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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2018 at 9:09pm

Theresa, I don't know if we can be thankful that our mom's died under any circumstances. 

Comment by Theresa on October 16, 2018 at 11:29am
True Brett
Should I be thankful? My mom died in an instant she was herself until the last minute. Some say I’m lucky I didn’t have to watch her suffer. But my mom used to always say we suffer everyday in this earth.
I would have been right at her bedside if she was sick. I would not have left her side. But our Lord chose another path for her and I.
You know it aggravates me when people say do you know how lucky you are actually I hate them and I really have nothing to say to them but is that what you think You’ll see
Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2018 at 10:47am
No, she didn't everyone, good or bad, dies. Few people have an easy death.
Comment by Theresa on October 16, 2018 at 8:45am
Wow Avi I believe in karma but I’m not sure that your mom has done anything wrong present or past that would make her have gotten that disease
Comment by Avi on October 16, 2018 at 8:11am

Thanks Theressa. Yes hope the questions will be answered. In my country, lot of importance is given to Karma and it is believed that whatever you sow and you will reap the same. Not sure how this karma cycle is analyzed and who decided if this was a bad karma. If I believe that my mom got this horrible disease due to her past karmas then it is very disturbing because she was such a nice lady. Then people say that it is karma of past lives. Hard to understand but need to believe.

Comment by Theresa on October 16, 2018 at 7:50am
Yes Avi That’s what we all have to do we have to go on with our lives it’s so much easier said than done I cry sometimes uncontrollably I have hope that one day every question or any uncertainty we have will be answered
Comment by Avi on October 16, 2018 at 7:43am

Guys it is completely 1 year when my mother's cancer was detected. I hope I can go back in time and change everything but I can only live with it. 

Comment by Theresa on October 16, 2018 at 5:47am

Same Brett, yesterday out of the blue driving home from work I burst into tears saying mom why didn't you wait for me to get there before you went in cardiac arrest, well now isn't that stupid on my part.  

I feel that I am a changed person, not the same as I was before.  I never question God, because I know in my heart he with beside me through thick and thin.

I always say mom please somehow let me know you are near me, nothing yet.

and Brett, my lab is 11 I am watching him age right in front of me getting arthritic, and so on, I pray please God help me, he is all I have, I pray to the Blessed Sacrament in the Chapel every Friday during my volunteer hour, please don't take my dog, not yet.

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2018 at 1:43am

I'll keep going though. I'll keep praying. I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I do not seem to get anywhere.

I will always pray for a wink or a nod. Just something to let me know that the Lord is walking with me.

I'm broken. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2018 at 1:40am

Guys, my heart is just broken. So broken. It's not because of some kind of change. It's just three years of sadness that continues to pull me down, and makes me feel that there is very little hope. I am a very spiritual person. When lie was going good it was easy to give thanks to God. My years with mom as her caretaker was emotionally exhausting, t he fear was horrible, but I still had mom. When my mom died I was sure that good things were on the way, but it has just been three years of misery, I have a hole in my heart the size of Texas. To have a bad three years is one thing, but to have it after watching my mom die was horrible. I pray so much. What I'm praying for is not a miracle. It's just a feeling that God is with me through this. That he is walking beside me,  that he has a plan for my life, and that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I believe that we should pray with our hearts and not our mouths. I certainly do that. I just feel like I am dropping my bucket down an empty well. My faith has not been shaken. I believe God is there, but I also believe that either he is going to make me experience this, or that he doesn't get involved, or at least, he doesn't get involved with me. I ask for forgiveness so much.

This past Sunday I slipped out the side door at church. I usually stay and help pick up, and I talk to people. I'm pulling away from people because it doesn't seem they can help, and I am sure that they are tired of hearing about it.

Worst of all, well, losing my mom was worst of all, but you guys didn't know me before my mom died. I was all entertainment all of the time. So many friends would tell me that I didn't have to make them laugh, that they would love me anyway. What a load of crap that was. As the jokes dried up, people started to disappear. Not at first. I  think people thought I would break out of my funk, but when that didn't happen, folks started disappearing.

I focus all of my love on one elderly, blind dog. Lord help me when she dies.

 

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Be thou my vision - (with lyrics)

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