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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Avi on June 25, 2019 at 11:32pm

I also see her in dreams sometimes but when I wake up I hardly remember anything. Initially I was not able to sleep and used to wake up in nights but then life got busy in other things and I started sleeping properly. 

Everybody of us hope to meet her someday, somewhere. Lets keep this hope alive and live. 

I wish I can ever meet few people of this group and cry together. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 25, 2019 at 11:55am

Something I have noticed is that the content of a dream may not be a big deal, but what you are feeling in the dream is where the power comes from. The dream I had was horrible. It was so short, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach throughout. This is why I say that you can't hide from grief. It has to be dealt with. I certainly have not run from my grief, but it still taps me on the shoulder when I try to get a break from it, like when I try to sleep. It's still there. Hopefully, one day it will dissipate. 

Sue, what you are describing is traumatic. That will always be with you. But I hope that knowing your mom is not suffering anymore brings you peace.

Comment by Sue Toler on June 25, 2019 at 6:19am

I dream about my Mom & Dad & thankfully they are always good dreams that are comforting.  An Aunt that I was close to is in a lot of the dreams with my parents.  I have one sibling. He is never in the dreams of my parents.  I was my Mom's caretaker & I was with her when she passed.  I did CPR until an ambulance came & I thought she was breathing.  I still have flashbacks of my Mom taking her last breath.  I know I will never forget seeing her that way.  

Comment by SelV on June 25, 2019 at 12:18am

There's so much literature on the interpretation of dreams on the internet. Not sure how accurate they are. I dreamt of my mother in the aftermath of her death last year...just some fleeting images of her.

But this April and May, I had altogether four dreams in which she was very much alive and healthy. My sister, my mum and I were in all the four dreams. My second brother was in one of the dreams together with us and my third brother was in another with us. 

I like it that I dream about my mother. Very much active and happy in my dreams. How I wish I do not wake up from my sleep/dreams to face the painful reality of being an adult orphan.

More so as a motherless daughter!

All I want is my mother...right now and right here!!

Wishful thinking!!!

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 24, 2019 at 6:22pm

I rarely dream about my mom. When I do dream about her it is almost always bad. I had a horrible dream last night. It was very short. I was standing near the front door of my mom's house. I looked down to greet my dog. There was a little puppy with her. Although I had never seen that dog before, in my dream I somehow knew her. I knew that it was a dog that had died years ago. I said, "You're not supposed to be here" and then I opened the front door to shoo her out. The dog left. I was closing the door when I felt a pull on the handle on the other side of the door. When the door opened I was face to face with my mom. Her face was expressionless. She said, "I'm home." She walked past me and into her bedroom. I was thinking "Mom's dead." I paused for a minute and then followed her into her room. She wasn't there. And her room looked like no one had been in there in 20 years. It was dusty and their was debris on the floor.

I don't know what all of that means. I just know it was horrible. I didn't go back to sleep.

I sure wish I could have a good dream about her. I think the scars are still too fresh, even three and a half years later. I don't know if they will ever heal.

Comment by Avi on June 23, 2019 at 1:03pm

Yes we have no choice but to live without our mothers. Grief and guilt will be there through out and some days will be really hard than others. Yesterday was pathetic for me as my father said something that really hit me. I hope to see my mother some day. 
How is Virginia?

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 20, 2019 at 11:14pm

I do not know how to live this life without my mother either, but if there is one thing that I have learned, it's that I have no choice. Life comes for you regardless of whether or not we want to be a part of it.

Comment by SelV on June 20, 2019 at 8:01pm

Good enough my siblings and their families attended my mother's funeral, Brett. To expect them to be at our beck and call and lend emotional support to us who were our mothers' caregiver before, during and after our mothers' death...oh well...they were/are probably busy with their own lives and families. We hit rock bottom.

Maybe it took our siblings a day, a week or even a month/few months to grief mother's death and then they moved on. I am assuming that. We, as caregivers, saw our mothers in good health, then decline in health resulting in our anticipatory grief and finally watching them succumbing to illness or sudden death. Still thinking, missing, pining and yearning for our mothers after more than a year...she was our family, our lives revolved around her and vice versa for a long time. 

Having had my mother in my life for more than half a century, I am not sure how to continue this life without her presence. Nothing seems meaningful to me. She was my life and something in me died when I saw her taking the last breath...still very clearly etched in mind.

Brett, I am healthy, have work life balance and financially stable...and appreciate my singlehood.  But LIFE really s**** without my mother...hate this life design!

Rambling on...crazy me!!

Good day everyone!!!

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 20, 2019 at 11:34am

SelV, that really hit home with me. My brothers and sister were not around through my mom's illness. After she died, I tried to reach out to them. I should have known better. All I got was insults. It was horrible, and the timing of it could not have been worse.

Comment by SelV on June 20, 2019 at 8:56am

Dear Abbie...my heartfelt condolences and hugs. I wanted someone in real life, especially, my siblings,  to listen to my pain and emotions of watching my mother die but I did not get that kind of support. And I know I will never get that. Hope you have some kind of family support to tide over this period. Our mothers' death, if we had been extremely close to her and/or taken care of her, is a very very painful reality that we can never come to terms with. I am sure many of us here still cry everyday for our mothers like a little girl/boy regardless of our age. Take care girl!

 

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M Adams left a comment for Durga
"Dear Durga,  sorry that you’ve been brought low by the death of your mother, it is such a painful loss to bear.  There is a group here called I Miss My Mom that might be helpful to you.  My mother died nine months ago and this…"
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Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Jul 17
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Jul 17
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Jul 17
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15

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