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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 721
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I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

I miss my Mom too.

Started by Anthony Jul 25.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

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Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 3:42pm

Pamela,

Those are hurtful things you had to deal with.  I am so fortunate that drinking was never a frequent activity with most of my family.  The only thing I can say is this.  I am the one feeling guilty, desperately hoping my Mom and God can forgive all the things I did wrong.  I’m sure your Mom is sorry for what she caused you and is hoping for your forgiveness.

Comment by BLUEBELL on July 12, 2018 at 3:32pm

Thank you Brett. It is very scary. What I do not like the most is the lack of motivation and being so easily fatigued. I am also frustrated with the lack of support from the Doctors. I keep asking it it would be dangerous to increase a certain medication from 5 mgs to 10 mgs. I am getting no straight answers how much the % of a bleed risk would increase and I am being left to make the decision myself. I feel abandoned.

Bluebell

Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 3:25pm

Brett, the dr may realize that he didn’t tell me what was going on in the hospital and that’s why I have all the questions.  I blame myself for getting upset with him, then not seeking him out but he might feel responsible. I don’t know.

I can’t believe your Dad.  Good thing your Mom made up for it.  You turned out great without him.

Comment by Pamela philipp on July 12, 2018 at 3:20pm

Virginia yes I will tell you what she lied about who my father is my mother told me the man who is on my birth certificate was my father but he told me I was not his daughter and I look like my so called step father who raised me since I was a baby then my mother told me she met my step dad in the summer of 61 I was born in spring of 62 then and until she died she insisted the man on my birth certificate was my father she was worried how people would look at her because she lied about my brother who we found out she had an affair and he has a different dad also she was a mean alcoholic and was extremely abusive to us if I ever get the money to pay for a full sibling test I will finally get the peace of mind of the answer that I asked her for no begged her to tell me the truth and she would not everyone in my family believes my step dad is my father unfortunately both possible dads have passed away many years ago sorry to babble on I just wanted to try to explain better thanks

Comment by Virginia G on July 12, 2018 at 3:11pm

Bluebell,

Are you having more symptoms to make you think this?  Or is it from the anxiety of the one you had?  Did they say how long it would take for it to resolve?  

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 12, 2018 at 3:04pm

Bluebell, I have experienced this and it was the scariest time in my life. It was caused by a concussion. After leaving the hospital I had lingering issues. I had trouble putting two and two together. I went back to the ER twice. The consensus was that I may still have bleeding. I didn't understand why they just wouldn't give me another scan to see for themselves. I just had to wait. It seemed to me that the decision was that either I would get better or I wouldn't. I felt very helpless.

You are in my prayers. And we are always here if you ever feel scared. Stay strong my friend.

Comment by BLUEBELL on July 12, 2018 at 2:26pm

I am asking for your prayers please. I am very afraid of having another bleed in my brain. I am so depressed and so very easily irritated, that it is hard to live with myself. I am not feeling positive about my future. I know this is not related to the loss of my Mom, but since you are all such supportive people, I thought you might be willing to help me.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 12, 2018 at 1:50pm

Pamela, my dad was horrible. As great as my mom was, my dad was her polar opposite. Since my mom's death I have met three new sisters. All women that were born while my mom and dad were married. My mom didn't know anything about them. That doesn't even begin to cover my dad's flaws and selfishness. He finally decided that he did not want the responsibility of having children and disappeared. Good riddance as far as I'm concerned.

There is one big difference between our situations. You obviously love your mom regardless of what transpired. I'm a religious guy but I also think for myself. I want very much to be honest with myself. It's not necessarily a matter of forgiving your mom. There's an old saying, "I can forgive but I can't forget." My dad and your mom are gone now. Regardless of what they did, they cannot hurt us anymore unless we let them. My best advice would be this... you love your mom. Love her warts and all. You don't have to approve of anything that she did that caused pain. It's over now. The residue of what she did may still be here, but there is nothing you can do now to change anything that happened. All you can do now is allow yourself to heal. Let it go if you can.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 12, 2018 at 1:26pm

Virginia, this is hard to answer because you are in a dangerous situation. Words carry a lot of weight to someone who actually listens. Please, if you ever feel the desire or need to harm yourself, call 911.

You identified the problem when you wrote, "That will never happen." You have given yourself a life sentence. You have decided to punish yourself for life. That defies reason. It's also heartbreaking to anyone who cares about you.

You know how to live. You breathe in and out. Having a quality of life is going to require work, and I am afraid that as part of your self imposed punishment, you don't think you deserve to be happy or even content.

That is a big problem. You know that God forgives you. You know that your mother forgives you. What your mom's doctor is doing is somewhat extraordinary. I imagine that he knows you have no reason to feel a lifetime of guilt. Everyone of us here feels guilt. Lord knows I do, but I also know that my guilt is undeserved and self imposed. It's just something that we do to ourselves, like we don't already feel badly enough. Our moms are gone, and it's as if the grief has us so beaten down that we feel guilty about even the notion of being happy again.

Virginia, make good choices.  Any choice that you make that brings you more self imposed pain is a bad choice.

Comment by Avi on July 12, 2018 at 12:26pm
Hi Pamela,

As your mom is not with you, I guess you can forget all lies she told you because those may be the situational action required at that time.
Now you can pray for her and as you told that you love her a lot, she is at peace for sure.
 

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