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Comment by Wendy (Boabie) on July 13, 2014 at 11:17pm

Joe, Danny is right the loss of a parent is a huge void. And the grief process is an ongoing one. No matter what, no one can replace our mother's. They are such a huge part of who we are. No one grieves the same. Just take it one day at a time. Best to you.

Comment by Danny on July 13, 2014 at 9:42am

You are experiencing the normal feelings Joe H.  It is a huge void. But work on the grief process.

Comment by Joe H on July 7, 2014 at 11:36pm

I know every loss is unique. I lost my dad 18 years ago and I've lost 4 siblings to cancer too. My mom just passed away last week and it's left a deeper hole in me than anything I've ever felt. I was no mama's boy. I was actually doted on by my dad growing up. What is it about losing your mom that hurts so bad? I am someone that has experienced varied and great loss but I didn't expect to feel how I do right now. I believe mom is in heaven with the Lord and I will see her again but I am so dull and sad right now.

Comment by Tans on July 6, 2014 at 1:53pm

No a medical doctor will only prescribe meds if you need it, but you need to find a counselor that will 1. explain the stages of grief that you will go through and 2. help to give you the tools to deal with what you are going through. One thing you must remember you can go through all the stages of grief and then one day go right back to one of the either stages. If i can help you are more than welcome to talk to me, all I can give you is steps that got me through and I can listen. My mom died suddenly too. One minute she was ok and then next she had a heart attack and died in my arms. It's not a easy road, but one thing I have learnt especially recently is to talk, I am an introvert and don't really talk to people and it's one thing that as taken a lot of burden on my shoulders off. There will always be the whole and the worst will be all the firsts and then all the holidays and birthdays, etc. Remember her and never forget her. Yes there will be days where you won't remember what she looked like or how she sounded - but know that she loved you and no matter how much you are hurting she is somehow there near you. I miss her everyday, have pictures all around my place of her, just so that I never forget her. Take each day as it is and survive that day.

Comment by Danny on July 6, 2014 at 1:08pm

I also realize that the medical doctor is not the right person for counseling and that you really need a person who is a real grief counselor

Comment by Danny on July 6, 2014 at 12:45pm

Great Tan.  I have not started counseling yet but have located someone online who is potentially the person but let's see.  Since it was suddeen for me i just have been trying to survive and initially it was worse than that even. 

Comment by Tans on July 6, 2014 at 11:08am

The first year, all I can say is take it easy and be kind to yourself - it's almost like you live in a dream world, where you hope you wake up and the outcome is different. I only started my journal a year later, but from time to time I would talk to her. I have been for counselling soon after my mom's death and now I am going again cause I need a few sessions. Its nice to sometimes talk to someone who will listen and give advice - but take your time choosing that person as they aren't always suitable for you. And it's okay to have a bad day - Usually just tell people around me that I'm down and they give me space. Do what is comfortable for you. No one can dictate how you should feel or act - that's your choice. be you and don't change because people are tired of seeing you that way - they have no idea what you have gone through until they unfortunately go through it themselves. When it gets to much, just remember to breathe! 

Comment by Danny on July 6, 2014 at 10:43am

I plan to start a journal too.  The shock was so tough that I have just not been able to do much this first year.  Good one Tans and thanks for posting as it gives a really good perspective.

Comment by Tans on July 6, 2014 at 7:09am

Casey, I totally get what you are saying. My mom was my best friend and she has now passed three and a half years. There is not a day that I don't think about her. In fact there are days where I actually forget that she isn't here anymore, especially if I see something in the shop that she would have loved or if there is a story that I know only she would get. Sometimes yes time makes it easier. Don't ever listen to people who tell you just to get over it or enough already. You will learn who your real friends are. Never forget her and try and think of all the good times together - it sometimes makes it a little easier to get through the day. One thing that helped me as to write in a journal like you would write a letter to her - yes the emotions are there but it's on paper. Each person's experience will be different and for some its easier others will be harder and if you can talk to people about her. She might not be here but remember that she is part of you. You are not alone! Hugs!!!!

Comment by Casey on July 5, 2014 at 9:05pm

Wendy, thanks for responding. I can function too, in a way. I think it is mostly because I've gotten more used to mom not coming back. I am using comfort food, internet and many distractions to get on everyday , I am not really successful. When I am alone with my own thoughts, I always just want to cry. Like you said,  I just don't see how time can change anything, the sense of loss is so enormous I am just going with the motion. If i didnt have any other family members (who cannot even remotely come close to the closeness i shared with my mother) I would have just ended it all.

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