I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

I miss my Mom too.

Started by Anthony Jul 25.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

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Comment by Avi on July 23, 2018 at 2:36am

Perfectly said Brett. 

We became so selfish at the end (as we love our moms so much that we always want them to be with us) that sometime we ignore their suffering. At least, I did that during the last few days. I even took her to a scan whereas the dr had given up. It caused lot of pain to her as she was extremely weak. 

She became very ill after blood transfusion so I will recommend that terminally ill patients should not be given blood transfusion. She stopped eating after it and even drinking became an issue. 

Sometimes I feel that after few rounds of Chemo I should have stopped further treatment and let her live the way she wanted. 

These shoulda woulda are hell. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 22, 2018 at 9:23pm

Virginia, no. She doesn't understand. Her mom is young and healthy.  She has no clue. Still, she could try to be more empathetic. She's in the process of being kicked to the curb.

I met a lady today. She has pancreatic cancer.  She has refused treatment. She wanted to know if there was a holistic way to beat cancer. There is not. She watched her dad go through chemo, saw what it did to him, and he still died. I completely understand. I wonder sometimes if my mom had it to do all over again if she would put herself through the years of treatment again. My mom fought five different forms of cancer. Tons of chemo and radiation. It just destroyed her body, but the alternative is anything but pretty. This lady just wants to have some quality of life before she dies. I hope that she will have it. I think there is an important lesson in this. We wanted our moms to do whatever it would have taken to live longer, to stay with us longer. But they were the ones who had to fight the fight.

Comment by Theresa on July 22, 2018 at 6:51pm

Brett, its is supposed to rain here in Pennsylvania for the next week!!!!

I also do not have any children, just my dog.

My brother is much older than I am and his children and all grown and live far away

Comment by Virginia G on July 22, 2018 at 12:58pm

The dr from the hospital talked to my therapist.  I didn’t get any more answers.  I am convinced they gave up on her and since I did nothing, I’ll never know if she could have been helped.  I can’t fathom why I acted the way I did.  I don’t know how I live with myself.  Sometimes I think I still haven’t processed everything because if I had I’d running around screaming at the complete horror of it all.  I hope that’s the reason because I don’t understand how I’m functioning at all with the guilt and despair.

So as far as being selfish, I am the most selfish by far.  Even though I think I am at fault in so many ways, I have found myself wanting comfort.  I used to stay in my room all day by myself and cry and think.  Now I find myself not wanting to be alone.  My boyfriend gave up on me because he said I don’t think I deserve to be ok so I never will and I don’t blame him.  Brett, you mentioned having a girlfriend, does she make you feel less alone?  Everyone has their own lives and who wants to be around someone that’s sad all the time?

 All I ever wanted was to be with her, my wonderful Mom, my best friend, my everything.  

Comment by Avi on July 22, 2018 at 10:33am

I feel for you Brett if you are fighting all this alone. A big hug from India. 

Last few days were really guilt stricken for me as I was at my hometown and all memories of my mother's treatment were refreshed and it really pains. 

I have started living with the guilt now as I miss her so much. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 21, 2018 at 10:18pm

It only rains here when I want to go to the pool.

I am worried about Bluebell as well. I think she would have chimed in by now if she was feeling well.

I had a selfish moment today. I actually have a lot of those. I was at the store and I started talking to a really nice elderly man. He recently lost his wife. He told me that at first he just wanted to die. He's from New Jersey. His children live her in NC. They asked him to come down and live near them. He was telling me that the love they have given him has changed his life. Now he's very happy.

I don't have any children. I have a dog. I love my dog but it would be such a blessing to have family rally around you. A support system can make all of the difference. My mom's sisters, when they lost their mom, had husbands and children, and grandchildren. My mom had children and grandchildren. This is a horrible thing to experience alone.

I've never been a lonely person. I enjoy being by myself. I have friends and I have extended family, but I miss having someone to love and look after. I miss unconditional love. I miss giving it and receiving it.

Bluebell, if you are reading, I'm praying for you buddy. I hope that everyone is doing well. As well as they can.

Comment by Theresa on July 21, 2018 at 3:14pm
I hope everyone is doing well still have not heard from Bluebell it’s raining here today I hate weekends when it rains very depressing and boring hope to hear from everyone soon
Comment by Avi on July 18, 2018 at 12:27am

Agree Theresa. Just be what you are. 

Guys one thing that helped in this journey of grief is helping others. Please try helping the needy ones. You can also help people in India through my organization if interested. 

Comment by Theresa on July 17, 2018 at 7:40pm

I understand Brett, but I don't want to be "checked out"

They mess with your mind, I just want to be myself again.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 17, 2018 at 10:47am

I also would like to hear from Bluebell.


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