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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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I am lost without her! (MOM) 7 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by Brett Bowman May 7.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 5 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Betty Ellsworth Mar 30.

I TERRIBLY MISS MOMMY! 2 Replies

Started by Edger. Last reply by Jennifer Nuss Feb 23.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on April 25, 2018 at 12:20am

Marie, I am glad to see you post again. Mother's Day is my mom's birthday. Last years Mother's Day was really hard. I don't think it will be as bad this year. Seconds, minutes, and hours pass, and then it's another day. I cry and I think it's good to cry. It's a release. But I also know that all of my crying cannot bring my mom back. I also have noticed that I do not remember my mom more on a special day. I remember her all of the time. I don't know how to tell anyone how to make it through a day like that. A grief counselor would tell you to do something to honor your mom on that day. I'll be honest, I've tried that, and it didn't really make me feel better, but it is helpful for a lot of people. My first Thanksgiving without my mom my grief counselor told me to set a place at the table for my mom. That just about killed me. That was a bad idea (for me anyway). If you should do something to honor your mom, let it be your idea.

Most of all, remember that you are not alone. I'll be here in NC thinking about you, and I'll be missing my mom, too. Let's make it through that day together.     

Comment by Marie D on April 24, 2018 at 11:25pm

Hi Brett, I am here, still struggling with deep depression. I need your and others advice, how do you handle Mother’s Day? This will be the first one since Mom passed on Christmas Day. I am overcome with grief, and dread just thinking about it.

Bluebell, I am so heartbroken to hear of your sister’s husband passing. 

Crystal K, honey, your story of your Mom crying and squeezing your hand when you were telling her your last goodbyes, that just made me sob. My heart goes out to you and I am sending you a very big hug, from Marie D.

I pray for everyone and send thoughts of comfort.

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 24, 2018 at 10:32am

My sister kept some of my mom's voicemail to her. There is no way that I could listen to it. She also took some video footage of her while she was on Hospice. Seeing those would be very painful.

Like you, looking through a photo album is so hard. I see my mom and the other dog that I lost last year, and it kills me to think that both have made their way from my daily life to a photo album that I keep in the drawer.

There is a cruel reality to all of it. I believe that my mom is in heaven, but for me those photo albums are as close as I can get if I want to see her.

Comment by Crystal K on April 24, 2018 at 5:31am

This is just so hard and I know we are all going through it... I just wish they told me it was going to hurt this much- I would've spent every minute with my mom and learned everything about her :( 

Comment by Crystal K on April 24, 2018 at 5:29am

Thank you Brett. I do try to honor her but it is so painful.  I attended church service yesterday. I think I did pretty well.  No unexpected outbursts. But then I came home and found an old album of photos, saw a picture of me and my mom when I was a toddler.  And bam, it got me.... I cried for about an hour afterwards...  I listened to a voicemail of hers tonight.  Felt like I hadn't heard her voice in awhile- when I heard it I thought "oh right, thats what it sounds like!" :(   Just so heartbroken right now.. Some days I do find myself looking into the future planning stuff but then it just comes crashing down on the bad days then I go back to thinking what is the point, she isn't here.... Sometimes I feel even guilty for talking to my nieces (whom are in another country) because it makes me think back to how much she loved her granddaughters and how much she is going to miss as they grow up :( :( 

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 19, 2018 at 11:00pm

Crystal, there is no timeline. I understand all that you are saying. After moving out of my mom's house, I had to go back. My realtor called me back there frequently. I had little choice. It was hard. I did cry, but it was not the difference between getting over this or not. Maybe it did help with closure but it all still hurts. There is no easy way. We are going to feel what we are going to feel.

Just on a personal level, I wish that you would attend your church again. Communion is very important to me because communion is short for the communion of saints. I light a candle and I never feel as close to my mom as when I am in church. And the fact that it's your mom's church may only increase that feeling. It may bring you comfort to be there. It's at least worth a try.

As far as driving down familiar roads, you may as well. Face it head on. The sad reality is that avoiding certain places will not bring our moms back. Now, I'll sure admit that there are places that I do not want to go, like my mom's doctors office, or to a hospital room that my mom was in. There is no reason for me to go to those places though, but I would hate to avoid any part of my daily routine because it would make me think of my mom. The truth is that I am going to think about her anyway. There is simply no way to avoid that, and people who try are likely just fooling themselves. The pain would come back sooner or later. I think... continue to live your life. Take baby steps. That's what I'm trying to do. I'll let you know if it works.

I have not been to my moms grave. It's three hours away from where I live. It would be hard for me to see that. Just the idea of my moms body being there, if not her spirit, is hard for me to think about. Mom is buried in my hometown. Maybe if I still lived there I would have come to terms with it, I don't know, but I would like to think that I would have continued to go to our families church, and that I would visit my mom's grave. I just believe that my chances of healing would be better than if I ran away from those things. 

I also think Theresa is right. I want to find any way I can  to honor my mom. I don't know what she sees, but knowing my mom, she would want me to continue to live my life as I did before she died. And she would want me to be happy, too. I have a lot of work to do on the second part. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on April 19, 2018 at 5:28pm

It is so hard. My sister whose husband passed away April 9th 2018 does not want to see me right now because I remind her of Mom's passing a year ago Feb 14th. She does not do it to be mean or hurtful. She is just too full of grief for her husband and so very tired. We do what we have to do to get through this. 

Bluebell 

Comment by Theresa on April 19, 2018 at 5:16pm

Sorry for the typos

Comment by Theresa on April 19, 2018 at 5:15pm

Crystal. You have to do those things in memory of your mom should would want  you to do it I truly believe that I’m not saying that I don’t cry every day because I do I get in bed at night I cry when I’m sitting home alone I cry I tell her I miss her we will always miss our moms I remember when my mother and I would go to the cemetery where her mother was buried it was 45 years later and my mother still cried and she would say mom I live you     now I know how she felt. It hurts maybe I do cry more than I should I cry when I need to  even if it is every day. Everyone tells me I need to make peace with the way my mother passed away so suddenly and I wasn’t there I was not there to hold her hand to tell her I love her I will live with that the rest my life.  I go over my head every day when will it stop I don’t know

Comment by Crystal K on April 19, 2018 at 4:44pm

In 3 months, it will be a year since my mom passed away. It feels like it was yesterday. I know I asked this before but when does it get easier to do activities that you and your mother did together? I cant bring myself to do anything that reminds me of the loss of her presence. Am I gonna go on like this forever. Feel like everything is tainted now. I haven’t stepped foot in her old home that her widowed husband now lives in, I cant go to church because I always went with her, or any cultural functions as well.  What do I do, everything reminds me of her. I even avoid driving down places that we used to go to together. 

 

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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, Bluebell,   thanks for the love and for caring.  I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life.  I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again.  Then again, wouldn’t a…"
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agree with you Virginia. Sometimes we actually dont know what we are doing."
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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.   I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
yesterday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
Friday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common.  I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad.  Same here.  My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
Friday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died.  All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0 Virginia, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
Thursday

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