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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 731
Latest Activity: Oct 8, 2019

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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12, 2019.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11, 2019.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on April 3, 2019 at 3:43pm

Time flies too quickly. My mom's first birthday away from this earth was very hard. It was a very odd day because it didn't even hit me until that night that it was my mom's birthday. I knew. I knew without even realizing that I knew. So many things were weighing on me that day. There comes a point when your conscious mind will insist that you face your problems. I was physically sick that day. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I went to the ER. My blood pressure was 230 over 115. I had never had high blood pressure before. The doctor told me that whatever I was dealing with was attacking my body. Stress will do that. In some ways that day was a positive turning point for me. I said to myself, "This is ridiculous, and it ends today." Well, it didn't end that day, but I put my big boy pants on, and started to face my new reality. I have come a long way since then. I still have quite a way to go. And there is no telling if I will get there. If I do not, it will not be because of lack of effort. It is more the realization that tomorrow is not promised  to anyone. Life is very short. There are two seasons in life. The first, for most of us, is a time of love and security. The second is when what has always been familiar to you goes away. And then we have to reinvent ourselves. Some are better equipped to do this than others. For me it has been quite a struggle. I keep plugging away though.

That is why it is important to say. In a world where people are not attached to what you each are going through, I can promise you that I am. Each one of you that posts here. I understand. It hurts. It's scary, and it's hard. We are all trying to reinvent ourselves. I am with you.

Mom's are a wonderful thing.

Comment by M Adams on April 3, 2019 at 1:26pm

My mother’s birthday, the first one without her, has come and gone.  A sad occasion but also filled with many sweet and bittersweet memories.  I don’t know how other people here have handled these birthdays.  I was with my father and sister — my father didn’t seem to remember that it was the day until a fair way into dinner, but he appeared pleased when he realized it and we raised a glass to my sweet mother.  I had the idea to post a picture from last year’s birthday, maybe with the birthday cake that she really enjoyed, a Hummingbird cake.  However, it seems that all the pictures from her birthday are not on my devices, I guess my father and brother have them but I don’t.  While searching around I found this picture from a bit earlier, from a festive lunch with my dad and me — it seems to have a birthdayish mood, so will paste it here instead.

Comment by Avi on March 14, 2019 at 4:05am

Thanks for kind words Brett. Please let me know if I can call you someday on Skype. If yes, please share me your skype Id. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 14, 2019 at 1:04am

Yes, it is absolutely obvious that you are a loving son. And we all have our own stories. I know why I feel guilty but I do not pretend to know why anyone else here feels guilty, unless they tell us of course. And I want to be honest. I want to look at each person's situation like I look at my own, and I am my harshest critic. Avi, I believe you. If you say t hat there are things that you should have done differently, I believe you. It's not just a matter of not being perfect. Sometimes we do things that are just plain wrong. We know we were wrong, and no well meaning person can convince us that we were not wrong.

I was talking to my best friend recently. His mom is reaching the end of her life and he feels a lot of guilt because he lives in another state, has children, and work, and can't get home as much as he would like to. He feels guilty, and I know that he will feel even more guilty after she dies, but I also know how much his mom loves him, and that she understands, and the way she feels about him will not change one iota. That's kind of the reason why we are all here. We each experienced a level of unconditional love that perhaps only a mother could give.

Avi, I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of what kind of man you are, and if I know, I can guarantee you that your mom knew. You can live with that. The love between you and your mom was known and understood. Nothing can take that away. We all learn from our mistakes. If there is something that you feel badly about, learn from it, grow from it, remember those lessons if you are ever in a similar circumstance. It would be great to be able to go back in time and apply those lessons to our time with our moms. We can't. But remember that your mom couldn't love you more even if you had done everything perfectly. If you could ask my mom what kind of caretaker and son I was, I think she would tell you that I probably did the best I could, but I was a LONG way from perfect. But if you asked my mom if I loved her, the answer would have been a resounding yes. There's not much more that I could ask for. We say that we love someone warts and all. That works both ways. Our moms love us warts and all, too.

Comment by Avi on March 14, 2019 at 12:56am

Hi Adams, 

Circumstances were hostile because there were some personal issues happening which created hindrances in my mother's treatment. Also I used to be in panic due to which I shouted on her a lot for not following the protocols. I wanted to save her, was worried due to which I used to shout her if she misses to take some medicines etc. 

I wish she is in heaven or if she is in a new life then she gets a better son. 

Comment by M Adams on March 13, 2019 at 10:21pm

Avi, not sure what is meant by circumstances were hostile — are you referring to the stressfulness of the whole situation, or something more specific?  

Either way, I’m really sorry that you’re in such pain, and from what you’ve written here over the last months, I can tell that you are a loving son.  

Comment by Avi on March 12, 2019 at 12:24pm
1. Guilt- Not taking care of her enough. Leaving her for months as the circumstances were hostile. Shouting on her during her treatment. 
2. Regrets- Not talking to my mom enough when she was alive. Taking her for granted. 
I will live with these guilt and regrets through my life. 
Comment by Brett Bowman on March 2, 2019 at 1:56pm

Theresa, I'm trying as well, but this is something that my mom and I had talked about. Mom wanted me to go on with a smile on my face. If it had been me who had died, I know that it would have haunted my mom the same as her death is haunting me. 

Living your life is one thing. Being happy is something else. It remains to be seen if I can get that back. It's the unconditional love that cannot be replaced. And beyond that, people are like snowflakes, no two people are the same. My mom was my favorite person. There's no one else like her.

Comment by SelV on March 2, 2019 at 7:25am
1. Guilt- There were times when my mother drove me up the walls and I would raise my voice against her but I would always apologise to her afterwards and would reconcile with her. 
2. Regrets- The night before my mother passed on, I called my sister and had a discussion with her. I decided to take time off from work to take care of my mother full-time and change her diet as she was rejecting solid food. My mother was actually seated close by as I spoke with my sister. None of these plans materialised as she passed on the next day. 
3. Unconditional love and care- I miss that and only my mother could give that. 
Guilt, regrets and missing my mother's love - reasons why I do not feel better. 
Comment by Theresa on March 2, 2019 at 5:44am

Yes I still cry probably too much, but I do realize I have to go on and live my life, take care of my senior dog and keep going.

Sometimes it hits me really hard, I'll turn off the radio in the car and start talking to my mom, thinking my gosh days, months, years went by but everything is still fresh in my mind.  I go over things and question myself, why didn't I do this or why didn't I do that.  Too late, I guess I was in shock.  That was for about a year, in a fog.

I stopped practicing yoga, because I just don't feel like going, which I have to go back because mentally it was lifesaver for me.  In that studio the only thing on my mind was me, the mat and peace, and of course the 110 degree heat.

I read here everyday, I say to myself I know I get it, its hard it always will be for me, she was all I had, she was my strength.  

I remember many times her saying to me you have to live your life sweetheart.  

I'm trying mom......

 

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