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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 719
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

I am lost without her! (MOM) 7 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by Brett Bowman May 7.

I TERRIBLY MISS MOMMY! 2 Replies

Started by Edger. Last reply by Jennifer Nuss Feb 23.

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Comment by Pamela philipp on Thursday

next month it will be three years since I lost my mom the problem I have is eight days after I lost her I lost my husband as well and I honestly haven't grieved for her at all also I carry a lot of anger when it comes to my mother growing up with her was not easy and all the lies she told are by any standard impossible to forgive and I feel terrible that I feel this way because I do miss her everyday I just don't know how to let go of hurt and anger I do love her and pray to find forgiveness but I know its not working how can I truly find forgiveness when the pain and anger she caused is sitting in the fore front what do I do ?????

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 9, 2018 at 11:23pm

Virginia, that saying, "Everything happens for a reason", and "Why do bad things happen to good people", are all overused. Everyone dies, good or bad. God's not picking on the good people. Death is the great equalizer. No one can avoid it.

Like Bluebell, I am kind of shocked that the ICU doctor wants to talk to your therapist, but I do believe his intentions may be good. It could  simply be that he wants your therapist to understand that you had no fault in this, that there was nothing that could be done for your mom. His intentions may be very good. He may just want to help you. I've never even heard of a doctor being willing to go the extra mile like that after the patient has passed. But it could be that I am giving him to much credit. He may just want to give your therapist his own opinion of you, and that may not be flattering. I'm not saying that to be indelicate. I'm just trying to figure out why he would be willing to become so involved. He may want to help you, which could be a very nice gesture. It's completely your decision. If it were me, I would be inclined to let him talk to my therapist, but I don't want to steer you wrong.

Morphine does relax the heart. In my mom's case it relaxed her lungs so that she could breathe easier. But there is more to it than that. Morphine is usually attached to end of life care, just to make the person more comfortable.

I agree with Bluebell. I wish I could think of the right words that would give you peace. I feel a lot of guilt myself, but not about my mother's death. There was nothing that I could do. There was nothing anyone could do. I have said this before, but it needs to be repeated. People do not just die. My mom and your mom were very sick. The ultimate proof of that is that they did die. If you made mistakes, or if the doctors made mistakes, there was very little room for error. No one is perfect. No one is even anywhere near close to perfect. I can tell you that the Bipap is no magic bullet. At best it could have only extended your mom's life for a little while, if that. And there comes a point when the caregiver and the doctors have to think primarily about the care receivers quality of life. Something I learned a long time ago was that my mom reached a point where she was breathing (with help) but she was not living. As much as I miss her, I am glad that she has been released from that.

Comment by BLUEBELL on July 9, 2018 at 10:23pm

The ICU doctor has no right to speak with your therapist unless you give permission. Personally, I do not know why he would want to do that. How would it help you?

I wish I could say or do something that would click with you Virginia that would somehow release you from being so hard on yourself.

Her death was not your fault. It was the disease that took her away. 

Bluebell

Comment by Virginia G on July 9, 2018 at 3:30pm

The ICU doctor wants to talk to my therapist.  So I am thinking all about the hospital again.  How I didn’t talk to the doctor, know what was going on, what was I thinking???  Why did I switch to palliative care?  They said morphine would help the heart work less hard.  That sounded like a good thing to me.  Why didn’t they tell me how little time was left?  Why didn’t they try the Bipap instead of doing nothing?  Why did I let them do nothing?  I know I posted this before but I can’t believe I let this happen. I usually am very vocal about her care.  What was I doing?  They gave up and it convinced me to also?  Maybe I should have said to use the ventilator.  No one helped her, after she did everything for me.  Take me Lord I deserve it

Comment by Virginia G on July 9, 2018 at 1:39pm

Bluebell

i have a magnet that says God spelled backwards is dog

Comment by Virginia G on July 9, 2018 at 1:34pm

Crystal,

I feel for you today, that quote is powerful.

Comment by Virginia G on July 9, 2018 at 1:32pm

I don’t agree when people say everything happens for a reason.  Why do horrific things happen?  What is the reason for cancer and disease, especially when it happens to the best people and they did nothing to cause or deserve it.  In fact, they did everything to prevent it.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 9, 2018 at 12:57pm

Douglass, I am with you on so many levels. I have not lived up to my potential, and at this point I am not sure that I will. When life kicks you in the teeth it's hard to get back up. I don't have the child like faith I once did. Now I imagine more ways that things will go wrong than I do ways  that things will go right. That has so much to do with losing my mom. I saw the worst happen.

I certainly love God but the problem I have is this... when I needed my mom all I had to do was talk to her face to face. We can't do that with God. We pray and we hope that our prayers will be answered. We are told that in the end God will wipe all of our tears away, but in this life it's our faith that gets us through. Jesus isn't going to appear in front of me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I have to have faith and look for God's hand in other areas of my life. That's hard to do when you have been wounded so badly.

Comment by BLUEBELL on July 9, 2018 at 9:09am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTBTBj8NEcw

Above is the song " In the Arms of an Angel."

Bluebell

Comment by Crystal K on July 9, 2018 at 7:29am

Hi everyone, wanted to share this with you guys. Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death-and coming across this has helped make today a little more bearable. 

 

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Monty replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope every one is doing fine. Last week my father got an infection and was hospitalized so could not follow much here. Now he is better and recovering.  Virginia, you seem to be totally engrossed in the guilt which I can…"
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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My boyfriend finally gave up.  I don’t blame him at all. And Brett I will tell you I don’t deserve the prayers, pray for my Mom please."
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So the dr talked to my therapist and he told her the same things he told me.  I had asked her to try to get more answers.  I actually feel worse because I had someone ask some doctors about using ventilators.  The oncologist told us…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, since talking to you last I have been searching for a natural solution to your issue. There are new supplements since I went through this about a year and a half ago, but my best advice would be to talk to your doctor about trying a new…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone, I have been reading, going through a tough time with my friend her dog is getting ready to go to the rainbow bridge and that set me into anxiety.  My stomach is flaring up no matter what I eat.  I started to think about my mom…"
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Profile IconAshley Gatehouse, Maria Allen and Lori Gersbeck joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Lori Gersbeck joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Orphaned Adults

This group is for adults who have lost both parents and are struggling with coming to terms with this impact, which is harder then you realize till it happens to you.
Friday
Fran replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You are not a failure! You are a survivor. It's hard to continue a life that was balanced and enriched by a truly loved spouse.  Just do what helps YOU go on."
Friday
Crystal Parker posted photos
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, my dad was horrible. My mom and my brothers and sister moved to NC where mom had family. I was six. We found a little house to rent. We had left all of our furniture at our house in Ky. I remember the day the moving truck came to our new…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I do not know if you have the same symptoms that I did. It was scary. I was in my shower one day. I was looking at my bottle of shampoo and I couldn't remember what to do with it. And then when I reached for it, it was like my arm was…"
Friday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Pamela, Those are hurtful things you had to deal with.  I am so fortunate that drinking was never a frequent activity with most of my family.  The only thing I can say is this.  I am the one feeling guilty, desperately hoping my Mom…"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett. It is very scary. What I do not like the most is the lack of motivation and being so easily fatigued. I am also frustrated with the lack of support from the Doctors. I keep asking it it would be dangerous to increase a certain…"
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, the dr may realize that he didn’t tell me what was going on in the hospital and that’s why I have all the questions.  I blame myself for getting upset with him, then not seeking him out but he might feel responsible. I…"
Thursday
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia yes I will tell you what she lied about who my father is my mother told me the man who is on my birth certificate was my father but he told me I was not his daughter and I look like my so called step father who raised me since I was a baby…"
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, Are you having more symptoms to make you think this?  Or is it from the anxiety of the one you had?  Did they say how long it would take for it to resolve?  "
Thursday

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