Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.
Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.
Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.
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Had a breakdown over the weekend in front of several of my boyfriend's friends. I guess I should've gotten up and left the room to cry privately but I was just so overwhelmed. So my boyfriend escorted me out of the room and we left. I resented him a little bit for making me leave - as if the comfort of others being shielded from my grief was more important than my own comfort. What am I supposed to do? Never leave the house? Hide my tears so other people can pretend everything is fine? Also, my sister keeps pushing me to go through my Mom's things and I just don't think I can handle it. I can't believe my Momma is really gone. The knowledge that I can never see her again sits like a stone in my mind, refusing to let me relax. I didn't want to, but I think I may need to seek therapy.... I think of not wanting to live very often. I just want to be with her.
having a tough time since Saturday but hanging on. Was kind of expecting this though so tried hard, talked to a couple of people and let the rest just happen.
Hi Dia, crying is not a sign of weakness. I cried so much, I felt sick. Sounds like you cared for your mom until the end. I always had some anxiety, but nothing close to what I have experienced after my mom's passing. I have tried yoga and meditation online and it has helped me quite a bit for sleep & anxiety. At first I didn't know if I could continue to work. You were a wonderful daughter and I know even though we cannot see our moms their spirit is right there with us! My doctors wanted to medicate me with prescription meds, and I decided not to go that route. I think about my mom all the time. And sometimes I cannot believe that she is gone. I still think about calling her, when I realize I can't. Nine weeks ago, I didn't think I could go on! I still have very sad moments, but feel that I am progressing. The yoga that I do, is geared to help with sleep. It took me over 8 weeks before I slept three nights in a row. Let me know if you are interested and I will send you the yoga link. Big hug!
@ Angela and Dia, I know how you feel. I have good and not so good days. A few weeks ago my anxiety was so bad that I had to go to the ER. I know our mom's would not want us down here suffering like this. I am truly glad she is not suffering. But, I also miss her love terribly. I think it is so very hard for those of us who assisted with the care of our mom's and who were also very close with them. I going to as Marie mentioned, grieve on my own timetable, as I try to be strong and move forward. Now if I can just practice what I preach!
I am sorry for your loss Dia. First, I think that it is important that you grieve on your own timetable. Do not let "friends" or family dictate how you are supposed to grieve. If it takes you years, then that's fine...as long as you are able to work through the grief.
If you feel that it is just unbearable then you might want to talk to a professional. I avoided that for a long time but finally realized that I needed to talk to someone who who could just listen and not tell me how or what to think and feel during this process.
I also was a caregiver to my mom who passed away two years ago so I can relate from that perspective. We have it very hard because we were there throughout the illness and know things that maybe our other family members, siblings, etc. do not. There are many things I kept from my siblings because I didn't want the truth to hurt them even more.
So, I also understand what you mean by saying that you have to act like the strong one. But it is okay to cry, scream, yell and break down. It's actually probably very healthy to do that.
One thing that has really helped to get me through this, is helping other people. I started a charity to assist people in my moms situation. Maybe you could find a volunteer group, or donate time to be help someone else. That might take your anxiety and stress and turn it into something fulfilling?
I am not going to lie, it is hard. And, I have my days of despair even after 2 years. But, I try to just take it minute by minute and slowly hope to get to a point where I at least feel content in this new life without my mom.
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