my dad's flaws and selfishness. He finally decided that he did not want the responsibility of having children and disappeared. Good riddance as far as I'm concerned.

There is one big difference between our situations. You obviously love your mom regardless of what transpired. I'm a religious guy but I also think for myself. I want very much to be honest with myself. It's not necessarily a matter of forgiving your mom. There's an old saying, "I can forgive but I can't forget." My dad and your mom are gone now. Regardless of what they did, they cannot hurt us anymore unless we let them. My best advice would be this... you love your mom. Love her warts and all. You don't have to approve of anything that she did that caused pain. It's over now. The residue of what she did may still be here, but there is nothing you can do now to change anything that happened. All you can do now is allow yourself to heal. Let it go if you can.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 12, 2018 at 1:26pm

Virginia, this is hard to answer because you are in a dangerous situation. Words carry a lot of weight to someone who actually listens. Please, if you ever feel the desire or need to harm yourself, call 911.

You identified the problem when you wrote, "That will never happen." You have given yourself a life sentence. You have decided to punish yourself for life. That defies reason. It's also heartbreaking to anyone who cares about you.

You know how to live. You breathe in and out. Having a quality of life is going to require work, and I am afraid that as part of your self imposed punishment, you don't think you deserve to be happy or even content.

That is a big problem. You know that God forgives you. You know that your mother forgives you. What your mom's doctor is doing is somewhat extraordinary. I imagine that he knows you have no reason to feel a lifetime of guilt. Everyone of us here feels guilt. Lord knows I do, but I also know that my guilt is undeserved and self imposed. It's just something that we do to ourselves, like we don't already feel badly enough. Our moms are gone, and it's as if the grief has us so beaten down that we feel guilty about even the notion of being happy again.

Virginia, make good choices.  Any choice that you make that brings you more self imposed pain is a bad choice.

Comment by Avi on July 12, 2018 at 12:26pm
Hi Pamela,

As your mom is not with you, I guess you can forget all lies she told you because those may be the situational action required at that time.
Now you can pray for her and as you told that you love her a lot, she is at peace for sure.
Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 12:25pm

I’m so scared of everything.  Everything is so wrong.  Nothing makes sense.  I don’t know how to live or want to. 

Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 12:14pm

Pamela,

if you want to tell, what kind of things did she lie about?

Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 12:13pm

I already told the dr he could talk to my therapist.  I couldn’t get answers so maybe she can.  She was a social worker in a cancer center before.  The doctor said he wanted to take away my guilt.  That will never happen.  Besides what I did wrong in the hospital there is so much more.  I should’ve never let it get to that point.  Things were getting increasingly worse the month before and I should’ve asked for a scan sooner.  It’s so heartbreaking to think what she went through and that I didn’t help her.  She loves life and deserves to live.  How could I let this happen to the person I love more than anything

Comment by Pamela philipp on July 12, 2018 at 11:50am

next month it will be three years since I lost my mom the problem I have is eight days after I lost her I lost my husband as well and I honestly haven't grieved for her at all also I carry a lot of anger when it comes to my mother growing up with her was not easy and all the lies she told are by any standard impossible to forgive and I feel terrible that I feel this way because I do miss her everyday I just don't know how to let go of hurt and anger I do love her and pray to find forgiveness but I know its not working how can I truly find forgiveness when the pain and anger she caused is sitting in the fore front what do I do ?????

 

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