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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 731
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2018 at 1:40am

Guys, my heart is just broken. So broken. It's not because of some kind of change. It's just three years of sadness that continues to pull me down, and makes me feel that there is very little hope. I am a very spiritual person. When lie was going good it was easy to give thanks to God. My years with mom as her caretaker was emotionally exhausting, t he fear was horrible, but I still had mom. When my mom died I was sure that good things were on the way, but it has just been three years of misery, I have a hole in my heart the size of Texas. To have a bad three years is one thing, but to have it after watching my mom die was horrible. I pray so much. What I'm praying for is not a miracle. It's just a feeling that God is with me through this. That he is walking beside me,  that he has a plan for my life, and that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I believe that we should pray with our hearts and not our mouths. I certainly do that. I just feel like I am dropping my bucket down an empty well. My faith has not been shaken. I believe God is there, but I also believe that either he is going to make me experience this, or that he doesn't get involved, or at least, he doesn't get involved with me. I ask for forgiveness so much.

This past Sunday I slipped out the side door at church. I usually stay and help pick up, and I talk to people. I'm pulling away from people because it doesn't seem they can help, and I am sure that they are tired of hearing about it.

Worst of all, well, losing my mom was worst of all, but you guys didn't know me before my mom died. I was all entertainment all of the time. So many friends would tell me that I didn't have to make them laugh, that they would love me anyway. What a load of crap that was. As the jokes dried up, people started to disappear. Not at first. I  think people thought I would break out of my funk, but when that didn't happen, folks started disappearing.

I focus all of my love on one elderly, blind dog. Lord help me when she dies.

Comment by Avi on October 14, 2018 at 10:06am

Lia, your post made me cry because I also feel similar. 

I wish you all strength 

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 12, 2018 at 11:48am

Lia, a few lost minutes cannot compete with a lifetime of love that you shared with your mom.

Comment by M Adams on October 11, 2018 at 1:13pm

As Brett suggests, you sure can be griefstricken without feelings of guilt -- for me guilt doesn't seem relevant to my deep sadness about losing my mother.  It's more a combination of loneliness, shock, emptiness, disappointment (because she'd come through so much and was really improving, then suddenly collapsed), and a kind of futile anger at all the suffering she so patiently endured.  I find myself longing to look at photographs of her, but when I do I start crying and have to put them away.  I keep thinking 'I must tell Mom about this' and then remembering I can't.  

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 11, 2018 at 8:38am

Seems like we all have our regrets and sadness that we live with every day. But I have noticed for myself that though I still have them, they have softened over time.

Bluebell

On a different subject I want to celebrate this morning of being able to sit comfortably on my bum. Physical Therapy has changed his plan of exercise and it is working after only having 2 sessions!

Comment by Theresa on October 11, 2018 at 5:55am

Brett, me too, the only guilt I have is if I did not stop at her house for three minutes, I would have been there, but I was not.

I say it everyday why did I do that...

Comment by Virginia G on October 11, 2018 at 12:32am

Avi, what is what’s app?  I don’t have a smart phone.

Comment by Virginia G on October 11, 2018 at 12:29am

The pain seems to get worse everyday.  I guess the numbness is starting to wear off.  I need God to listen to me.  I can’t live like this.

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 10, 2018 at 2:01pm

Me too Brett

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 10, 2018 at 11:24am

Even if I didn't have guilt, I would still miss my mom very badly.

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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