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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by M Adams on January 15, 2019 at 11:53am

Avi, so good to hear that you can feel celebratory.  Engaging in life is important, it is something every parent wants for their child.  At the same time, I think in bereavement it’s hard to handle celebratory occasions because our emotions are so volatile and exacerbated.  There may be moments of beauty, then a crash into feelings of pointlessness, absurdity, resentment, whatever. That’s why I didn’t want to be bothered with my birthday this year, so close to my mother’s death, I just felt I couldn’t maintain composure and still get any joy from the experience.  And I’m tired of people tolerating my tears and sorrow, especially family members who just don’t share my feelings of loss.  In the end I was forced to do it and it was okay, but not joyful for me.  Ideally I think it’s better when you can decide what kind of events and celebrations are right for you, have some control ... but that’s not always workable.  Hope your little girl is brightening your days in this new year.

Comment by Avi on January 15, 2019 at 8:56am

Hi All, 

Just returned from a small trip in India only. Whenever I celebrate, I feel guilty. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 11, 2019 at 2:33pm

I never thought that your mom wasn't tidy. When my mom got really sick, her ways didn't change. She would say, "How does the kitchen look?" I would tell her that it was fine, but she would say, "Get in there and clean it up." Even if it was clean I would make cleaning noises to appease her. Mom got a rumba vacuum cleaner because she couldn't vacuum every day anymore. It was adorable. Mom didn't understand modern technology. She would talk to it. After it made several passes in one room, mom would say to it, "Go on and get my room now." When the it ignored her she would say, "Now, you listen to me!! Git!!"

Comment by M Adams on January 11, 2019 at 1:51pm

Just to be clear, my mother also liked things kept tidy and despite her health issues made the bed every day, though not necessarily first thing.  I definitely didn’t mean to suggest that we got into an unmade bed to watch afternoon tv — she would not like that imputation at all!   

To my surprise, my determinedly undomesticated father has been making the bed every morning since my mother’s death.  He did occasionally help her change the bed and so on, but I never had the impression that he cared about beds being made.  Obviously he does now.

Comment by Theresa on January 11, 2019 at 5:53am

Brett, my mom did the same she made her bed every day, and the day before she went to the hospital in the ambulance, I got to her house and her bed was made....

I do the same...

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 7, 2019 at 9:12pm

I never really outgrew laying down next to my mom. She outgrew it for me. Mom was real fussy about her bed. Her mom was, too. Mom would make up her bed all the way through her sickness. I don't know how she did it but she did. There came a point when I would lat down next to my mom out of necessity and she was too sick to argue. I needed to be there in case she needed me. Mom was never a mushy person, but she relented in the end. She would let me hold her hand. I guess she knew that time was running out and that I needed that.

Comment by M Adams on January 7, 2019 at 4:50pm

Brett, you brought back a memory — for some reason I never became grownup enough to not lie down in the big bed with my mom.  In the last few years we would go in there, close the door, get under the covers, and watch an old movie on the barely functioning bedroom tv whenever my father took an impromptu nap in the den, where the “good” television is.  It was often more hanging out and talking, putting on hand cream, etc., than serious movie watching.  When my father would eventually wake up he would always throw the door open dramatically and express some degree of outrage at our sneaking off.

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 7, 2019 at 12:55pm

Just seems like the world is a cold place without my mom. It's the same world it always was, but I view it differently now. I imagine that I always will. There is never a good time to lose your mom, but I sure wish that she was still here with me, healthy.

Comment by SelV on January 7, 2019 at 1:58am

It's ok Brett...having a good time with your friends and then feeling guilty afterwards. You are still grieving. 

It is important not to dismiss, deny, belittle or escape our grief. Don't rush through it. Deal with it head-on...it is painful, I know. 

I too wish, I could do a time travel...back to the past. Happy days. Happy family. And my beautiful mum.

Right now, I can only relieve that golden era. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 6, 2019 at 11:03pm

I had a sad thought today. I remember one Christmas, I wanted a digital wrist watch. Believe it or not they were new at the time. My mom got one for me for Christmas. I wore it to bed and I kept waking up to press the little button so the watch would light up, and I could see what time it was. I just keep thinking, my mom was a single parent. She worked hard and always got us what we wanted most at Christmas. At some point she had gone to the mall after work and got that for me. It wasn't expensive or anything, but it still means the world to me. To be loved that much, and to think, if I had wanted to I could have gone into my mom's room and lay down beside her. I did that a lot when I was little, whenever I was lonely or scared.

I can't do that now. I wouldn't crawl up beside her in bed now, but I would sit next to her and I would tell her how horrible it has been without her. And I would thank her for everything she did for me, and apologize for all of the bad things. The thing is, I want to go home. I want to get in my car and drive back to the 70's or 80's. I can't.

I miss my mom. I miss feeling safe and loved. I went to church today and cried at the altar. That's the closest I can come to my mom now. It's just not enough. I need to put my head in her lap and cry. 

 

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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why do god let wong 1s die or sufferrr

i no iv askt stuff on off l hav for 7 yrs on hear on off sineses iv bean hearwhy duzegot let gooodd gud pepplee suffrwen u get bad pepplee it kill or hyrtt hurtt not suffr 1 bit in lifee suffrr gud peepplee i no suffr coz of god i ask why]wen bad pepllee do bad stuff lk kill rapee  molestr  peppllee go free not be punchessd ty do not i get mad wen i hear kids died peplee it do no harmm 2 no 1 die bad detahtss deathss y thy doSee More
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