I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 723
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I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

I miss my Mom too.

Started by Anthony Jul 25.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

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Comment by Virginia G on May 23, 2018 at 1:23am


it has been three long months.  It feels like years.  Can I ask how old you are?  I’m 47, only child, not married, no kids.  I always lived with my parents as I wanted to be close to my Mom.

How are your symptoms from discontinuation?

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 22, 2018 at 10:33pm

I was thinking about this today. If I could have my mom back for just one month I would dote on her till the cows came home. The truth is my mom wouldn't have liked that. She didn't like to be doted on. At the end she was very appreciative for my help because there were so many things that she could not do for herself. The last month of her life was spent in bed. I felt very badly for her. For someone who was so independent to rely on someone else for even a drink of water. She would ask me for a cookie. It was just like when I was little and I would ask her. It was hard for my mom to let someone take care of her. For someone who loved her children so unconditionally, she wasn't crazy about being hugged on all the time. I think in the end she let me hold her hand just because she didn't have the energy to pull hers away.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we sort of think back and manufacture a better scenario for our mom's death. But I try to remember that, at the time, I tried to respond the way I thought my mom would want. Hindsight is 20/20. There are things that I wish I had said, but that's more for me than for my mom. My mom knew how much I loved her. All of our mom's knew.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 22, 2018 at 11:00am

Thank you for your post Brett. It not only will help Virginia, it is helping me too.


Comment by Brett Bowman on May 22, 2018 at 10:51am

Virginia, our stories are very similar. I was my mom's caretaker as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD after she died. When we have PTSD we can turn just about everything into a worst case scenario. It is so easy to look back and question decisions that we made. I wish that I would have appreciated my mom more, not just on Mother's Day, but every day. Deep down I know the truth is that I always appreciated her. Guilt is a part of grief, and for some reason we are bound and determined to punish ourselves, like we don't feel bad enough already. Your therapist is right. You feel the way you do now because you loved your mom so incredibly much. If we had felt any indifference for our moms we would probably feel somewhat indifferent now. You cannot manufacture love. You either love someone or you don't. You obviously love your mom with all of your heart. And I am sure that your mom is very aware of that. Even now. Maybe now more than ever.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 22, 2018 at 8:57am

Hi Virginia and welcome. May I ask when your dear Mom passed away?


Comment by Virginia G on May 22, 2018 at 2:48am

And speaking of therapists, I have ptsd, and sometimes I feel like I don’t fully realize what happened.  I sort of get numb at times and feel guilty about it.  I asked my therapist if it means I don’t care about my Mom.  She has known me for a long time and said, “I think you love your Mom more than anyone ever has”.  I was thinking that’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.

Comment by Virginia G on May 22, 2018 at 2:33am

Hi, just joined the group.  Wanted to comment on Brett’s point about people getting tired of hearing about grief or not understanding it.  I feel like I want to talk about my Mom constantly, whether it’s good times or bad.  It’s all I think about.  I have been obsessed with our experience in the hospital and why I didn’t question the doctors more and everything I did wrong.  In fact, tomorrow I am talking to the ICU doctor to try to get some answers.  I was by her side for four years of sickness, that she so bravely fought, and feel like at the end, I ruined everything.

And I tried not to know when Mother’s Day was, but that didn’t work.  One of my favorite days before.  No one should have to be without their Mom on Mother’s Day.  I should’ve treated her like everyday was her day.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 18, 2018 at 8:42am

On a positive note Theresa, you are being proactive by working extra hours in hopes that it will help you get through this very hard time in your life.

My prayers are with all of you daily. It does not always take the form of getting down on my knees and formally talking to God, but I like to think God hears me anyway.


Comment by Theresa on May 18, 2018 at 5:57am

Gosh Bluebell, I'm sorry about that, you never know how a med is going to affect you.

I think about everyone on here always, I have been trying to busy myself with work taking extra hours to occupy my mind.

It doesn't work.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 18, 2018 at 2:48am

Thank you for answering Brett.

Yes. It is horrible. Not only are my emotions all over the place and it is hard to focus, I am also dizzy, nauseated, shake, feel fatigued, easily get cold and I cry. I tried the antidepressant and then it shot my anxiety through the roof. Consequently, instead of tapering slowly like is recommended, I had to cut the dose in half. I cannot drive. I cannot work. It is hard to think clearly. I am missing a get together with my sister and friends tomorrow to celebrate my birthday and to honor our Mothers for Mother'd day. A friend whom I invited to go with me is mad at me because I had to cancel  and I could not tell her the real reason why. As much as I love her, she is the type of person that would never understand. Thank goodness my sister does understand and believes me when I told her why I had to cancel and how bad I felt. I do have a dear good friend that is helping take care of my cats at my second residence because I can not get there in my car safely. A med similar to Klonipin is helping me with the shakes when they get particularly bad, but it puts me to sleep. When I wake up, I feel disoriented and just shuffle around the house for a bit, feeling lost. Yes, it is hard to go through this along with everything else. But I am assured by the doctor that it will get better after 1-2 weeks. I hope so. 

Crystal, thank you for your prayers. I am glad you got to see your Mom in your dreams, but sorry part of it was reliving her final breaths. I still think and visualize my Mom's last few breaths while I am awake. But they do not come as frequently and I am learning to push them away.

Thank God I have my little dog who accepts me and shows his love for me no matter what state of mind I am in or how bad I feel physically.

Thank God for good friends who are willing to help me while I get through this.

Thank God for this group who care about each other and support one another the best that they can while they are going through missing their Moms

For those who are on or considering an antidepressant or are currently on one, what I am going through does not happen to everyone, or if it does, the intensity varies from person to person.



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