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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Latest Activity: Aug 13, 2023

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Missing my identity 2 Replies

Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.

i need my mom

Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.

I want my Mommy 1 Reply

Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.

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Comment by Kristin Renee on October 28, 2013 at 8:59am

Had a breakdown over the weekend in front of several of my boyfriend's friends. I guess I should've gotten up and left the room to cry privately but I was just so overwhelmed. So my boyfriend escorted me out of the room and we left. I resented him a little bit for making me leave - as if the comfort of others being shielded from my grief was more important than my own comfort. What am I supposed to do? Never leave the house? Hide my tears so other people can pretend everything is fine? Also, my sister keeps pushing me to go through my Mom's things and I just don't think I can handle it. I can't believe my Momma is really gone. The knowledge that I can never see her again sits like a stone in my mind, refusing to let me relax. I didn't want to, but I think I may need to seek therapy.... I think of not wanting to live very often. I just want to be with her.

Comment by Danny on October 28, 2013 at 6:33am

having a tough time since Saturday but hanging on.  Was kind of expecting this though so tried hard, talked to a couple of people and let the rest just happen. 

Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on October 27, 2013 at 1:12am

Hi Dia, crying is not a sign of weakness. I cried so much, I felt sick. Sounds like you cared for your mom until the end. I always had some anxiety, but nothing close to what I have experienced after my mom's passing. I have tried yoga and meditation online and it has helped me quite a bit for sleep & anxiety. At first I didn't know if I could continue to work. You were a wonderful daughter and I know even though we cannot see our moms their spirit is right there with us! My doctors wanted to medicate me with prescription meds, and I decided not to go that route. I think about my mom all the time. And sometimes I cannot believe that she is gone. I still think about calling her, when I realize I can't. Nine weeks ago, I didn't think I could go on! I still have very sad moments, but feel that I am progressing. The yoga that I do, is geared to help with sleep. It took me over 8 weeks before I slept three nights in a row. Let me know if you are interested and I will send you the yoga link. Big hug!

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 26, 2013 at 11:57pm
Hi Boabie. My experience with grief is : when I cry which is everyday someone or the other (maybe my sibling, or partner ) will say "don't cry, be strong". Why is crying considered a sign of weakness? I was the one person who was with my mum constantly. Keeping her alive and healty was the main purpose of my life . My great love for her was well known by everybody Inspite of knowing this people wonder why I 'm crying. It adds to my woes. I suffer from anxiety too . Could you suggest some non-medication measures to atleast control it. Thank you .
Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 26, 2013 at 11:57pm
Hi Boabie. My experience with grief is : when I cry which is everyday someone or the other (maybe my sibling, or partner ) will say "don't cry, be strong". Why is crying considered a sign of weakness? I was the one person who was with my mum constantly. Keeping her alive and healty was the main purpose of my life . My great love for her was well known by everybody Inspite of knowing this people wonder why I 'm crying. It adds to my woes. I suffer from anxiety too . Could you suggest some non-medication measures to atleast control it. Thank you .
Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on October 26, 2013 at 10:35pm

@ Angela and Dia, I know how you feel. I have good and not so good days. A few weeks ago my anxiety was so bad that I had to go to the ER. I know our mom's would not want us down here suffering like this. I am truly glad she is not suffering. But, I also miss her love terribly. I think it is so very hard for those of us who assisted with the care of our mom's and who were also very close with them. I going to as Marie mentioned, grieve on my own timetable, as I try to be strong and move forward. Now if I can just practice what I preach!

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 26, 2013 at 12:11pm
Hi Cynthia . I find myself in the same position. My mum was my best friend and constant companion. I spent the past 14 years of my life by her side 24/7 . Now i find myself alone, lonely and friendless. I would'nt trade my tine with my mum for anything but like you I find myself on a lonely path . Rather ironic as this is the tine I most need a friend . :(
Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 26, 2013 at 12:08pm
Hi Marie. My condolences for your loss. Thank you for your wise, kind words and suggestions. I believe that there is no timeline for grief. Its very personal, very real. Yet here (I'm in India) people expect me to continue with my life as if nothing happened. I lost my most beloved , precious mum just 3 months back. She was everything to me. Her loss is earth shattering , heart breaking and life altering for me . I wonder why people are so uneasy, uncomfortable even with other peoples loss. Frankly speaking I find it disgusting, hurtful and very disrespectful for them to think i should move on. Mum was the greatest, most incredible person ever. She was and is my mother. Nobody seems to get the significance of this relationship . Losing ones mother shakes the foundation of your very own being .
Comment by Marie on October 26, 2013 at 8:57am

I am sorry for your loss Dia. First, I think that it is important that you grieve on your own timetable. Do not let "friends" or family dictate how you are supposed to grieve. If it takes you years, then that's fine...as long as you are able to work through the grief.

If you feel that it is just unbearable then you might want to talk to a professional. I avoided that for a long time but finally realized that I needed to talk to someone who who could just listen and not tell me how or what to think and feel during this process.  

I also was a caregiver to my mom who passed away two years ago so I can relate from that perspective. We have it very hard because we were there throughout the illness and know things that maybe our other family members, siblings, etc. do not. There are many things I kept from my siblings because I didn't want the truth to hurt them even more.

So, I also understand what you mean by saying that you have to act like the strong one.  But it is okay to cry, scream, yell and break down. It's actually probably very healthy to do that. 

One thing that has really helped to get me through this, is helping other people. I started a charity to assist people in my moms situation.  Maybe you could find a volunteer group, or donate time to be help someone else. That might take your anxiety and stress and turn it into something fulfilling?

I am not going to lie, it is hard. And, I have my days of despair even after 2 years. But, I try to just take it minute by minute and slowly hope to get to a point where I at least feel content in this new life without my mom.

Comment by Dia -Ayesha on October 26, 2013 at 2:59am
Hello to all. I've been feeling very lonely, miserable and unhappy for the past few days to the point of despair. I've been dealing with insomnia, stress and anxiety since many years now as I was my beloved mum's caregiver and together we have faced some very tough and traumatic times. I find my anxiety, insomnia and stress at an all time high. I just don't know how to cope. I would really like to chat with somebody here if possible. In front of my family I act strong else they will fall apart but I'm human and just want to crawl into bed and not leave. I want to heal and come to terms with my loss. Well atleats thats what my friends say I should be doing as that would make my mum happy. Sorry if I'm rambling. Thank you for this wonderful group.
 

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