Information

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 728
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28.

I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of I miss my Mom! to add comments!

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2018 at 1:40am

Guys, my heart is just broken. So broken. It's not because of some kind of change. It's just three years of sadness that continues to pull me down, and makes me feel that there is very little hope. I am a very spiritual person. When lie was going good it was easy to give thanks to God. My years with mom as her caretaker was emotionally exhausting, t he fear was horrible, but I still had mom. When my mom died I was sure that good things were on the way, but it has just been three years of misery, I have a hole in my heart the size of Texas. To have a bad three years is one thing, but to have it after watching my mom die was horrible. I pray so much. What I'm praying for is not a miracle. It's just a feeling that God is with me through this. That he is walking beside me,  that he has a plan for my life, and that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I believe that we should pray with our hearts and not our mouths. I certainly do that. I just feel like I am dropping my bucket down an empty well. My faith has not been shaken. I believe God is there, but I also believe that either he is going to make me experience this, or that he doesn't get involved, or at least, he doesn't get involved with me. I ask for forgiveness so much.

This past Sunday I slipped out the side door at church. I usually stay and help pick up, and I talk to people. I'm pulling away from people because it doesn't seem they can help, and I am sure that they are tired of hearing about it.

Worst of all, well, losing my mom was worst of all, but you guys didn't know me before my mom died. I was all entertainment all of the time. So many friends would tell me that I didn't have to make them laugh, that they would love me anyway. What a load of crap that was. As the jokes dried up, people started to disappear. Not at first. I  think people thought I would break out of my funk, but when that didn't happen, folks started disappearing.

I focus all of my love on one elderly, blind dog. Lord help me when she dies.

Comment by Avi on October 14, 2018 at 10:06am

Lia, your post made me cry because I also feel similar. 

I wish you all strength 

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 12, 2018 at 11:48am

Lia, a few lost minutes cannot compete with a lifetime of love that you shared with your mom.

Comment by Lia Lynch on October 12, 2018 at 8:36am

Hi there.  Brett, you were (are) totally right -- I was and think I still am in shock. There was so much to do, and with my kid to take care of, I wasn't processing. At all.

Still not. I didn't get to say goodbye.  She was in a hospice, alone, when she died. She told me the day before that she was going to die soon, and I went in to work to take off, and she died the next morning before I could get there to spend the day.  I'd spoken to her clinician just four days before her death to ask how long, and he'd said "weeks to low months" but he was wrong.  No one really knew -- she'd only been diagnosed less than four weeks prior, first diagnosis and the cancer was everywhere. So no one knew how it would go, just that treatment was not really an option, even had she wanted it.  Which she did not.

Now her ashes are here and I am just constantly saying I'm sorry to them. And my poor daughter, who always had her grandma here after school, comes home and is alone until I arrive. It's not long, but still... my mom helped me raise her for the past eight years. And I am trying to hold it together for my kid, but in doing so I am just pushing things away, it makes it worse when it pops back up.

Comment by M Adams on October 11, 2018 at 1:13pm

As Brett suggests, you sure can be griefstricken without feelings of guilt -- for me guilt doesn't seem relevant to my deep sadness about losing my mother.  It's more a combination of loneliness, shock, emptiness, disappointment (because she'd come through so much and was really improving, then suddenly collapsed), and a kind of futile anger at all the suffering she so patiently endured.  I find myself longing to look at photographs of her, but when I do I start crying and have to put them away.  I keep thinking 'I must tell Mom about this' and then remembering I can't.  

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 11, 2018 at 8:38am

Seems like we all have our regrets and sadness that we live with every day. But I have noticed for myself that though I still have them, they have softened over time.

Bluebell

On a different subject I want to celebrate this morning of being able to sit comfortably on my bum. Physical Therapy has changed his plan of exercise and it is working after only having 2 sessions!

Comment by Theresa on October 11, 2018 at 5:55am

Brett, me too, the only guilt I have is if I did not stop at her house for three minutes, I would have been there, but I was not.

I say it everyday why did I do that...

Comment by Virginia G on October 11, 2018 at 12:32am

Avi, what is what’s app?  I don’t have a smart phone.

Comment by Virginia G on October 11, 2018 at 12:29am

The pain seems to get worse everyday.  I guess the numbness is starting to wear off.  I need God to listen to me.  I can’t live like this.

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 10, 2018 at 2:01pm

Me too Brett

 

Members (728)

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Aimee Hall Fuszard joined Karen's group
Thumbnail

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
3 hours ago
Aimee Hall Fuszard updated their profile photo
3 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.   My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to…"
4 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"joe that is incredible. thanks for the time and energy sharing. i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me. for me this week has been hard. 1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to…"
6 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Read second post first Morgan. Had to break it up into two parts and did it backwards."
8 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
""As the years are passing I feel the need more and more." When I read some of you guys suffering so long, it gives me great fear that despite my health neglect, and legal preparations, I don't know when it will actually come to…"
8 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, "I read your words and it brings me to my knees."  I keep asking God to let me go many times a day.  I tell Him/Her/It that I will never relent until my prayer is answered.  I ask my love to keep asking too and have…"
8 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together.  Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love…"
12 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I read your words and it brings me to my knees.  I so want to join my husband.  As the years are passing I feel the need more and more.  I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we…"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Pamela, you are grieving for your mother. You may not be able to see it but I can. My father was horrible. I did not grieve his death. I barely gave it a second thought. You are grieving your mom, and you are grieving the way things were. The advice…"
13 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, Your Julian looks like such a nice man in that photo; what a lovely smile! Joe, Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you are right."
15 hours ago
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
16 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Bluebird, It is impossible for us to know for absolutely sure what exactly happens when we die.  Oh, how I would love her to appear before me and tell me she's here and waiting for me, but I also know that she can't do that…"
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people…"
19 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Sorry, I meant Linda and Monty and Joe."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Avi, it would be nice to have a friend. The time gap is big but we can agree on a time to talk. Keeping busy also functions for me. Anyways, as soon as I have free time the thoughts and feelings came back and grief hits so hard. I wish you have a…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M Adams , I hope this feeling of desolation lessens in time. It is an extremely hard process. Unbearable at times. I hope you are doing well."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Daylight India is 8.30 hours ahead of Argentina. We can talk at your early morning whenever you want.  Feeling of desolation still exists for me but I try to be strong and do things (work, travel, eating etc) with sincerity. "
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agreed, Daylight.  I often think about how appalled my mom and my husband would be by my current state.  But I would say that the feeling of total desolation will change, based on my experience with my husband’s death, thirty months…"
yesterday

© 2018   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service