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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on July 17, 2019 at 11:18pm

Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time on this earth is over, just like my mom. And I know that there is only one way that I can be with my mom again, and that is to live my life to its natural conclusion. That means that one day I'm going to die, too. That's kind of a cold slap in the face. I mean, we have always known that we were going to die one day, but that reality becomes a lot more clear and real when the people that we love most start to disappear. I have to get past the fact that I want what I can't have. I want my mom back, right here next to me. It just doesn't work that way.

Comment by Theresa on July 17, 2019 at 8:29pm
Brett so true she was my security blanket
I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her
You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end.
Comment by Brett Bowman on July 16, 2019 at 11:17pm

M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away.

Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone.

I feel like the hard reality of this, for all of us, is the finality of it all. We realize that our moms are not coming back, and that if we live to be 100, it will be without our moms. That is a very hard reality to deal with.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 16, 2019 at 11:13pm

Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an arrogant thing to say, but I would wager that the death of their moms was not as traumatic as mine. That doesn't mean that I loved my mom more. It just means that the circumstances of my life dictated a very long, hard grief, plus a ton of anxiety, and probably clinical depression, too. My mom was the center of my world. That's on me. I never moved on, got married, had kids, etc. I had a career and my mom. I made a choice. I should have known that I was setting myself up for a fall because my mom was in all likelihood going to die long before I would. I knew that but it always seemed so far into the future. Time ran out.

Like you, I can't express the magnitude of loss.

Comment by M Adams on July 16, 2019 at 5:40pm

Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.  My husband died on this date three years ago and my mother has been dead ten months, they were very close and they are both in my mind today.

Comment by Theresa on July 16, 2019 at 5:20pm
I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry
I can’t put into words the magnitude of a loss this was for me as I’m sure it is for everyone else here sometimes I just feel so sad
Comment by M Adams on July 16, 2019 at 5:17pm

Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without needing to frantically hold on to it.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 16, 2019 at 2:48pm

The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. 

Comment by Sue Toler on July 16, 2019 at 11:26am

It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he was never as close as I was.  I need to work on trying to feel safe.  That is what is missing & I never realized it.  The restless anxiety is not feeling safe.  Thank you for your insight & wisdom.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 15, 2019 at 3:27pm

While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with us, even when we are not aware. It was a traumatic event. Even if we wanted to forget, we would not be able to. The loss is ingrained in us. While it will not go away, we can ease our minds by realizing that we are safe. That is a hard thing to do. It's not something that you can just tell yourself, or something that someone else can tell you. You have to feel it and believe it. That's our challenge. We have to keep trying.

 

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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Danny commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Its been 5 years and here I am back on the site. Surviving and functioning but just about. "
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Wonderful Avi!!!  "
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Amen, Avi."
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks all. This group is my extended family. "
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M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, that is so lovely to hear — best wishes to her and your family!"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"That's wonderful, Avi. Congratulations. And I wish you another 100 years with her."
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