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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 731
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Sue Toler on June 13, 2019 at 3:16pm

They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just wish I could tell her one more time how much I love her & what a wonderful Mom she was.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 2:47pm

I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to do. I knew who to call, but how do you go from having someone be a constant part of your life, the best part, to not having her at all? It's an odd feeling. I was just looking at her, seeing that same familiar face, but I knew she was far away from me.

It was worth it though. Mom will always be worth it.

Comment by Sue Toler on June 13, 2019 at 2:14pm

Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my parents.  I was with my Mom when she passed & it was so sudden.  Someone told me you are never ready & I know I wasn't.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 1:27pm

It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you.

Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will listen for a minute and then she will start talking about her grand kids latest accomplishments, or about a vacation that her kids are taking. I am not afforded grief.

Sometimes we have to take this walk alone. There are people who have a wonderful support system. God Bless them. There are others who do not. I come here from time to time because I know that the people here understand. I hope to offer a listening ear to others as well. I can't be where you are and put my arm around you, but I can sure listen, and I sure do understand.

Comment by Sue Toler on June 13, 2019 at 12:02pm

Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so much.  My whole life has changed.  This website is such a blessing & help right now.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 11:01am

Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important to face them head on. It sounds like you are.

Comment by Sue Toler on June 13, 2019 at 6:13am

I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  

Comment by Sue Toler on June 13, 2019 at 6:03am

I had such a close bond with my Mom.  We always were so close.  I feel the same way.  There is just such a loss now.  I miss her so much.  There is nothing that compares to a mother's love.  I was blessed to have a wonderful Mom, but I miss her so much now.  I talked to her about everything.  She was the one person in my life I knew I could trust & that really cared.  

Comment by Avi on June 13, 2019 at 2:25am

I agree Brett. It is mainly the guilt. Thanks for the nice words

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 1:20am

After my mom died I came to a sad reality. It didn't really matter who reached out to me. I mean, it certainly helped to have a shoulder to lean on, but the only person I really wanted to talk to was my mom. I can't have that. We can't have that.

Avi, what you are talking about is two fold. One: It's hard to have a good time because we remember what we have lost, and it can hit you right in the middle of a good belly laugh. Grief has a very long reach. Two: And this is most unfortunate, is the frequent guilt that accompanies grief. It's one thing for me to say to myself, "How can I be having a good time without mom?" I can live with that. It's when I start feeling guilt about all of the things I think I should have done. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't have the old days back. I hope and pray that we all can let go of the lingering, ever present grief that we have. We can learn from our mistakes, but we cannot go back and make them right. Mom's have strong shoulders. If ever I let my mom down, she loved me with all of her heart knowing full well that I was a long way from perfect. It's that unconditional love that I miss the most.

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
19 hours ago
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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