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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

I miss my Mom too.

Started by Anthony Jul 25.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

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Comment by Avi on May 27, 2018 at 11:56am

Yes Brett, perfectly said. They will surely forgive us and I just need to forgive myself. 

I will be fulfilling her pending wishes which will help me to forgive myself and also take more care of my Dad as he is alone now.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 27, 2018 at 11:13am

Avi, I am sorry that it's taken a while for me to respond to you. I ready your story and I felt it. I am so sorry about your mom. If someone were to ask me what the prevailing emotion on this website is, I'm not sure that I would say sadness. It may be sadness but guilt runs a pretty close second. You did what you felt was best for your mom at the time. I even felt guilty for giving my mom so much morphine while she was on Hospice. The Hospice doctor said that I was not giving her anywhere near enough. I would ask my mom if she wanted it. At first she would say no. By the end she was asking for it frequently. I felt that I was killing her, but she was already dying. My mom died of COPD. Once I had to call 911 because my mom was virtually unresponsive. They found a kink in her oxygen tubing. She was not getting oxygen. It was my job to check her tubing each day.

My guilt can be debilitating but I sure loved my mom, and I know that you loved yours just as much. For all the mistakes that we made, we loved them foremost. Our mom's knew that. They forgave us and they forgive us.

I pray that you will find peace. You deserve it.

Comment by Avi on May 27, 2018 at 11:04am

Thanks for amazing words Brett. Yes the belief that we will meet our mother in heaven is a great motivation to love life.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 27, 2018 at 10:59am

A friend of mine lost his brother to suicide last year. My friend asked me if I thought that his brother was in Hell. There's a question that no one wants to be asked. There's just no way of knowing. And I don't want to make a joke out of this, but I haven't been the luckiest person since my mom died. If I had ended my own life, that would be just my luck to end up in Hell. Like Virginia said, I don't want to ruin my chances of being with my mom again, and not just for a little while, but for eternity. No thank you.

I do believe that we will be with our mom's again in heaven, but I also  think that we will feel an immediate connection with everyone there, like we have known them forever. We are all a part of the whole (God). God is love. This is just personal opinion, but I think our pets will be there, too. Jesus said that our joy will be complete. I can't imagine my joy being complete without all of my little furry friends.

This is all just a guess on my part. I guess we won't know for sure until we get there.

I told my friend that I thought his brother was in heaven. Part of that was to make him feel better, but also, his brother had severe mental issues. I just can't imagine that God would punish someone for having a disease. One thing I do know is that I cannot speak for God.

I think there is one more thing to consider. Something that means a great deal to me. Christ suffered in a way that we will probably never have to, and he did it knowingly. He always knew how he would die, and he allowed it to happen for our benefit. Just imagine this... He was kicked, punched, spat on, and then scourged. It's important to know what scourging is. He took 40 lashes with a whip. The Romans used to embed shards of glass and nails in the leather. Every lash would have torn skin from bone. That alone would kill most people. We can be sure that his wounds were not treated. And then he had to carry his own cross up a hill where he was nailed to a cross. When he said he was thirsty they gave him vinegar to drink. He hung on that cross until he died.

I'm sorry if I'm preaching to you guys. I don't want to force my beliefs down anyone's throat. It's just that I remember that even Jesus was so nervous before the worst happened that he asked that this cup be removed from him. I guess he realized the answer was no. And then he said, "Your will, not mine." He allowed all of that to happen to him for our sake.

We all have crosses to bear. Unfortunately a lot of it is self imposed. That's the guilt we lay on ourselves. Our crosses are heavy enough already. This life is hard on its own. And sometimes we are fortunate enough that others will help carry our cross. I hope that we will let them, and I hope that we will do the same for others.

Comment by Theresa on May 27, 2018 at 7:21am

I have to add I miss my mom terribly, every single night I get in bed and in the darkness I cry and tell her if you are near me and can hear me I love you mom.  

I say to her one day you will let me know what happened.

Every night I say good night mom I love you, just like she used to say to me every night, she would say "love you sweetheart" talk to you tomorrow.

:(

Comment by Avi on May 27, 2018 at 6:49am

Well said theressa. I have got the first motivation to get out of grief.

My mother always wanted to have our own car which I never bought but now my first aim is to fulfil this wish.

Comment by Theresa on May 27, 2018 at 5:55am

Avi I am very sorry for your loss, this is a great group.

Brett somehow you always seem to shed light on a dismal situation.  Thank you.

Virginia- no God does not allow bad things to happen to people, when we are brought into this world our life has already been laid out like a book, good, bad and ugly, he knows it will happen, but we have to accept and learn to deal with whatever comes our way.

Well I believe people that end their life will be questioned by God, I'm sure it has crossed everyones mind at some point or another in their lifetime.  

I try to keep in mind anything that happened yesterday, one month ago one year ago, we cannot change, my yoga instructor travels the world and he says live in the moment right now, it took me years to be able to do that.

I know like all of us you miss your mom and you have the what if's, I know I do, what if I did this or what if I did that, did I do everything that should have been done I don't know, but I know one thing for certain, one day all of my questions will be answered.  I also know my mom is happy, and at peace, do I believe you will be in heaven with you loved ones NO, you will see them when you are passing on, that' what I think.  

Comment by Avi on May 27, 2018 at 5:36am

Virginia, it will be better if you dont find out the things you should have done better in hospital. It will make your grief stronger.

I tried but stopped in between because it was causing lot of pain.

Comment by Virginia G on May 27, 2018 at 3:34am

Brett, Bluebell,

  thanks for the love and for caring.  I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life.  I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again.  Then again, wouldn’t a loving God forgive that?  I always wonder how God can allow horrible things to happen to good people.  

  Right now I am trying desperately to find out what happened in the hospital and if I could have done something.  I don’t know how I can live with myself thinking I could have. 

  As far as me as a person, all I think about now are all the things I’ve done wrong in my life.  It’s disturbing how many I came up with.  I wish I was more like my Mom.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 26, 2018 at 10:43am

Virginia, I thought about it but it was never a real possibility for me. As I said earlier, there is nothing in this world that would hurt my mom more than ending my own life. I will never do it.

I try to be careful. I'm such a religious person. I do not want to try to force my beliefs on other people. And sometimes telling a grieving person that they will be in heaven with their mom one day is not much of a comfort right now. We don't want to wait for "One day" to stop being so distraught. You asked me if people go to Hell if they kill themselves. I have no idea. I also don't want to find out. I want to meet God on his terms, not mine.

I will pray for you. You think that you don't deserve prayers. We all deserve prayers. I also believe that God is never so close to us as when we are suffering. Life is precious, and you are precious.

The feelings you had... welcome to the club. I saw my mom suffer, but so often I was more concerned about me, how mom's death would harm me. That cause me a tremendous amount of guilt then. Here's the thing... Our mom's carried us in their wombs. They nurtured us when we were babies. They taught us what love was. Even as babies, just looking into their eyes taught us how to feel and express love. It is the most natural instinct in the world to want to be with our moms.

It's even harder for you and me because we never left our moms. We never ventured too far from their sides. We didn't take the natural course and leave the nest. Imagine if a baby bird never left the nest, and its mom continued to take care of it. One day the mother bird would die. The baby bird would never have learned to fly. You don't know how to fly. I'm fluttering around in the air, but I haven't fallen. I'll get stronger. You will get stronger if you allow yourself to do so. That starts with understanding that you have value. Your mom saw the value in you. Please try to see what she saw. It was more than being her daughter. Ask yourself what your mom saw in you. What would your mother have said to other people if they asked her why she loved you so much? Answer that question truthfully and believe it. Don't concentrate on the negative things. Concentrate on the good things your mom saw in you.

Please don't harm yourself. You are in a very dark place. Talk to your doctor, talk to your therapist, call 911 if you have to. Trust me when I tell you that there is help available.

Virginia, I have never met you, but I love you. You're my sister and we are going through this together.

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"ANA BECOAH BY ovadia chamama. Miracle prayer even for those who do not believe in anything. It will act as a password and will open the universe who will answer your petition. Please bluebird just try the same way a tried and it worked. Remember you…"
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"Bluebird please go to you tube in listen to a song called Ana Becoh by Ovadiada Chamama. This song will act as a password to the universe. You do not need to believe in any religion but It worked for me and I am an agnostic. I lost my husband 21…"
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Three days ago, my mom died.  She was alone when she died -- or, at least, she had no family member present. I'd been to the hospice the morning before, and she'd told me, "I'm going to die soon."  A…

Three days ago, my mom died.  She was alone when she died -- or, at least, she had no family member present. I'd been to the hospice the morning before, and she'd told me, "I'm going to die soon."  All I could do was cry, and tell her I was going to miss her.  She told me to stop. I decided to take my leave from work as soon as I could, told her I was going into work to do that.  And I did.  But she did not wait for me.  She died the next morning, and I did not make it there in time.My mother…See More
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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