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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 716
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I am lost without her! (MOM) 7 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by Brett Bowman May 7.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 5 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Betty Ellsworth Mar 30.

I TERRIBLY MISS MOMMY! 2 Replies

Started by Edger. Last reply by Jennifer Nuss Feb 23.

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Comment by BLUEBELL on May 14, 2018 at 3:02pm

I have a therapist that listens, calls me back, lets me decide when I want to see him, lets me cry, laugh, sit in silence, talk about the state of the world, encourages me, lets me bring my dog with me, has a pager # for emergencies etc. He was there for me when I was taking care of my Mom. He was there for me when my Mom passed away etc. I can not say enough good things about him. I have seen him on and off for a while and trust him. Today I am scared I am going to loose him to complications from a procedure he is having in couple of days. I need a therapist to help me deal with the fear I will loose my therapist!

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 14, 2018 at 1:53pm

I can escape reality in doses. Like when I am at church, or sometimes before I fall asleep I'll get all bundled up in bed and remember happier times, but as Bluebell said, reality has a way of slapping you in the face. At some point the church service ends, or the alarm goes off. We all have to face the realities of our lives.

Sherri, I am so glad that you reached out for help. I just finished counseling. My psychiatrist told me, "There is nothing wrong with you. You just miss your mother." But I just don't know how to fix that. I'll always miss her, but there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere.

And I want to comment on something (again) that Theresa has mentioned many times. It is so hard to find a true listening ear, and I am so tired of bad advice, or cliched advice. When my minister first suggested counseling to me, he and my therapist put a game plan together that I very quickly, and angrily shot down. There idea was that I have an accountability partner. That would be my therapist. That confrontational stuff did not help me at all. I told her that what I didn't need was another person to fuss at me. I already had enough people to tell me, "Your mom wouldn't want you to feel this way." That's true, but I could no more control what I felt than I could have controlled what my mom would have felt if I had died instead. I know that my mom would want me to be happy. It's getting from point A to point Z that I can't figure out.

I truly envy anyone who has a spouse who is also their best friend, or anyone who has a child that they can focus their love on and take care of. Lord knows I love my little dog but she doesn't give very good advice.

Friends who have happy contented lives just cannot understand what I am going through. We may have friends that will listen, but it is hard to find friends who will actually hear.

It's a long, hard road.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 14, 2018 at 1:14pm

Sherri

Please tell me how to escape reality. I hate that the harshness of it keeps slapping me in the face.

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on May 14, 2018 at 11:44am

Hello Everyone

It's been a while since I posted I have been reading its just been a tough go a bit. I hope everyone did okay yesterday it's tough on us all know matter the time. Yes Brett I do feel like I'm treading water most day just trying to get through it. My mom birthday was 2 weeks ago and then mine then Mother's day I just had to get through and smile some way and know she would want it that way. the hardest part was my step dad has moved on and moved in with someone and put the house up for sale without telling anyone all in these two weeks so  someday I try to escape reality because I still have a hard time without her. I have taken advice from those in the group and reached out for help because I don't see my self getting a handle on things only worse some days so thank you. You guys are always in my thoughts and prayers thanks for listening.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 14, 2018 at 11:33am

Brett

In my opinion, you do not miss your Mom too much. Grief has a timeline of its own. I also want to say that our parents did their best to prepare us to be independent adults, but they did not teach us how to prepare for their death. That we have to figure out on our own and it is not easy.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 14, 2018 at 10:48am

I believe that one of the reasons why people don't post as much is because we feel like we are not getting better. We are treading water.

Theresa, you are right. Yesterday gave me even more reason to think about my mom but it's not like I don't think about her as much as other days. The way I feel is constant.

I feel guilty about the way I pray, too. There's a lot more, "Where are you? Why won't you help?" in my prayers. My belief in God is the one thing that I most rely on. I visit a shrine of the Blessed Mother as much as I can. I say things like, "Please don't just be a statue for me. Please help." This causes me tremendous guilt.

I realize that it's no one's fault. I just miss my mom too much.

Comment by Theresa on May 14, 2018 at 5:13am

Hi Brett, yes made it through the day, but I struggled, especially when I went to the cemetery, knowing she is not there just a stone.

I have changed so much, I just feel so much hate, and anger, a few of my friends texted me yesterday and said I know this is a difficult day for you, I answered one friend everyday is difficult I have just learned to live with it. 

Well I think about everyone often and I am glad you posted.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 13, 2018 at 11:59pm

I hope that everyone made it through the day okay. It's been a while since anyone has posted. I feel very much like Bluebell. We are all here to lift each other up. Maybe those aren't the right words. We are all going through something horrible together, and it is good to know that we are not alone. What's frustrating though is that we can post about how bad we feel until the cows come home, but that does not make us miss our moms any less. Sometimes I just wish that I could raise a white flag and say, "I've had enough." I could raise that flag but on one would acknowledge it. I would still have to go on living. It's almost impossible to drop out of life. Life comes for you regardless. We all have to go on. It would sure be nice to find some peace along the way.

One thing that has been most hurtful for me is that the longer I am removed from my mom's death the more people become tired of hearing about it. Even if I don't talk about it, they can still see it. That makes me want to withdraw from people, even my closest friends.

I feel like the one thing that would make me feel better is  the one thing that I cannot have. To be with my mom again.

Comment by Douglas on May 7, 2018 at 4:49am

Beautiful picture Maria!

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 4, 2018 at 6:42am

It has been a year Feb 14th since losing my Mom. I too am struggling , and it has been exacerbated by the recent sudden loss of my dear sister's husband. I have little energy and just kind of make through the day the best I can.

I am sorry for your loss Taylah and fully understand what you are going through. You are not alone.

Bluebell

 

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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time.  Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference?  Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have. I had no idea there were only a few…"
4 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
5 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
5 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
5 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
5 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
5 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
6 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
7 hours ago
Avi joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
7 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.   I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
yesterday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common.  I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad.  Same here.  My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
yesterday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died.  All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0 Virginia, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, mom's are very intuitive. I tired to hide it. It didn't work. Mom could see right through me. She would tell me that everything was going to be okay. I think my mom was more worried about leaving me than she was about dying. That…"
yesterday
Profile IconDenise Annunciata, Amy Cote, Avi and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,   You are right, how can we go from our Moms being our whole lives to nothing?  It’s not possible.  It doesn’t even make sense.  I see other families and I envy them and it makes me sad.  I want my family…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,   Your posts always make me cry, you write so well and it always hits me in the heart.  So you also felt the constant despair inside, but you were able to control and hide it, unlike me.  Therein lies my guilt.  I was…"
yesterday

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