Information

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 729
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of I miss my Mom! to add comments!

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 28, 2019 at 12:07am

Avi, I have been thinking about your post all day.  And I do not want you to feel like you are alone at all. There's not a day that goes by, not an hour when I don't think about my mom. And I think for people like me and Theresa, days have become years. Sadly there comes a time when we see this as the new normal. But three years is still early where grief is concerned. I am always hoping that as time goes on this may get a little easier. And I think there will be times when it feels that way, and then other times when reality slaps us right in the face. For me, I just miss my mom. The guilt has subsided because I loved her SO much, and she knew that. Your mom knows that, too. Missing her still hasn't stopped though. The only thing that I can think of that would make me feel batter is my mom, and I can't have that. So, know that you are not alone. We may be an ocean apart, but I am grieving right next to you.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 27, 2019 at 12:37pm

That's all it takes, Avi. Just one thing that makes you want to get up in the morning. That's a good start.

Comment by Avi on February 27, 2019 at 12:28pm

Hi All, 

Today I again cried remembering my mother. I miss her so much and feels devastated sometimes. My daughter is my motivation to live. 

Comment by Theresa on February 20, 2019 at 5:44am

I envy people also Brett that have a loving support system to help them through what we are going through.

God is love and he wants us to be compassionate and kind, and he will always be by our side.

I believe that

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 17, 2019 at 10:08pm

You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed her body just started to shut down. It was like a little boat that kept springing leaks. We would plug a leak and then there would be another one. I ran out of fingers after a while. I couldn't stop it. Praying couldn't stop it. Her doctors couldn't stop it. Now I am just waiting for another leak to emerge. It's all I know, and it's all I've seen. I can tell another person that things are going to be okay, but I just can't believe it for myself. I am going to have to experience consistent peace and small victories before I can or will believe that things will be okay again. When my mom died my security was just ripped away violently. After a 12 year battle you would think that I had time to prepare, but I was not prepared, and I don't know if you can be prepared to lose the center of your life like that. They say that God is love. In an instant what I loved was gone. So I lost my mom and God suddenly seemed very far away. I have not recovered yet.

I truly envy people who have a loving support system to help them through something like this. 

Comment by M Adams on February 17, 2019 at 12:27pm

Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.  Something bad has always been and will always be around the corner, but before the traumatic loss we weathered bad things, and realized — without really even thinking about it — that there were also good surprises around corners from time to time.  In my case, and my impression is that this is true for lots of people, the time before the traumatic loss was a long period of nonstop vigilance and anxiety punctuated by mostly terrible occurrences and a constant struggle to help the beloved person stay alive...a struggle which of course will ultimately fail.  

It’s probably not so surprising that this experience, a kind of training in bad outcomes and terrible shocks, leaves its imprint on the survivor — the depth and duration of the impression no doubt depends on many factors, but regardless of why, it seems like we have to nurture ourselves and bring ourselves along, unless there is someone around with the love and insight to be of assistance in this particular way.  I think it helps, at least seems to help me, to silently list any good things (however tiny)  that happened during the day, when I get into bed and turn out the light.  I also tried writing down things to be grateful for, but it is too soon for me, i think...seemed to just trigger grief and bitterness.  Maybe I will try again in the future.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 16, 2019 at 11:10am

Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's just the way I'm conditioned. That's something people who haven't lived through this just cannot understand. I just have to keep working and taking baby steps.

Comment by Theresa on February 16, 2019 at 5:45am

Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too

That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.  

You are making a positive impact, I know you have on here.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 15, 2019 at 10:28pm

Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 15, 2019 at 10:26pm

M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked him how he knew for sure that the people he worked with were not just mentally unbalanced. He said that 99% of the time the person just needs a good psychiatrist, but he also told some stories that were amazing if true, and I don't know why he would lie. He was adamant about not trying to contact someone beyond the grave. It's scary stuff. The Vatican can list the names of seven angels. They can list a lot more demons. They keep those names quiet for fear that someone will think it's a joke and try to summon those names. He even said that one of the first questions he asks in an exorcism is, "Who am I dealing with?" It's hard to imagine in 2019 that such things are possible, but he is listening for specific names. And he has a history with them. He has picked up conversations from where he last left off with a demon. It will say things that it could only know if they had a history. And he reiterated that when a four year old girl starts speaking in Latin with a very deep voice, and knows your life history, it changes your perspective about how real this is. I know it sounds like a lot of superstition, but it scares the crap out of me, and I'm not messing with it.

This morning when I woke up I had two messages on my answering machine from directors at the Wellness Center. They both said the same thing. One of them was, "I don't know what you did to those kids, but their parents are raving about you." It made me cry. It has been a long time since I felt like I was making a positive impact.

 

Members (728)

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am finding it so hard to keep motivated.  I have tons I need to do to keep afloat and try to honor the legacy of my husband and yet all I seem able to do is push myself, force myself.......constantly. Its the putting on the mask and…"
5 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm now having sleeping problems lately.  Go figure.  I sent you a message Monty. Comforting to see all the posting here.  But, scary to see all the 5,6,7 years since....  God have mercy."
20 hours ago
Profile IconMichelle and Amanda joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
20 hours ago
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"When your ‘life force’ is taken away from you there is no will to go on.  It will be 5 years for me soon and many people think my grief has subsided as I seem to be functioning better, but as I said earlier we just become more adept…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on M Adams's blog post Who copes best with loss? Men or women?
"do not no wen dad died i loss my way for long tim u cud  say i did im f i am'thn loss folerd evn my cat i had for 16 yrs in 2016 wish she got me thru few dark tims she did  thn i gon to spirtaslt churchh  fond upliftmtn i di did…"
yesterday
Billy Jo Colt commented on M Adams's blog post Bad behaviour
"Thank you for such a wonderful, in depth and reflective post. It sounds like your Mom really had the devotion and love she richly deserved from you. As you said. The Doctors could have done a lot more. It was if they didn't want involved unless…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friend's, Big Deal, It's St. Patrick's Day. All is does to me is relieve my Husband's death. In 2013 he passed away 2 months after St. Patrick's Day. We did go out to dinner together put he was in so much pain we had…"
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello friends, I’m so grateful to read your honesty about this hell on earth, this unbearable grief that we have (almost) no choice but to bear. I’m sorry I don’t contribute more often. When I think of something to write, in my…"
Sunday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Have been reading comments from the past few days.   Yes, grief is lonely.   I'm so thankful for this group.  Like Joe says, it's really difficult not having our better half here physically, just to appreciate…"
Sunday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, Yes, we all pretty much have found that grief is not a bump on the head.  It is a ripping apart of a quantum soul.  For me it has become an all encompassing desire to plead with the universe to take me.  I do it as I have now…"
Sunday
Melissa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, Same as you if I am not posting anymore God has finally taken me. It will be a joyous day."
Saturday
M Adams left a comment for Sue Toler
"So sorry you’re going through such a grievous loss — my mother died recently as well, we were very close and I had been there helping her because she was having increasingly complex health problems over the last five years, so I feel…"
Friday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That you all for your kind compassion.  Just plain hell today as usual.  Tears at times and don't know when or what will trigger them.  The only time I venture out is my daily visit to the cemetery (closest I can be to Her…"
Friday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, My heart ached for you when I read of your breakdown day.  We feel your intense pain and heartache.  Over time we become so adept at carrying our grief, stuffing it and hiding it.  Yet so many times we become so overwhelmed by…"
Friday
Sue Toler updated their profile
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, So sorry to hear about your day. My doctor was the same way with me when I had a breakdown, he could have cared less. Thank God for our friends here who truly understand."
Friday
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's video
Thumbnail

Be thou my vision - (with lyrics)

"dont no why but it  it so sothin relzinin i do"
Friday
dream moon JO B posted a video
Friday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, So sorry to hear that you are having an extraordinarily bad day... This is the life for us after we are left here in this world without the love of our life beside us."
Thursday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service