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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Grief or self pity

Started by Leeann Ranney Oct 28.

Its hard accepting my mother's death 8 Replies

Started by Crystal K. Last reply by Crystal K Oct 23.

A very special tribute to a mothers love 5 Replies

Started by Pol. Last reply by Luisa Salter Sep 19.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on October 20, 2017 at 6:59pm

Luisa, My mom's funeral was delayed because of her death date (Christmas Eve). We had to wait until everyone was back in town from their holiday visiting. I think, I try not to think too much about that time, that it was almost two weeks before we had her funeral. I dreaded it. I helped my sister give the eulogy. But I have to say that it was a wonderful day. Well, at least as wonderful as the burial of one's mom can be.

I saw many friends of the family that I had not seen in years. Mostly, just seeing so many people gather to celebrate my mom's life meant so much to me. Also, and I hope that this does not come across as selfish, I needed emotional support. I received it that day. There will never again be a time when so many people gather to honor my mom, and to express love to her children.

I cannot say that the day brought closure. It brought closure in the sense that the funeral plans had been realized, and that so many people had the opportunity to pay their last respects to my mom, but I still missed my mom terribly. What was hard for me was to come back home that day knowing that my mom would not be there. There was honestly a part of me that wanted to come home that day, sit down with mom and tell her all about the service. She would have wanted to know who was there, what songs were played. I could imagine talking to her about it, but imagining was all that I could do.

You are taking another step in the grief process. I have no idea when the grief or sense of loss will dissipate. It is different for everyone. You will never lose it completely but it does get better.

The loss of my little dog (Boo Bear) was a microcosm of my mom's death. I wore Boo's collar on my arm for a few days. I couldn't even look at her things. I still miss her. I will always miss her, but for the most part I can think about her and smile now. Losing our mom's is a similar event but on a whole different level. There has to come a time when you can accepts the loss. It hasn't happened for me yet, but I will always have hope that little by little that day will come.

Until then I will take solace in knowing how much my mom loved me. And I will take solace in knowing that my mom knew how much I loved her. Lastly, I will take solace in knowing that I will see her again, and when I do, it will be for keeps. No more goodbyes.

God Bless You, Luisa. 

Comment by Luisa Salter on October 20, 2017 at 6:31pm

Hi everyone, just checking in. I'm sad to hear all the trouble with beloved pets recently. I'm so sorry. I know that some times when it rains it pours. Having a tough day today myself. I have to remind myself that God will give me what I need each day to get through it. I try not to dwell in the future or in the past although it isn't easy. When I'm alone, especially if I'm looking at photos of my Mom or going through her things, sometimes I get so sad thinking about her and about having to do life without her, I feel like my grief will just consume me. I've been in and out of that head space a lot this week in preparation for her celebration of life tomorrow. I almost feel like I can't face it. I don't expect to be able to keep it together at all and I'm the one whose supposed to speak or lead the service or whatever. Ugh. I thought that my Mom's friends were doing it and at the last minute they said no, they wanted me to do it. At the time I went a long with it but now I'm wondering what in the h--- I was thinking when I agreed. I have nothing prepared and trying to prepare anything makes me cry. My Mom was a very private person with only a few friends and our family is very small. And I'm the only responsible member of my family...so I'm having to organize everything for tomorrow...BUT at the end of the day it is worth it for my Mom because she deserves a beautiful celebration of life. 

One or two people said that I will get a sense of relief or closure after Mom's celebration. It's hard to imagine that. Has anyone else experienced this?

I was just thinking about what you wrote below Bluebell about staying at your Mom's house. I think that I would stay at my Mom's too if I could. I still can't believe I don't have a Mom's house to go to anymore. I felt a bit comforted going in to my Mom's apartment before we had to empty it, smelling the familiar scent of plants and spices and seeing Mom's things the way she had arranged them. And even after she passed, I could still say "I'm going over to my Mom's place". Moving everything out was so unbelievably hard. 

Thanks for listening, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 18, 2017 at 2:01pm

Thank goodness my baby dog is doing well. To be honest, I still stay at my Mom's house even though I own a condo close by. I kept my dog there because my Mom's cat Charlie tried to attack him one time. I recently introduced my pup and Mom's cat to each other a little at a time. Now my boy is here full time. I can not express how much better I feel having him with me. He is such a positive little guy. I just love him to pieces and love taking care of him. I know my Mom would want me to feel better. I just hopes she understands how much I need him right now even though it is disrupting her cat's life.

Bluebell

Comment by Lisa Green on October 18, 2017 at 12:43pm

Theresa,

I'm glad your medicine helped you some. Talk to your doctor if it's not helping a lot. They may be able to adjust the dosage or even the type. There are several available and everyone's body is not the same. I look at it like this, I am dealing with enough right now that anything that helps make the days a little easier and less stressful, I'm willing to try. You are right that our Moms would want us to live as happily as we possible can so we have to fight our way back to a new happy place.  

Comment by Theresa on October 18, 2017 at 10:51am
Lisa Everything you said is right I also had to go on something for anxiety of course I wouldn’t take the proper dose because I was afraid it helped a bit but I’m still having anxiety and yes I’m learning to live as hard as it is it’s funny how most of my friends just forgot to even ask me how are you doing today but it’s OK I’ll get through it.
God bless you and everyone here may we all find peace and live just like our dear moms would have wanted us to
Comment by Lisa Green on October 18, 2017 at 10:00am

Thank you Brett. I took Abby to see Dad last Saturday and it was such a nice reunion. He was not as excited as I thought he would be but that's ok. Abby sat right beside dad the whole time and dad rubbed her head and talked to her some. He noticed the knocks on her side and asked about those so I told him they were tumors but the vet didn't think they were anything to worry about unless they started to grow so that buys me a little time. 

Theresa, I don't think we will ever "get over" losing our Mom. I know that I will not but I have learned to function in my life with her not here. It's harder at times than others. I still do talk to her and feel like I get small signs that she's still with me in some small way. This morning driving to work, there was a car in front of me with a sticker on the back window that said, Sashwatch and it had a picture of a sashwatch. I laughed out loud for like 3 minutes. Mom used to call us Sash sometimes when she was joking about something. I have never seen a sticker like that. I took a picture and send it to my brother. He laughed too and no explanation was needed. He knew. That's how I keep my Mom's memory alive. It's the little things. I miss her all the time and I always will. But the circle of life doesn't stop for us. I grieved so hard the first year that I had to go on depression medicine and I'm still on it. Its been my lifesaver. i know that I could not function well without it yet and that's ok too. I'm not at all ashamed of being on it. It has helped be to put things in their proper place and not cry multiple times a day. I do still get sad and cry sometimes over missing my Mom but that is normal. 

To all those who have recently lost their mom, The grief is over whelming but it does lesson with time. I never believed that the first year when people told me but now I know it is true. Sadly, we do learn how to carry on without our best friend (mom) and biggest supporter. The thing I miss the most is Mom's UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT! 

Comment by Theresa on October 18, 2017 at 5:47am

Brett, I hope you are handling everything as well as can be, that is my fear losing my dog, he is my strength

But hopefully time will heal.

It is coming up on two years for both of us, I'm still heartbroken, people just dont' understand it.

Maybe I should just accept it and stop being sad, I don't know.

I am going about my daily life, but she is on my mind always, is this how it will be, I'm still so anxious, I just want it to stop.

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 16, 2017 at 10:38am

I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the same with Boo Bear. That little dog was under my feet for years. And then in a split second she was gone.

Take Abby to see him. Don't tell him about the tumors until you absolutely have to. It's horrible. I had to tell my mom that she was dying. I had to explain to her what it meant to go on Hospice care. I had to wrap up little Boo Bears stiff body in a towel and take her to the vet for disposal. I had to hand her over to someone else. I had to watch the funeral home take away my mom's body on Christmas Eve.

I wish all of you well. That's all I can do is to pray for each of you. And I wish that the world could understand what it means when a person loses someone, or a pet, that they love so much. There is no time frame for mourning. I don't know when or if it ends. I know for sure that it will end on our final day.

I hope and pray that each of us will know love, peace, strength, and happiness until that day comes. I pray that each of you has someone to love you. Being truly loved is the greatest blessing on earth. We all had that with our moms. That is so hard to lose. And next to my mom, I have never experienced love like I have from my little dogs.

Comment by Lisa Green on October 16, 2017 at 10:11am

Brett, 

Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age. 

My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me feel closer to her I guess. 

Emotions have been high for me these past few weeks because after mom died last year, within a few months, my dad showed some huge signs of dementia/Alzheimer disease. He has a lot of heart issues and diabetes. His dementia has now been diagnosed and for the past 3-4 weeks he was hospitalized and is now in a skilled nursing facility for rehab. I don't think he will be able to come home and I don't know how to tell him that. I feel so guilty for him being there but I know that he's safe and getting the medical attention he needs that I can't provide for him but it feels like I'm losing him now after just losing my mom last year. Saturday I took his dog (boxer) to the vet to have shots so I could take her to see my dad and the nursing home and the vet discovered some tumors on her that have a high chance of being cancer. So, I will probably lose "Abby dog" soon too. 

Life is definitely NOT fair. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 15, 2017 at 12:09am

Luisa, the best advice I can give you is to be the best caretaker that you can be. Remember, your daughter loves you the same way that you loved your mom at that age. God has given you a tremendous blessing to love on and take care of. There is your happiness. There is your reason to get up each morning. That truly is the circle of life.

Being without little Boo Bear is devastating. That little dog, no matter what life threw at her... she was blind, had diabetes, but she was always happy as long as she was with her daddy. As long as I would give her a scratch and a cuddle she was good to go. I miss that little wet nose and holding her little face next to mine. I just miss her. I just love her and I can't believe that she is gone. It's only been a couple of days since I could pet her and call her my little Boo Bear. It doesn't seem real and it sure doesn't seem fair.

 

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Bailey Smith commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
" Thank you for the big hugs and prayers Luisa. Stay safe on your journey. Thank you Theresa for reminding me that God is always with us. I will be praying for all of us as we get through this one day. Bluebell"
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