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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 718
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

I am lost without her! (MOM) 7 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by Brett Bowman May 7.

I TERRIBLY MISS MOMMY! 2 Replies

Started by Edger. Last reply by Jennifer Nuss Feb 23.

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Comment by Jennifer Nuss on February 28, 2018 at 7:02am

Brett- almot as if u are telling my story.  my thoughts and prayers are with everyone today.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2018 at 5:34pm

We donated Mom's personal things like clothing, blankets, shoes and all the American flags she kept from 4th of July to the Vets with in 1 month of her death. It was a hard day, but had to be done. But it is all the other things, like the cat statues she collected, what she used in the kitchen, all her stuffed animal collection, the pictures she put on the wall, her 3 cats( 2 of which live in her backyard and are are partially feral), the furniture she picked out and her plants outside etc are all part of what made her, her. I know they are just things, but they had meaning to her.

Comment by Theresa on February 27, 2018 at 5:49am

Bluebell, yes it is hard, I do not know how I found the strength to clean out the house, the shed and everything else so quickly, I was in a fog, I don't even remember it.  I might have done everything too quickly, but I had a brother that lived far away and put me in charge of it all.

In my opinion for myself the second year was harder than the first, I don't know why.

I remember when my dad passed away, my mom gathered all his clothes and called Viet Nam Vets and they were donated.

In way I guess I am glad its finished, but can I just say the hardest thing that brought me to tears was when I went back to the car dealer with her little VW Passat she leased 6 months ago, remembering when we picked out the car her saying to the sales man "what if I die during this lease", it was surreal and I cried, I must have had that look on my face for people to say it will be alright, for who I said?

Time keeps going  and I do cry quite often, everytime I think of her, there is no time on the grieving, but others think so.

I certainly miss her she was my everything, my world, my friend, my mom.

I pray she knows I love her and miss her......and I ask God for strength everyday.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2018 at 2:10am

Thank you Brett and Theresa. The anxiety I experienced on the days before during and after the 1 year anniversary of Mom's death has been hard to deal with. It is less today which I am grateful for. Both my sister and I are overwhelmed when we try to make plans to sell her house. So we just hang on to it, thinking that somehow it will get easier and we will know when it is the right time. But maybe we are fooling ourselves. There will never be a right time and it will always be a hard thing to do. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 14, 2018 at 10:52am

Mine as well.

Comment by Theresa on February 14, 2018 at 5:59am

Bluebell, you are in my thoughts today...

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 7, 2018 at 9:28pm

Sadly, there is no one in the family that I can talk to. At first it was that I was living in my mom's house. I left there to create some kind of harmony. That didn't work. They are happy alright. They have money coming. But there is somethings else. My mom and I were extremely close, and that just increased ten fold when I became her caretaker. 

If there is a bright side in this (there's not), sometimes I wonder if it's me. If I am the one who is wrong, but my extended family are backing me completely. Mom's sisters spoke with her every day until she died. It means the world to me that they are supporting me in this. That someone understands how much I loved my mom, and what it meant for me to be her caretaker. 

The sad reality is that my mom is gone and not coming back. If ever I wished that I could hug her it would be now. I'll go through this alone.

I will never forget, a couple of days after my mom died, one of my brothers called me. He said, "What do we get?" He then asked me what the biggest tv in the house was. And then he asked me which tv was the newest. He said, "I'm going to come up there and get one of them." My mom was reduced to a flat screen tv. Now she is reduced to the market value of a home. I don't understand. I will never understand. 

One day the Lord will come for us, I believe that, but until then there is a lot of cruelty and sadness that is attached to being here. I'm broken.

I still have one of mom's little dogs. Her life has changed son much. She use to have me, mom, and her sister. Now she spends too much time in her kennel while I am at work. She's older an incontinent. I just keep looking at her and saying, "I'm so sorry." I know what her life was like, and I know what mine was like. I just miss my mom.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 7, 2018 at 12:46pm

I am so sorry you are going through this with your family. Is there at least one of them that is not bitter and is more enlightened than the others that you could talk to? I think it would have to be agreed to in advance that during the conversation, neither of you would be allowed to become defensive or argumentative.  Just a thought.....

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on February 7, 2018 at 12:40pm

Brett I am sorry to hear all this has happened just know that you did took care of her and she knew that sometimes its the little things that matter more. It's hard when family don't see eye to eye I have one brother who stopped speaking to me and my mom many years ago. I tried to get him to see her but he didn't want to talk I told him I'd leave so he could see her but never came. I told her nothing because it broke my heart for her that he didn't care enough any more. When I did tell him the news I told him he's my brother I will always love you but I will never forget how he hurt her more so I get it. I just want you to know your mom loved you and sometimes family isn't all they seem to be. Big Hugs my friend.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 7, 2018 at 10:31am

Douglas, I think you touched on something that really hit close to home. My mom was a daily part of my life. I can just close my eyes and see her and hear her. It's like I just saw her. It's like I could yell, "Mom", and she would say, "What?" That's what is so frustrating for me. It's like she's there but I know that she isn't. I want her to be there. It's hard for me to reconcile that she is not.

I realize that many others will not understand, but it kills me that my brothers and sister do not. I recently moved out of my mother's house to preserve family peace. There is no peace. I got an e-nail from my sister a few days ago. She told me that she hated our mother. She said that she was a horrible mother. I was more shocked than angry. Now I'm angry. She said that mother never loved her. My mom loved her more than anything. One of the last things my mom did before she died was to transfer a lot of money into my sister's account. There was no reason. She did it just because. About a week before my sister died, my sister came to visit. She fell down our stairs while bringing up some luggage. She went to the emergency room. She wasn't hurt badly. She just needed some stitches. It was late. I could not get my mom to go to sleep until she knew my sister was okay. Mom stayed up until three in the morning waiting for her to get home. She called my sister on her cell phone every few minutes. My mother was dying. She didn't care. She was just worried about he daughter. And my sister hates her now because I am supposedly her favorite. My mom loved us all.

Now that we are selling the house, they are having group e-mails and telephone calls. I am not included in any of it. I don't even get a response when I write to ask them a question. They can come together over selling a house, but they could not come together for my mom when she needed them the most. Now they are all fast friends. These were three people who didn't even speak to each other. Now they are together because of a common enemy. Me.

My mom loved all of us with all of her heart. They have banded together against my mom and me. For all their talk of despising my mom, they don't mind taking her money.

They do not understand that mom and I became so close because I was her caretaker. They will never understand.

 

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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Congratulations Avi!!!! Enjoy!!! Brett, I am anxious even before I get out of the bed and that starts everything my IBS, anxiety, headache, I will be honest I have taken Lexapro 5mg for a while after my mom passed, I stopped, I felt like a bloated…"
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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett do you not work regular hours since you’re up late always?   Today when I got up I said I was afraid to be awake.  This is how messed up my mind is."
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, your mom knows exactly how much you love her. She knows now more than ever."
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I think we would all want a do-over even if we had done everything right. I did cry in front of my mom on many occasions. I can't say that I regret that. I think all of that was an affirmation of love, though I am sure that it caused…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My car is red too. It is such a happy color."
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Awesome car Avi Bluebell"
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Guys this is my first car, bought specifically as a wish of my deceased mother. She loved red. "
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
7 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, that is the biggest setback. We do not get a second chance. Yesterday my father told me something that is causing lot of pain, regret but I am still holding up my emotions. He told me about few gestures of me and my wife which used to hurt…"
7 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,  I cried in the oncologists office many times and in the radiologist office so I guess I’m really bad.  I am not strong like her. I should’ve thought of how she felt instead of my own fear.  I did this the whole…"
7 hours ago
Virginia G replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Britt, I think I am more jealous when I see other people, in particular families, because I don’t have mine now.  My world is upside down and I dont belong in it now.  I don’t feel as though I deserve to be happy because I have…"
8 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"That's just not what I pictured at all. No blue hair. No cat glasses. You probably don't even have a leopard print jumpsuit."
10 hours ago
Britt Steele replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Hey, I read your post.  I think I've gone through some of what you've felt.  Why do you feel as if you shouldn't live a happy life?  Have you removed yourself from some aspects of the reality of life to dull yourself of…"
10 hours ago
Britt Steele replied to Virginia G's discussion Daylight
"Virginia, I thought of some things, but I wanted to ask you some stuff, without making any presumptions.  Do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy like what you are seeing of the people you are seeing during the day?  Do you…"
10 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Great photo Bluebell!"
18 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
21 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I did not fall. I do not have high blood pressure. It was just a fluke with no apparent cause at this time. I am thinking of you all and wishing you the best. It makes me dizzy to read very much, so I have to keep it simple. I love you all. I am…"
21 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I had numbness when my mother took her last breath in ICU. I did not know what to do and doctor told me that she is not in good condition and just let her go. I requested them to try their best but did not ask too many questions. This was…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry my computer is a little behind everyones posts are not showing up unless I click on them  sorry"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Praying for you Bluebell."
yesterday

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