I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by Avi on January 16, 2019 at 12:45am

Thanks M adams and Brett. Will wait for that time when I get over the guilt. 

Starting my day with positive today. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 15, 2019 at 2:16pm

Avi, I agree with M. I'm not one to give advice because I have not conquered those guilty feelings either. I have a feeling, and that is all I can go by, that one day we will grow tired of beating ourselves up, and that's when we will take a greater step towards healing. Our moms know very well how much we love them.

Comment by M Adams on January 15, 2019 at 11:53am

Avi, so good to hear that you can feel celebratory.  Engaging in life is important, it is something every parent wants for their child.  At the same time, I think in bereavement it’s hard to handle celebratory occasions because our emotions are so volatile and exacerbated.  There may be moments of beauty, then a crash into feelings of pointlessness, absurdity, resentment, whatever. That’s why I didn’t want to be bothered with my birthday this year, so close to my mother’s death, I just felt I couldn’t maintain composure and still get any joy from the experience.  And I’m tired of people tolerating my tears and sorrow, especially family members who just don’t share my feelings of loss.  In the end I was forced to do it and it was okay, but not joyful for me.  Ideally I think it’s better when you can decide what kind of events and celebrations are right for you, have some control ... but that’s not always workable.  Hope your little girl is brightening your days in this new year.

Comment by Avi on January 15, 2019 at 8:56am

Hi All, 

Just returned from a small trip in India only. Whenever I celebrate, I feel guilty. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 11, 2019 at 2:33pm

I never thought that your mom wasn't tidy. When my mom got really sick, her ways didn't change. She would say, "How does the kitchen look?" I would tell her that it was fine, but she would say, "Get in there and clean it up." Even if it was clean I would make cleaning noises to appease her. Mom got a rumba vacuum cleaner because she couldn't vacuum every day anymore. It was adorable. Mom didn't understand modern technology. She would talk to it. After it made several passes in one room, mom would say to it, "Go on and get my room now." When the it ignored her she would say, "Now, you listen to me!! Git!!"

Comment by M Adams on January 11, 2019 at 1:51pm

Just to be clear, my mother also liked things kept tidy and despite her health issues made the bed every day, though not necessarily first thing.  I definitely didn’t mean to suggest that we got into an unmade bed to watch afternoon tv — she would not like that imputation at all!   

To my surprise, my determinedly undomesticated father has been making the bed every morning since my mother’s death.  He did occasionally help her change the bed and so on, but I never had the impression that he cared about beds being made.  Obviously he does now.

Comment by Theresa on January 11, 2019 at 5:53am

Brett, my mom did the same she made her bed every day, and the day before she went to the hospital in the ambulance, I got to her house and her bed was made....

I do the same...

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 7, 2019 at 9:12pm

I never really outgrew laying down next to my mom. She outgrew it for me. Mom was real fussy about her bed. Her mom was, too. Mom would make up her bed all the way through her sickness. I don't know how she did it but she did. There came a point when I would lat down next to my mom out of necessity and she was too sick to argue. I needed to be there in case she needed me. Mom was never a mushy person, but she relented in the end. She would let me hold her hand. I guess she knew that time was running out and that I needed that.

Comment by M Adams on January 7, 2019 at 4:50pm

Brett, you brought back a memory — for some reason I never became grownup enough to not lie down in the big bed with my mom.  In the last few years we would go in there, close the door, get under the covers, and watch an old movie on the barely functioning bedroom tv whenever my father took an impromptu nap in the den, where the “good” television is.  It was often more hanging out and talking, putting on hand cream, etc., than serious movie watching.  When my father would eventually wake up he would always throw the door open dramatically and express some degree of outrage at our sneaking off.

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 7, 2019 at 12:55pm

Just seems like the world is a cold place without my mom. It's the same world it always was, but I view it differently now. I imagine that I always will. There is never a good time to lose your mom, but I sure wish that she was still here with me, healthy.


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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Karolien updated their profile
Lynn Williams commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thinking of everyone here with love"
Connie K commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"It's been so long since I've been here. Somehow I don't get notifications anymore. And from November til after y sin' birthday March 31 I just want to run away and disengage with the world. But I think of you all and send you…"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I envy people also Brett that have a loving support system to help them through what we are going through. God is love and he wants us to be compassionate and kind, and he will always be by our side. I believe that"
Holly Baldwin joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Holly Baldwin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
joe kelly replied to Jade Rogers's discussion Hi!
"Dear Jade, I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who…"
Dennis C. and Virginia G are now friends
Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"

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