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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by SelV on November 26, 2018 at 6:33pm

Oh well Brett...I am not an authority on life and death and I do not subscribe to any organised religions. All I know is that I lived in my mum's womb for 9-10 months and she had all always been there for me after I came out from her till her last breath. So when she died she took part of me away. I cannot quantify the part in fraction or percentage.

For those whose lives revolved around our mothers especially as caregivers, 24/7, the loss of our mothers and the accompanying pain cannot be explained by mere words. So we cry, feel guilty, express our regrets, get angry and sometimes think, say or write things without thinking due to overwhelming grief. This process comes and go, comes and go. 

The purpose of life is to live. The worthiness of it is an individual perception based on one's life experiences.

Right now, I exist because I have not made peace with myself and have not come to terms with my mother's death. I had her with me for almost 57 years...the good, the bad and the ugly!

Good day everyone!

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 26, 2018 at 3:20pm

SeLV, you are right that we should all encourage each other, but we have to be responsible as well. I will not encourage the notion that life isn't worth living. 

Comment by M Adams on November 24, 2018 at 2:12pm

Coincidentally I was just writing something about a strange slip of the tongue that was happening to me after my husband died.  It eventually stopped, then started happening again in the weeks after my mother's recent death -- found myself saying 'when I died' instead of 'when he died,' or 'when she died.'  I guess this feeling of having died is part of the experience when we lose someone that we are so bonded with, that some part of us doesn't distinguish between self and the beloved person, and suddenly we have to acknowledge that separation, but it may take time to catch up with the new reality.

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 24, 2018 at 10:21am

After I loss my mom I told a few people that I died when my mom did. I was wrong. I still got hungry and cold. I still love my dog. It's a reality that we all have to live with. We are alive. What we do with that life is up to us.

Every day, we can look for even the smallest inkling of joy, or we can just let the grief consume us. We have a choice to make. It may not seem like we have a choice. There are some things that are unavoidable. Yearning for our moms like a child, missing our moms, that may always be, but if we choose to punish ourselves, there will come a time when even good people people will walk away from us because they know that we are wrong to do so. They know that our mothers would not blame us for their deaths. The reality is that everyone dies. We may be prepared for our own death, but we will probably never be prepared for the death of the person we love the most.

Comment by SelV on November 24, 2018 at 7:37am

Dear all...let's go easy on everyone here.

The gravity of our grief is correlated to the extent of our relationship with our mothers as well as the circumstances of their death. The guilt and regrets will always be there.

We come to this virtual community to share our pain because out there in the real world people could be judgemental. We could be burdening them or dragging them down with our grief. They probably had enough. 

Brett, you are right...I am alive and could still feel otherwise I will not be crying for my mum. The grief is stronger than me. I am not living but just merely existing because I am still breathing. I pine and yearn for my mother like a little girl everyday. 

Meanwhile, everyone...let's support each other with kind words until we can wrap up our mortal business in this world.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Comment by Theresa on November 24, 2018 at 5:51am

Virginia

Stop it!!!!

We are all in the same situation here, you have got to stop because you mom will not be able to rest in peace trust me.

Look my mom died before I could get there she went in CA, imagine if you were me pulling into the hospital and getting a call from a nurse saying "your mom is is full cardiac arrest, do you want us to do CPR" WTF, I couldn't get out the car fast enough, but too late, never said I love you mom, I live with that every single day of my life, now I have an 11 1/2 year old Labrador who is getting closer to the end of his life, I keep saying to myself ok, this will be "the new normal"

I don't like people anymore, when they are happy I'm like wish I could be like that, but then I think of my mom always happy and compassionate, giving, I need to wake up!

I lean on my faith 100%, I pray please help me God, please, and I'm sure he is, and I know I will see her again, when it is my time.

Comment by Virginia G on November 24, 2018 at 2:20am

Don’t tell her she didn’t die.  I feel dead and maybe so does she.  If nothing matters, might as well be dead.  If you don’t want to experience anything without them...don’t want to tell things to anyone else...don’t have any feelings for anything else...might as well be

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 23, 2018 at 8:07pm

SelV, you didn't die when your mom died. You can still feel everything that is happening to you.

Comment by SelV on November 23, 2018 at 7:16pm

Dear all...I posted way back in April this year. I do not post regularly but I do read all the new posts in this group. I do feel you guys. Come Dec 15, it will be 9 months since my mum passed on.  I was her caregiver for almost 11 years. She lived me with me. Never a day went by, without me crying or bawling for her. Her bedroom is intact and clothes still in her wardrobe. I hug her clothes and call out for her. Sometimes, I sleep on her bed. I dress up her bolster in her clothes and hug them tight as I go to bed. I have not let her go. How to? When she always had my back for more than five decades. She saw me taking my first breath and I was the only one  who saw her taking the last breath. That itself was very traumatic. My siblings tell me to move on...she is in a better place...her sufferings are over. Maybe but my mum's death has burnt my heart and killed my spirit. Everyday, I just go through the motions. The day my mum died, I 'died'. She was more than a mother to me. I feel like I lost my best friend forever. She is my true love...unconditional! 

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 23, 2018 at 9:51am

I said thank you to my mom over and over in the last days. I still feel horrible.

 

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