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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on January 1, 2019 at 12:23pm

Avi, I thought about that as I posted. We all have different experiences. Theresa didn't get to say goodbye to her mom, and I know how you feel about your last days with your mom. We have a saying in the church, "Robbing Peter to save Paul." Basically it means trading one thing for another with no clear advantage. While I did my best with my mom, I could probably list 100 other ways in which I came up short. My mom's death was like a nuclear warhead going off. I survived, but I feel like the world as I know it has been destroyed. I'm trying to pick up the pieces and am not succeeding. For all of my great memories of that time, I also have so many traumatic memories as well. And what's scary is that you realize that life doesn't wait for you to pick up the pieces. It just keeps coming at you. Quite often I just want to give up but I can't. We have to keep plugging. Somehow, we have to keep trying. 

Comment by Avi on January 1, 2019 at 11:39am

Brett, the feeling that your mom loved when you took care for her is amazingly pleasing as I do not have the same feeling. 

I would easily lived with this feeling the rest of my life but unfortunately for me it is not the case. I think she may have thought that I have not taken good care of her. In the last few days I was there but I feel guilty of not able to understand her illness clearly and made her last few days very painful. I was trying to save her but it never worked. 

Wishing you all a very happy new year. For me 2018 was worst than 2017. My mother's critical illness was detected in 2017 but she died in 2018 so I consider both of these year as devastating for me. I hope to find peace in 2019. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 1, 2019 at 1:00am

I felt that as well. There were times when my mom would bounce back and be able to drive and shop and take care of herself. Those were such good times. It always culminated with mom and I watching television at the end of the night, laughing over the same episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond over and over again. I just enjoyed my mom's company. She was my best friend, and then couple that with our dogs, I couldn't have asked for anything more. I will miss that for the rest of my life.

And then the gratitude. When the chips were really down, my mom was so grateful that I was there for her. If I just got her a glass of water, I could see it in her eyes. Once I heard her talking on the phone to one of her sisters. She said, "I couldn't ask for better care. If I so much as cough he is standing over me." That just made my heart leap. My mom was a single mom who did it all for us, and even if it were only one of her children, she seemed so pleased that I was trying to give back. It always kind of surprised my mom that a man could be tender. She trusted me so much and that meant the world to me.

Comment by M Adams on January 1, 2019 at 12:24am

In my case the gift was being able to help my mom and to be with her.  Despite her health challenges there was a lot of joy in our relationship, joy that is gone from the house now.  Very empty here without her spirit of celebration and gratitude.  I’m realizing that being there for her death, holding her hand as she died, was not as important to me as being there in the years before when we were so close and shared so much.  I am grateful to have been there at the end, and it was my honour and responsibility, but it was also traumatic, a trauma that those who choose not to help are spared.  

My mom and I played scrabble together a lot — since her death I have not played. Tonight, though, thought I would try to play with my brother as a sort of ritual, and found the board mysteriously broken.  Not a big deal but brought tears.  Never know what will do that these days.

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 31, 2018 at 8:51pm

Being my mom's caretaker was the greatest blessing of my life, but it has some with a cost. I wouldn't trade with my brother's and sister in anyway shape or form. When they remember mom, I'm not sure what they remember. I mean, they have memories, but not like what I have. I could not have gotten more from my relationship with my mom, and I was fortunate enough to be with her until her dying breath, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's not easy for any of us. Far from it.

Comment by SelV on December 31, 2018 at 8:07pm

Indeed Brett, sadness personifies us. 

My five siblings have returned to their more or less 'normal' life with their spouses, children or pets and work, social life. Mum was never a long term responsibility for them. I cannot be angry with my siblings or envy them at all. I am happy for them...at least they do not have to wallow in the grief for this long. How long for me...I don't know. Let nature takes it course.

Comment by Avi on December 31, 2018 at 6:02am

Yes well said Brett. Just looking this new year eve as yet another day. Hope to see the light at the end of tunnel. 

Hugs to all friends here and thanks for your continuous support. Will love to talk to you guys over phone or skype someday. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 31, 2018 at 1:23am

Hugs to you, Crystal. I'm right there with you.

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 31, 2018 at 1:21am

SelV, in so many ways your post reminds of something anyone of us would say. The timing is different but we all have similar feelings. I have three cousins who lost their mom just a couple of months ago, but they are so much farther along in their development than I am, and I know that has so much to do with their support system. Many of us just can't replace that unconditional love. I know I can't. I love my dog. She is all that I have.

I have said this before. We are a sad group. I don't mean that we are bad people. I just mean that we are literally sad. We are brokenhearted. Keep taking baby steps. Do what you have to do to make it through another day. Always have hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Pray. This road is leading us somewhere.

Comment by Crystal K on December 31, 2018 at 1:14am

Sending hugs to everyone today and tomorrow. Another year without my mom :( Missing her so much. 

 

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