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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 732
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

Discussion Forum

New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12, 2019.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11, 2019.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brenda yesterday

Theresa, I agree with you, I don't want to rely on a Dr or medication.  I want to face the grief head on, I am jist suffering so much with emotions coming at me in all directions, I am struggling to deal and how to deal, my faith is strong, I am just all over the place emotionally.  People in my life don't understand, they have their mom's to go too, I don't, it's painful on so many levels. Thank you for your words of hope and understanding.

Comment by Theresa yesterday

Brenda.   I am terribly anxious every day.  I try to have faith in God to get me through whatever I am dealing with.  
I have a dog who is goi g to be 13 in April and all I do is worry about him. My last dog I had my mom to lean on and help me with my feelings.  Now I’m lost anxious and it’s a bad way to live.  People tell me go to the dr get something but I need to face it not mask it.  

Comment by Brenda yesterday

I am having such a difficult time getting up and getting through the day without being a total puddle on the floor.  I am feeling anxious all the time and missing my mom so much.  I am just so sad all the time.  I feel no joy anymore.  

Comment by Theresa yesterday

Me too :(

Comment by Brenda on Friday

Valentine's day, the day to tell others you love them and care for them, I would give anything to be able to tell my mom how much I love and care for her!  Missing you, loving you, today and everyday day mom!  

Comment by Brenda on Friday

It's good to hear others stories here, you get how hard things were and still are.  They tell me in my grief group that tears and sadness are because you loved so much, I believe that, but it scares me at the same time.  Going through my mom's journey side by side with her has made me fearful of loving someone else.  I don't think my heart can take it, I feel broken and unfixable.  I wake up at night in horrible sweat and tears.  It helps to have people here, I have pushed friends out of the picture because they just don't understand at all.  Here everyone gets it and allows me to talk about my grief without making me feel bad about it, thank you for that!  Hopeful my mom is missing me as much as I miss her!  

Comment by Brett Bowman on Friday

Brenda, I just read your story. Mine is very similar. No matter how sick mom became (she had five forms of cancer, COPD, and congestive heart failure), I still wanted to be the one who took care of her. Mom wanted to die at home, and I was going to make that happen no matter what. We had a long journey. It lasted 12 years. I knew that day would come when it would end, but I always held out hope that the doctors would pull her through one more time. It was akin to being in a little boat that springs a leak. I would plug one leak and then several more would appear. I was shocked when my mom's ER doctor told me that it was time for Hospice. I realized that t here would be no more miracles. I remember going into my mom's hospital room. A Hospice doctor was already there. Mom didn't understand what was happening. I asked the doctor to leave the room and let me tell her. I told my mom that she was going to die. It about killed me.

Even on mom's first night on Hospice care, mom asked me what the recovery plan was. I said, "Mom... there isn't one." Again... it about killed me. I loved on her with all of my might until the day came. I hated to give my mom morphine but it really made thing easier for her. Every time I would give her a shot I would  think, "I'm killing my mom." I have a lot of guilt as well. I don't know a person could experience what we have and not feel guilt, deserved or not.

I wish I had apologized for every bad thing I ever did, tough I know my mom would have just rolled her eyes. Yes, I have guilt, but love trumps that.   

Comment by Brett Bowman on Friday

Brenda, my mom died at home. She was on Hospice care. I was with her when she took her last breath. What hurt me the most was that my mom had become so detached. That wasn't her fault. She was just too sick to have emotion. I told her that I loved her a million times, but she knew she was about to leave.

My mom died by the light of a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, and like Theresa, I could do without the whole month of December. Hearing a Christmas Carol can reduce me to a puddle. My mom was my world. We were always so close, but the last few years when I was her caretaker brought us so much closer. There is not a morning that I wake up and do not remember, "Oh, yeah. Mom died." What a way to start the day.

So, we know what it's like to lose a mom. You are in good company. I always understand when Theresa says that she has no one to lean on. I mean, I have friends, but nothing can replace what we have lost. At least, here people understand.

Comment by Brenda on Thursday

Theresa my heart cries knowing everyone's stories, but this is a place of comfort for me also.  It seems as though this first year of every holiday or special event is crushing me, losing her 12/30, her birthday January, my birthday coming up, it's just so much.  The pain of complete sadness is horrible.  Everyone tells you make a wish, my wish could never come true today, but I do have hope to be united with my mom, that hope keeps me going. My mom was 69 years young and we had so many plans of things to do and see together.  My desire to do things is empty, trying to take one step at a time, which ends up becoming to emotional at times.  Trying to honor my mother by being a good person in the world, although very difficult without your #1 fan/cheerleader. Love you every minute of everyday mom!

Comment by Theresa on Thursday

Brenda, I feel the same way about my mom we were very very close, she had me at 42 years old, my brother is 17 years older than me.

She was my everything, I still cry, I miss her so much, I just really have no one to lean on like her.

You were very fortunate you were there with your mom at her last breath, I was not, my mom was home at 7am and that was the last time I talked to her, she wasn't feeling well, for a couple of days her stomach she said, but she still met her friends like usual, that was on Friday 12/18, I spoke with her on Saturday morning she called the dr and was going to the hospital, she said dr wanted her to call ambulance, she had no distress in her voice whatsoever, I left my residence right away and was pulling in the hospital lot, when I got a call from an unknown number, the nurse from the ER stating your mom is in full cardiac arrest, do you want us to perform CPR, I was like yes my gosh, I thought let me just jump out of the car and run through the doors, someone grabbed me and tried to sit in a room with me while they worked on my mom, and I thought, oh no I'm going to my mom, I got up and ran out, I found her with them doing chest compressions, and the dr asking me all sorts of questions, its all a blur, he last words to me were do you want me to continue doing this to your mom, I said I she breathing he said no, I said no, I just looked at my mom with the tube coming out of her mouth, all 5 feet 100 lbs of her, I was frozen couldn't move, I had to go outside and call my brother who lives 5 hours away, he came right away, I was not there when she took her last breath, I live with that every day, even though I know my mom went to church every day and prayed please don't let my daughter have to take care of me.  It was God's will.  Everyone left me standing there with the exception of one nurse, who said something to me, she said I just want to let you know I was talking to your mom and I turned around and her eyes rolled back, it was very peaceful.  I thought well thank you dear God her suffering was minimal I hope.   So please know it still hurts everyday.  Talking to people on this site definitely helped me, as Brett said we both lost our moms in the same time frame.

Sadly, my dad passed on December 14, my mom on December 19, my grandmother on December 24th, different years, but December is a month I can do without.

 

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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
2 hours ago
Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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2 hours ago
Profile IconMartee, Jerry Jenkins, Ann and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to…"
6 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
12 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Katherine A Pericas Geersten replied to Katherine A Pericas Geersten's discussion Hello, a little bit about me.
"Thank you Mrs. Crawford, it means a lot to be hearing from someone else who understands. "
14 hours ago
Kimberly joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
22 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett yes as horrible as it is for us both our dogs have aged almost 5 years since our moms died I’m having a really hard time with it I’m thinking that I might need counseling my boy is going to be 13 he still gets around but I know…"
22 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, so much of what you said is so familiar with me. I haven't been able to take a nap since my mom died four years ago. Once, while my mom was still alive and on Hospice, I laid down for a second. I fell asleep and I was having a sweet…"
23 hours ago
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23 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda. I know exactly how you feel.  This is how time changed things for me, as time went the thoughts seem to have become more acceptable but missing her still remains. And I cry.  Probably to much   "
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda.   I am terribly anxious every day.  I try to have faith in God to get me through whatever I am dealing with.  I have a dog who is goi g to be 13 in April and all I do is worry about him. My last dog I had my mom to lean on and…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on M Adams's blog post A Stoic Response to Grief (from The Daily Stoic)
"I really relate to certain parts of this Stoicism commentary, especially the last quotation and the final four paragraphs that come after it.  Today I am struggling to write a letter of condolence to a longtime family friend who recently lost…"
yesterday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Support is always here when you need it. Hugs to all."
yesterday
Ammy commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thank you Josephine.  I agree that we need to be able to laugh, but it usually takes time for that to start.  I honestly feel good when I can laugh at something or with someone.  It's like a medicine, but it took time for me to…"
yesterday
Josephine Crawford commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Teresa, Ammy and Sue, I understand and share your pain. Yes, I too feel like a different version of myself and going forward has been a struggle. Ladies, they would have wanted us to be happy. I sometimes feel guilty when I find myself laughing.…"
yesterday
M Adams posted a blog post

A Stoic Response to Grief (from The Daily Stoic)

A Stoic Response to Grief“It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. For if it has withdrawn, being merely beguiled by pleasures and preoccupations, it starts up again and from its very respite gains force to savage us. But the grief that has been conquered by reason is calmed for ever. I am not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by a long or pleasant journey abroad, or spend a lot of time…See More
yesterday
Danyel Cox-Tysk joined Deborah K.L.W. Dunham's group
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Miscarriage

I am starting this group because I have experienced 2 losses and now have to accept not having children at all. I am still working through this but have an added benefit of almost completing my Masters degree in counseling.See More
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too :("
yesterday

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