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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by M Adams on January 31, 2019 at 11:44am

Came across this picture of my mother and thought I could share it here.

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 18, 2019 at 4:27pm

I agree with all of that. I didn't expect a reward. My mom was reward enough, but I am not the same person that I once was. And I thought that some kind of balance would occur. I can't explain that really. It's been defeating. As soon as I wake up in the morning I remember that mom is gone, my dog is elderly and blind, etc. I just don't understand. I just always have this hope that something is around the corner. And I do try. I don't sit around waiting for something good to happen, but I feel like it's beaten dog syndrome. I am used to bad things happening now. That's not a fun way to live. But I do have faith in God, and I hope and pray that he is walking with me on this journey.

Comment by M Adams on January 18, 2019 at 2:53pm

After my husband’s death, and now after losing my mother, I also found myself somehow imagining that, not so much that something good would happen, more that some kind of reward would come to me, something to balance off the pain and compensate for all the sacrifices that come with loving and caring for someone with health issues.  Strange because I would also say that I never expected any kind of compensation and would get angry when people praised me for being a “caregiver” — I felt that to be an insult to my mother, and to my husband, and to the kind of relationships that we had.  Given all that it was quite a shock to recognize this hope for “something good” in me, because I definitely don’t believe that there is a personal deity watching me and rewarding my good actions.  Nor have I noticed that those around me in the world are disposed to be fair minded in terms of recognizing good deeds or sacrifices.  More the opposite, actually.  Still, I suddenly realized that on some level I was expecting something, at least some recognition of how “good” I have been ...however, like Brett, in the years since my beloved husband died, and now in the months without my sweet mother, I have lost steadily in every sphere of life.  Personal, professional, creative, domestic, emotional, whatever.  The demands on me now, the bleak future that is being mapped out for me, really make me feel hopeless.  I guess the only good thing in my situation is that I don’t believe that a deity is doing this to me for some punitive or corrective reason, any more than I believe that a deity wanted to take my mother away from me, or deprive me of my husband — such beliefs would make it even worse for me.  

Comment by Theresa on January 18, 2019 at 7:53am

Well, Brett, one day we all shall see, I have many many questions, but no one to answer them.

My heart still aches everyday, I still cry, but no one understands why, they have no clue....

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 17, 2019 at 10:12pm

There's something that has been on my mind lately and this is the best place to mention it. As much as I feared and dreaded my mom's death, I sort of felt like something good would happen, maybe not right away, but eventually. Like Karma would be looking out for me. The past three years without my mom has been horrible, one bad things after another. I don't understand. And while it hasn't challenged my faith in God, it has made me realize that I do not understand how God works. I just can't believe that after a 12 year battle with my mom's health, and all of the fear and trauma that came with it, that God would say, "Now I'm really going to kick his tail." It doesn't make sense. I am told that God loves us so much that he is sad when we are sad. I could make a list of setbacks that have occurred since my mom died. It just doesn't stop. The faith in me makes me believe that there is a reason for all of this. I just don't know what that reason is.

Comment by Avi on January 16, 2019 at 12:45am

Thanks M adams and Brett. Will wait for that time when I get over the guilt. 

Starting my day with positive today. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 15, 2019 at 2:16pm

Avi, I agree with M. I'm not one to give advice because I have not conquered those guilty feelings either. I have a feeling, and that is all I can go by, that one day we will grow tired of beating ourselves up, and that's when we will take a greater step towards healing. Our moms know very well how much we love them.

Comment by M Adams on January 15, 2019 at 11:53am

Avi, so good to hear that you can feel celebratory.  Engaging in life is important, it is something every parent wants for their child.  At the same time, I think in bereavement it’s hard to handle celebratory occasions because our emotions are so volatile and exacerbated.  There may be moments of beauty, then a crash into feelings of pointlessness, absurdity, resentment, whatever. That’s why I didn’t want to be bothered with my birthday this year, so close to my mother’s death, I just felt I couldn’t maintain composure and still get any joy from the experience.  And I’m tired of people tolerating my tears and sorrow, especially family members who just don’t share my feelings of loss.  In the end I was forced to do it and it was okay, but not joyful for me.  Ideally I think it’s better when you can decide what kind of events and celebrations are right for you, have some control ... but that’s not always workable.  Hope your little girl is brightening your days in this new year.

Comment by Avi on January 15, 2019 at 8:56am

Hi All, 

Just returned from a small trip in India only. Whenever I celebrate, I feel guilty. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 11, 2019 at 2:33pm

I never thought that your mom wasn't tidy. When my mom got really sick, her ways didn't change. She would say, "How does the kitchen look?" I would tell her that it was fine, but she would say, "Get in there and clean it up." Even if it was clean I would make cleaning noises to appease her. Mom got a rumba vacuum cleaner because she couldn't vacuum every day anymore. It was adorable. Mom didn't understand modern technology. She would talk to it. After it made several passes in one room, mom would say to it, "Go on and get my room now." When the it ignored her she would say, "Now, you listen to me!! Git!!"

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
46 minutes ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
48 minutes ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
10 hours ago
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
14 hours ago
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15 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
18 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
20 hours ago
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yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
yesterday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
Thursday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
Thursday
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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