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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on March 1, 2019 at 10:45pm

I sure know that feeling. I was thinking about this today. I have faith that my mom is in heaven. And, yes I would rather be in heaven with my mom than be here. But here's the really sad things. Even if there is nothing after we die, I would prefer that to being without my mom.

I'm going to see my life through until my last natural breath, but I would honestly rather not be here. That's not the way it's suppose to be, but that's how I feel. I'm just here for my dog. When she's gone, I hope I will find another reason to get up in the morning.

Comment by SelV on March 1, 2019 at 7:01pm

The dawn of March...last two weeks of Mum's life on Earth. And grief became my companion thereafter. Half a century living with that woman who carried me in her womb and now life without her has become meaningless for me. Life without my mother, my best friend, my little world...is just mere existence in this big world. Functioning better does not equate to feeling better.  All I want is to be with my mother again. I am choking.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 28, 2019 at 12:07am

Avi, I have been thinking about your post all day.  And I do not want you to feel like you are alone at all. There's not a day that goes by, not an hour when I don't think about my mom. And I think for people like me and Theresa, days have become years. Sadly there comes a time when we see this as the new normal. But three years is still early where grief is concerned. I am always hoping that as time goes on this may get a little easier. And I think there will be times when it feels that way, and then other times when reality slaps us right in the face. For me, I just miss my mom. The guilt has subsided because I loved her SO much, and she knew that. Your mom knows that, too. Missing her still hasn't stopped though. The only thing that I can think of that would make me feel batter is my mom, and I can't have that. So, know that you are not alone. We may be an ocean apart, but I am grieving right next to you.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 27, 2019 at 12:37pm

That's all it takes, Avi. Just one thing that makes you want to get up in the morning. That's a good start.

Comment by Avi on February 27, 2019 at 12:28pm

Hi All, 

Today I again cried remembering my mother. I miss her so much and feels devastated sometimes. My daughter is my motivation to live. 

Comment by Theresa on February 20, 2019 at 5:44am

I envy people also Brett that have a loving support system to help them through what we are going through.

God is love and he wants us to be compassionate and kind, and he will always be by our side.

I believe that

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 17, 2019 at 10:08pm

You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed her body just started to shut down. It was like a little boat that kept springing leaks. We would plug a leak and then there would be another one. I ran out of fingers after a while. I couldn't stop it. Praying couldn't stop it. Her doctors couldn't stop it. Now I am just waiting for another leak to emerge. It's all I know, and it's all I've seen. I can tell another person that things are going to be okay, but I just can't believe it for myself. I am going to have to experience consistent peace and small victories before I can or will believe that things will be okay again. When my mom died my security was just ripped away violently. After a 12 year battle you would think that I had time to prepare, but I was not prepared, and I don't know if you can be prepared to lose the center of your life like that. They say that God is love. In an instant what I loved was gone. So I lost my mom and God suddenly seemed very far away. I have not recovered yet.

I truly envy people who have a loving support system to help them through something like this. 

Comment by M Adams on February 17, 2019 at 12:27pm

Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.  Something bad has always been and will always be around the corner, but before the traumatic loss we weathered bad things, and realized — without really even thinking about it — that there were also good surprises around corners from time to time.  In my case, and my impression is that this is true for lots of people, the time before the traumatic loss was a long period of nonstop vigilance and anxiety punctuated by mostly terrible occurrences and a constant struggle to help the beloved person stay alive...a struggle which of course will ultimately fail.  

It’s probably not so surprising that this experience, a kind of training in bad outcomes and terrible shocks, leaves its imprint on the survivor — the depth and duration of the impression no doubt depends on many factors, but regardless of why, it seems like we have to nurture ourselves and bring ourselves along, unless there is someone around with the love and insight to be of assistance in this particular way.  I think it helps, at least seems to help me, to silently list any good things (however tiny)  that happened during the day, when I get into bed and turn out the light.  I also tried writing down things to be grateful for, but it is too soon for me, i think...seemed to just trigger grief and bitterness.  Maybe I will try again in the future.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 16, 2019 at 11:10am

Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's just the way I'm conditioned. That's something people who haven't lived through this just cannot understand. I just have to keep working and taking baby steps.

Comment by Theresa on February 16, 2019 at 5:45am

Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too

That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.  

You are making a positive impact, I know you have on here.

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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