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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 732
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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12, 2019.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11, 2019.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on August 17, 2019 at 1:42am

Amen, Avi.

Comment by Avi on August 17, 2019 at 1:01am

Thanks all. This group is my extended family. 

Comment by M Adams on August 16, 2019 at 12:02pm

Avi, that is so lovely to hear — best wishes to her and your family!

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 16, 2019 at 11:48am

That's wonderful, Avi. Congratulations. And I wish you another 100 years with her.

Comment by Avi on August 16, 2019 at 12:57am

Hi All, 

Friends, my daughter's first bday celebration went great. She is now 1 year old and motivating force for my dad to live. My dad is able to laugh and enjoy life because of his grand daughter. Even I feel motivated to live so that I can see her grow. 

I feel gratitude to the almighty for giving me this angel. 

Comment by Theresa on August 9, 2019 at 4:58am

Brett. Like I said it my one hour of peace

than you Brett 

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 9, 2019 at 1:27am

Theresa, sitting in adoration is wonderful. It's easy to lose faith when life is kicking you in the gut. You are keeping a light burning.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 8, 2019 at 2:03pm

We lost more than half of our class. Sometimes what a person needs is specific, and one size does not fit all. The homework just made me miserable. The first week we had to write a letter to our loved one and tell them what we miss about them. The next week we were to set a plate at the dinner table for our loved one. I don't see how any of that would help. It sure didn't help me. It just made things worse. I guess the point is to help you face what you are feeling. I needed no help there. I can understand why some therapists may not like those classes. The person who volunteers to lead the class may not be qualified to take on such a heavy subject.

The counselor I saw was no better. She would push daily affirmations. I can tell myself that I like myself all day long. That doesn't make me miss my mom any less.

What I need is to replace the love that I no longer have. That's hard to find. The day after my mom died, my girlfriend at the time, told me not to talk to my mom out loud because mom was probably in purgatory. That was a horrible thing to say. The problem is that you can't just manufacture love. You just can't pick a random person. It has to be real.

I sure do not get it from my remaining family. A couple of days after my mom died, my sister actually asked me if mom and I had ever had sex. I hung up on her. That's my family.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 8, 2019 at 12:28pm

One of the issues that I have with almost any kind of counselor is that they are being paid. They are not emotionally invested. I guess if you find the right one you can still get some great advice, but there is something discouraging about having to pay someone to listen to you.

The grief class that I attended was through the church as well. We would meet for one hour a week and the person who ran the class would rush us through it so that it wouldn't go over an hour. Not everyone got to talk. We would go from one topic to the next too quickly. And I did realize that all of us could offer advice to the others without filter. It only takes one person who thinks his brand of pain is worse than yours to ruin a class.

All of this is why I think a real support system is so important. It would be great if the person who is there for you also loves you dearly.

Comment by Theresa on August 8, 2019 at 8:23am

Sue I went to a grief support group at my church do you know what one guy said to me and he was a surgeon when I was telling my moms story he said well what did you want she was 92 how about that I never went back

 He acted like I shouldn’t be grieving he’s there because his 26-year-old daughter died from appendicitis or pancreatitis or something I was in shock how rude he was 

 

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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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15 hours ago
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm.  I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
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yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me. That…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch. That's what I…"
yesterday
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello mommas  Nice to have your words and well wishes here. We all know this journey all too well. There are days u dread as well, and on those days we all have, we just need to be very gentle with ourselves. That's something I'm…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did.  It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly and you actually helped me also God bless you and your little dog and everyone of us here it’s always nice to know that we still keep in touch after almost 5 years"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything. If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for…"
yesterday
Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"For me it now has been three years ... three years and four months. I survived first by distracting myself from it, thrust into work and no time to think, it would only come back at evenings and nights to haunt me ... I guess what helped me was…"
Monday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years. Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
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Martee posted a status
"I don’t want this..."
Sunday
Martee posted a status
"Today I have been walking as a lifeless, joyless, husk for 2 weeks and 4 days. My beautiful, loving husband is gone...."
Sunday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
Sunday
Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
Sunday
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Sunday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to…"
Sunday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
Sunday

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