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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Grief or self pity

Started by Leeann Ranney Oct 28.

Its hard accepting my mother's death 8 Replies

Started by Crystal K. Last reply by Crystal K Oct 23.

A very special tribute to a mothers love 5 Replies

Started by Pol. Last reply by Luisa Salter Sep 19.

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Comment by Lisa Green on November 15, 2017 at 8:44am

As the holidays approach, I think we all cringe a little knowing we have to go through them without our moms. Last year, was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas for me without Mom. My sister and I found a way to keep Mom's traditions and spirit with us by making some of the dishes she always made on holidays. Mom also really liked the blueberry candles that Bob Evans used to sell in their gift shops during the holidays so I bought one last year and I only burn it on holidays in memory of my mom. The smell warms my heart. It will never be easy to live without my mom but I'm so thankful to have had her unconditional love and her effort to always make holidays and birthdays as special as she could for me and my siblings. Because of what she taught me, I am able to do the same for my family and pass down the feeling of special days to my own kids. To me, its a small way to keep my mom alive in this world. 

Comment by Janie m Snitko on November 14, 2017 at 9:43pm

Hi everyone it has been awhile since I posted. The holidays are coming and my Mom loved them! We always had dinners at her home until she was unable. The tradition was passed on to me but this year my husband and I are going away. My children and grandchildren both understand. I will eventually do the tradition again. I need peace and rest during this season . I have been in a funk on and off but right now I am doing well. I miss my Mom so much but I know she watches over me. I hope everybody's holidays go well. Happy holidays .      Janie

Comment by Theresa on November 14, 2017 at 7:32pm
Bluebell I think that is a wonderful idea :)
Comment by Crystal K on November 14, 2017 at 2:48pm

Hi guys, haven't posted in awhile, although I have been reading on how you all are doing.   Its now four months since my mom died. Its crazy to think that she isn't here anymore.   I understand how you feel Luisa and Sherry about not being able to go through her stuff.   I have all her things that we kept hidden away in my closet. I have her doctor's checklist still posted on my wall and I can't seem to throw it away. This little piece of paper that holds so much meaning to me. I've been able to smile more the past couple of weeks without feeling guilty.  Don't know if I'm moving forward or I'm just locking the pain away in the back of my mind  On the nights I dream of her I wake up sobbing knowing it was just a dream. The enormous guilt I felt in the first few weeks are slowly subduing but still catch myself cursing the universe for not allowing her to be here to enjoy the simplest pleasures. 

It's definitely hard, especially with the holidays coming up. Not looking forward to thanksgiving cause we always had thanksgiving at her house.  That's another thing too. Hate visiting her home cause of all the memories it brings up.  I hope everyone is okay this holiday season.  I'm here for you all if you guys need to talk. I'm sure I will.

Comment by BLUEBELL on November 14, 2017 at 8:58am

I think my sister and I have decided to have Christmas as usual at my Mom's house. We will put up the Christmas tree she liked and put all the cat ornaments she has collected over the years. At dinner, I would like to set a place for her at the table in her honor. I might even give her a gift. By doing these things, to me it is saying  she will always be in our lives even if she is no longer physically present.

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on November 14, 2017 at 8:29am

Thanks everyone I am going to take your advise and try to talk to him I know its hard but he is a good man and he loved my mom so much and made her so happy which was very nice as I know my parents divorce was a very awful battle my mom fought and it killed me to see her so hurt. I just wanted to say I know the holidays are tough as I see Thanksgiving is coming up for you I am Canadian so I had mine already and it was hard to see my brother and me both sit at the table and our minds just wonder as she not there but I know we both just pushed through it together this made it a bit okay we changed things up a bit to help with that so we can make thing a bit easier but just know I am thinking of you guys hugs

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 14, 2017 at 1:13am

Luisa, I guess that we don't know if he has worked through his grief. Some people try to move on too quickly. If there is one thing I have learned about grief is that it will not be ignored. You are going to deal with it sooner or later. There were people in my grief class who were several years removed from their mother's death. Unresolved issues came back. They had never truly dealt with their grief and it came back to haunt them in a big way.

There are also people who seem to grieve very quickly. I am just not wired that way. Sometimes I wish that I were, though I feel like I would be betraying my mom if I got over her death too soon. At this point there is no fear of that happening. At this point my mom would tell me to move on if she could.

The oddity about all of this is that I am still confused how he would not know her wishes? If I were him I would want for her wishes to be finalized, but at the same time I may be reluctant to bring it up because her ashes may be something that he believes to be sacred to Sherri and I would not want to cause a problem, particularly if I felt that Sherri needed them and wanted them more than me.

I imagine there are families who have fought tooth and nail over their mom's remains. That can't be good either.

Sherri, all I know for sure is the only way that you will be able to find closure in this matter is to discuss it with him. That's got to be difficult though. As I said earlier, I would hate for him to take the ashes because he wants to appease you. This is all new to me. My mom is buried in our family plot. Cremation is different for me because no one in my family has done it. It would make me very sad to have my mom remains in my house.

I do feel very sorry for your step dad on one count. After my mom died my sister became angry because she said that she could no longer feel mom's presence in our house. Only mine. I sure did not mean for that to happen. 

Comment by Luisa Salter on November 14, 2017 at 12:24am

Brett I really appreciated what you said about our Mom's loving us above any of their things. It is comforting to remember that they do live on through us, through our bodies, minds and spirits. The great love that we shared lives on. I remember my Mom saying to me a couple of months before she died, that she will always be with me. It makes me cry to think about because she's not with me in the way I want her to be, which is right here and alive, but she is with me as much as she can be, probably more than I know. Her angel could be right here in this room beside me. 

We just have to remember that our pain is a testament to the grief love in our hearts, and one day when we think of our Mom's, our love will feel stronger than the pain. 

Hugs, Luisa

Comment by Luisa Salter on November 14, 2017 at 12:16am

Sherri, I know how you feel going back to the place where she lived and I understand thank feeling of not wanting to trigger memories by looking at your Mom's things. It is indescribably heart wrenching. I had to empty my Mom's place out within a month after she passed because she was living in an expensive retirement apartment and I knew that Mom would not want us to waste money on an empty apartment. Several times during that month I made plans to go into Mom's apt. with friends or my Mom's sister and go through certain things or pack certain things, but once I got in there I was soon paralyzed with sadness and memories. I could work at something for maybe 15 minutes and then I would either lay on Mom's bedroom floor or sit in her chair and cry my eyes out. Anyway, in the end I hired movers to pack most of it and moved into a storage unit that I have not visited since. Anyway, every single step of this process of learning to live with our Mom's absence just hurts terribly. 

Sherri I also wanted to say that I agree with Bluebell and Brett, from what it sounds like your Mom entrusted you with her wishes for where her remains should be kept, and so it would be best to try to carry that out. But I also wanted to ask, are you sure that your step Dad doesn't know what her wishes were? I have to imagine that he loves her and would want to fulfill them. Does the new girlfriend live there already? If he doesn't want to honor your Mom's wishes I personally would find that very selfish of him and wonder about his loyalty to her. But that's just me. I have heard this before that some men remarry quickly after they are widowed and I have to say I don't understand it but I guess its not uncommon. That being said, its got to be uncomfortable if not painful for you to see him move on so quickly. It may be that he cleared away her things and found a new girlfriend because he wants avoid the grief. A new relationship would be a nice distraction from it and may numb the feelings some. I don't know him but I can't imagined that he's worked through his whole grieving process already and is emotionally free and ready for someone new. 

It must be incredibly strange and sad to go to your Mom's house and have it not be her house anymore. I'm very sorry that you are having to endure that.

Sorry if I sound overly critical.

I agree with Brett also that if he does not want to keep her ashes in the home that they shared, she is just as well to be with her daughter whom will always love her.

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 13, 2017 at 10:03pm

I dread the holiday season very much. There was just too much that happened between Thanksgiving and the Christmas eve that my mom died. Too much sadness and too much fear, but that paled in comparison to the next Christmas when I did not have my mom at all. My mom always made the holidays special with the decorations, her cooking, and the smell of mulling spices. A year later there was none of those things, just a memory. It's hard to live on a memory. I remember when I would so look forward to seeing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on television, and how I cherished my Christmas memories. Now they break my heart.

I'm tired of being sad, but being tired of being sad does not make it go away. I really miss my mom.

 

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Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thinking of my American friends on this site celebrating Thanksgiving. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
" Thank you for the big hugs and prayers Luisa. Stay safe on your journey. Thank you Theresa for reminding me that God is always with us. I will be praying for all of us as we get through this one day. Bluebell"
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Luisa Salter commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell big hugs and prayers sent your way! Big Hugs and prayers to all. I have been really irritable and emotional all week. Dealing with a lot of stress at work right now and somewhat dreading Thanksgiving. So we’re here, and Teresa’s…"
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BLUEBELL left a comment for Brett Bowman
"The holidays are coming up and the anniversary of your sweet Mother's death. How are you? Bluebell"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So today is Thanksgiving, we will all get through this day and tomorrow will be back to normal, the next hurdle is Christmas. Its a tough month for me it will be 18 years on 12/14 for my dad and 2 years on 12/19 for my mom and my grandmom on…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell you are not alone God is right beside you always."
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Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Let us all get through the next day and next few weeks... Been replaying videos of my mom all day.. miss her so much. First xmas without her, cant even bear to think about it."
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Sam Hayward commented on Jarvis's blog post After Death Communication
"I had a visual experience after my husband died. I was in bed at the time and could not get to sleep so I just lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Suddenly the room filled with a brilliant white light tinged around the edges with mauve. In…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Again, thank you both for your kind words. I am feeling better already. I do not need much and I am grateful to you both for helping. Bluebell"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"And I of you. It is good not to feel so alone. Bluebell"
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Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thinking of you Bluebell."
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Bailey Smith and BLUEBELL are now friends
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Sherri. My best to you always Bluebell"
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Sherri commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell your in my thoughts I'm sending you a great big hug"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am really hurting right now. A kind word to me would be very much appreciated. It does not have to be much. I just need to know I am not alone. Bluebell"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bailey, I cannot speak for Sherri but my Mom passed away 9 months ago and I go through the same thing Bluebell"
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