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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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I TERRIBLY MISS MOMMY! 1 Reply

Started by Edger. Last reply by BLUEBELL Dec 21, 2017.

It's hard to accept ,my mother is no more 5 Replies

Started by Ambreen. Last reply by Theresa Dec 19, 2017.

Its hard accepting my mother's death 8 Replies

Started by Crystal K. Last reply by Crystal K Oct 23, 2017.

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Comment by Crystal K on December 6, 2017 at 3:03am

Bailey My heart goes to you. I feel the same way my family keeps talking about christmas plans and I just stay quiet cause I am not planning on celebrating xmas this year... its been a hard few days.. the guilt of my mom’s death is coming back. To those who dont know, she died from a multitude of problems but mostly complications from sepsis, heart failure, then multiple organ failures.. The sepsis began from a cur on her foot. I knew about the cut. We got ointment for it but it never healed and it developed into sepsis. I will always wonder what if I had taken her sooner to the hospital, I was on a trip and came back when she was already in Intensive care. I blame myself. Did some research on sepsis and apparently its the number #1 killer for ER patients coming in. And i never heard of it til my mom. I try to reassure myself that it wasnt my fault- but to know she died from something that couldve been caught and prevented! That kills me!  Im sorry guys for venting. I’ve cried myself to sleep the past two nights about this. And I cannot talk to my family about it. 

Comment by Bailey Smith on December 4, 2017 at 8:41pm

I am experiencing the same as you folks.  Since Mom passed away in August the phone calls have stopped and no one mentions my Mom except my husband.  My brothers never bring her up in conversation.

I exercise at YMCA ( to help mentally and physically) and people who barely know me say keep busy and that will cure your sadness.  Unbelievable what people think you should do.

If you are sad people run away...

My husband and I have decided not to put up a tree or decorate this year.  My two adult children ( mid thirties) are fine about it.  On Christmas Day we normally have in our own children and my brothers families.  This year my husband and I are taking our children out to a restaurant on Christmas Day and then getting together with my siblings and families on Dec 29.  I just could not handle having everyone in on Christmas Day.

Comment by Crystal K on December 4, 2017 at 6:00pm

Bluebell, yes my mom took a big part of me when she died.  Brett, I know how you feel about being sad all the time. That is why I avoid a lot of my friends now. Because I don't want to pretend to be happy or to be having fun and I don't want it making them feel like they cant smile around me.  I am so grateful that I have you guys because I cannot talk about this to my family all they tell me is to get over it and stop bringing it up, that I'm intentionally hurting myself.  I cry now over the smallest things, my mom would always wake me up for work or school whenever I overslept now nobody does and whenever I wake up late, I just start crying cause I miss my mom and all these little things she would do for me. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 4, 2017 at 11:14am

Crystal, I more than feel alone since mom died, in some way I am. I have a huge family. They are about three hours away. When mom was alive so many of them would call her each week. Mom always talked to them on speaker phone. I would talk to them, too. When she died that all stopped. Also, my friends, even life long friends, don't call anywhere near as much. I'm not the same person that I was. I am always sad. I guess they got tired of that. I want to be who I always was for them but I can't be that right now. I can't be something that I am not.

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 4, 2017 at 9:15am

Crystal,

I can relate to feeling alone. Though I rarely went to Mom for comfort or advise, just having her near made me feel safe and whole. Now I feel like a part of me is gone.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on December 4, 2017 at 6:02am

Since my mom died on 12/19/15 my tree was up I tore it down and was careless.
But I thought about it.....my mom managed to decorate every single year even though her mom died on Christmas eve and my dad on 12/14, so I memory of her my dad and grandmom I put up a tree, I was reluctant, but I though of my moms strength.
Working in my job stinks because Christmas is all around ugh!
I put a smile on and keep going. Holding in tears at the same time...

Comment by Crystal K on December 4, 2017 at 2:45am
Does anyone feel so alone at times? I feel like with the holidays approaching, its more evident how alone I am. I have alwaysbeen very independent, so I always assumed I would be ok if my mom would ever die. Now, its like my strength to do anything is gone. Despite my sisters, my aunts, I feel so alone without my mom. She was my comfort. Now I don’t know how to go on without her.
Comment by Brett Bowman on December 3, 2017 at 10:58pm

Gregory, I just saw your post. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. You are among a group of people who certainly understand what it's like to lose someone whom you love so much.

Comment by Luisa Salter on December 3, 2017 at 10:45pm

Thank you to everyone for listening and your kind words.

I wouldn't do Christmas decorations either, if it weren't for my daughter. Earlier a friend suggested that I try and think of something new and different to do this year, to take my mind off of it. Maybe we will go to my Aunt's for Christmas. I thought of going on a trip somewhere and being gone for the holiday, but in the end I decided it would be a waste of money just to be sad somewhere else (lol)...

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 3, 2017 at 9:53pm

Luisa, Bluebell, Theresa, et al, I can tell you on behalf of your moms that you are forgiven. That's what moms do. They love and forgive us, and then love us even more.

Reading all of the memories of your mom's last days, not being able to see her this Christmas, it all sounds so very familiar. It's odd to me how something can be so obvious to everyone else can still cause so much thought. I was almost ashamed to ask my mom's last ER doctor if mom was a candidate for Hospice. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Of course." He told me that it would be the compassionate thing to do. It seemed to surprise him that I did not know exactly how bad off my mom was. It's just that I had seen her bounce back so many times before. Five forms of cancer over the course of 12 years. Of course I was very worried that my mom's time on earth was running out, but I wasn't as aware as her doctors were. They may have hinted around about my mom dying, but I can't remember one that just came out and said, "Your mom is dying." The Hospice administrator (who was a doctor) was a lot more blunt about it when she came to my mom's hospital room that first time. In fact, she was too blunt. I had to ask her to leave the room. Not because I was angry at her, but because I wanted for my mother to understand exactly what was going on. I did have one issue with Hospice. The hospice doctor immediately prescribed opiates. The effect that they had scared my mom. She felt out of her head. She called me one night/morning at around 3:00 am. She told me that she didn't trust the nurses or her new doctor. She wanted me to come to her room and see what kind of medication they were giving her. The truth was that I didn't know myself. I asked the doctor to stop prescribing those things. I told the doctor that I wanted to introduce those medications more slowly. Mom knew that going on Hospice meant that she was going to die, but she was afraid that they were trying to speed up the process. She was scared. Her fist day on Hospice, here at our home, I asked mom if I could give her some morphine. She said, no. Mom had very advanced COPD. I told her that it would make it easier for her to breathe. She tried it and it made her feel better. I still introduced it slowly. Mom didn't want to take the prescribed amount. By the end she would request it. She never said, "Can I have some morphine." She would just say, "Can I have a shot?" It wasn't an actual shot, but she did not want to use the word "morphine."

I have not put up any decorations and I don't think I will. My mom made Christmas wonderful. She's gone now. I have to learn how to deal with that before I can move on.

 

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