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Comment by Regina on October 26, 2015 at 9:56pm

Hello All,

I just want you to know how much your stories of your Moms mean to me. I know we're all hurting. Some times worse than others. I, too, am not looking forward to the holidays this year. In fact, I've told my children (adults) that we will be going out for Thanksgiving dinner. If I had to cook that meal (just the way I learned from my Mom), I'd probably cry through the whole thing. I'm so grateful for all she taught me; things I've passed down to my daughter and she is passing on to her daughter.

We're all in this together, so thank you to all of you for sharing your hearts here.

God bless you,

Regina

Comment by Martha on October 26, 2015 at 5:23pm

Thank you Charity:)

I am a veteran in this lost battle, but God gives us strength to win the war in due time. That is to find the Peace of God.

Love everyone of you brothers and sisters united by our mothers who live on. And, wants us to help one another.

Comment by charity wolf on October 26, 2015 at 4:52pm

Martha:)

What you said gives me strength. I do feel a renewed sense of living as my Mama would. My Mama and I have grown our love through this journey. Her spirit is with me, loving me, always. I am only in month 9 so the pain is very intense still. I am still a zombie!   sending love to all of you that are heart broken...

Comment by Chris Wool on October 26, 2015 at 3:04pm

So true--Christmas/holidays will be hard but we'll make it through somehow.  My sister passed on Christmas (and my brother was born on Christmas!), so the holidays have always been bittersweet.  My mom and family would vacation to get away during the holidays.  This year we won't go to Florida for vacation, so will be tough.  We'll take it a day at a time and will hopefully find some peace and serenity.

Comment by Chris Wool on October 26, 2015 at 2:50pm

Nancy, thanks for bringing this up here.  I'm feeling our pain.  And thank you Martha, for your kind and inspiring words.

My mom passed 4 months ago from cancer that eventually spread to her brain and elsewhere.  I was caregiver and still feel a lot of guilt about the treatment and things we should have done.  We admitted her to a rehab center so she could be retrained to walk well, get rests, etc. after blood clot in her legs had her hospitalized for 3 weeks.  Then she developed pneumonia.  All the issues in the rehab center forced me to wonder if it was a wise choice.  But, we did the best we knew how as there is no instruction manual when dealing with cancer...  that's for sure.  I wish I could have been better in many ways, but am also glad in some ways because I know that it could have been worse somehow.  I'm grateful for the joy, but it's certainly a process.

Comment by Martha on October 26, 2015 at 2:37pm

Dear Nancy:

Thank goodness you have a husband and children, and your father. Some of us do not. Nevertheless, it is so painful.

Guilt is after the loss, the absolute worse. How many times have I said to myself how I should have done this and not done that. Recognize that "the false self" in all of us feeds on that. That is not the real you which is all light and goodness. Our Moms have not forgiven us because there is nothing to forgive. They love us unconditionally and eternally.

It comforts me to know she is with me spiritually. And, we will be together in Heaven when it is my time.

Meantime, pray for strength for this ONE day. We are our mother's daughters, we must live to make them proud.

I say this now after three years. The first two I walked around like a zombie.

Peace and love,

Mart

Comment by Leila on October 26, 2015 at 2:20pm

I have been away a short time and was just reading everyone's posts. I am sending hugs to everyone here!! I am praying for each of you. I hope you find comfort and support with your friends and loved ones, though I know from experience it doesn't always work that way. I am finding grief to be an incredibly lonely place.

I feel heart wrenching pain for my sweet mother. It's been six months since brain cancer took her from us, and I still cry every day. I still feel like I hastened her death by allowing her to be admitted to the hospice facility. I was following her advance directives. I was her POA and signed the paperwork, but I could have never imagined what would happen there. I regret it every day and pray constantly for my mother's forgiveness. I will carry the guilt with me for the rest of my life.

I can function in my daily life now. I am active and spend time with family and friends. I smile, laugh, and chat with people. I go places and take vacations. I try to focus on the needs of others. People who don't know me well would think I'm doing just fine, but the overwhelming sense of loss is always with me. I yearn so deeply for my mother. Like Martha said, the world will NEVER be the same again.

I am afraid of the upcoming holidays. I need to be cheery for my husband, adult sons, and my dad, but I'm not sure how I'll do it. I was in a Christmas shop a couple weeks ago and had to leave when I instantly broke down in tears just hearing Christmas music. I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear 'White Christmas' (my mom's fave Christmas song) without weeping.

Until last week I avoided exercising at the gym where I used to walk with my mom. A few days ago I made myself return to my exercise routine. I cried silently for 15 laps around the track, recalling the laughter and good times we shared there. I could almost see her there. I wanted her there with me again so badly. I'm hoping that one day those memories will bring smiles instead.

I am thankful for this forum, but so very sad for the reason we all had to come to it. I send love and support to everyone on this painful path, and prayers for our mothers who are certainly in the light of Our Lord's presence.

Hugs,

Nancy

Comment by Martha on October 26, 2015 at 1:11pm

Dear friends:

I am so very grateful for Karen who created this group.

I lost my mother April 11th, 2012 and was guided here, it helped.

My mom, my best friend, best roommate I ever had is in my thought daily. Now, I am able to function in this world but it will never be the same. Turn to your religious/ spiritual beliefs and pray for God to give you strength, and send love to Mom in heaven.

Love to everyone,

Mart

Comment by Pammey on October 26, 2015 at 12:02pm

My Mama passed away January 16, 2012. I am still having a rough time trying to deal with her death. My Mama and I were the best of friends. I miss her so so much. Not a day goes by that I dont think about her. I cry all the time missing her.

Comment by Casey on October 26, 2015 at 2:07am

Definitely Danny . If I had children , I can live for them and maybe I will see my mother in them . I am living for my mom because that's what she would want and I have to honor her wish for me to live happily. I am not happy and I am fighting to stay alive even after 20 months since mom passed . I miss my mother too much. I am afraid to even look at videos of her . It's a never ending nightmare . I often dream about her and i still don't want to lice I'm a world without her . I spend a lot of time sleeping and I hope I often wish I never wake up again

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