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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Song to my mom 2 Replies

Started by Panda. Last reply by Panda Jul 27.

A very special tribute to a mothers love 3 Replies

Started by Paul Kealy. Last reply by Panda Jul 26.

Really missing my mom

Started by Panda Jul 26.

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Comment by Janie m Snitko on August 12, 2017 at 3:52pm

Good evening everyone! I took a break and went to the beautiful Colorado mountain s for five days to see my childhood friend. The trip was wonderful and I saw the most beautiful shooting star with a fireball I was sure that was a sign from my mama that she was okay and happy! I so needed to get away ! I have so much more to do concerning my mama selling the house and getting everything done financially. I am stronger now and I hope I will stay that way . I know my Mama would not want me to do anything but be strong. I have never loved anyone like I loved my sweet Mama! Stay strong everyone and think what your Mama would like you to do and be for her!! Have a great weekend.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 9, 2017 at 8:16pm

Theresa, that makes me worry about the third year. I don't see how it could be worse though. I think that I may have started out having more endurance. Now I am so tired. Tired but so anxious. But more than anything, no matter how the psychiatry works, I just really miss my mom. It's not just missing. "Missing" is not strong enough of a word. It's the separation that is killing me.

I want to say this again. It means a lot to me to be able to talk about how much I grieve my mom's passing. I can get caught up in myself, but I know that I am not the only person who is grieving here. Everyone who is on this site is here because they have lost someone so dear to them, maybe even the greatest love of their life. I am with you. I pray for you and I know that you are also hurting badly. I pray for each of you by name. What's left of my heart is with you all. May God Bless You.

Comment by Theresa on August 9, 2017 at 6:17pm

Brett someone told me the second year is harder than the first, I found it to be true because the first year I walked around in a fog, the second year reality hit.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 8, 2017 at 10:13am

I do not know how to not focus on it. A year and a half later and I am much worse than I was. That is scary.

Comment by Theresa on August 8, 2017 at 8:58am

Bluebell it is overwhelming, I try to not focus so much on it, because we have to continue on unfortunately.

 

Comment by BLUEBELL on August 8, 2017 at 8:51am

I agree. The anxiety is hard to deal with. I have to remind myself that it has a beginning and an end because when I am in it, it is overwhelming.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 7, 2017 at 8:09pm

Theresa, maybe it I not possible, but what is very real is how much they loved us. It's only natural to want a sign or a connection from someone that you love so much? We just can't turn love off like a water faucet. I'm not sure that I would if I could. I may turn it off when I need some sleep or when the anxiousness is more than I can stand. It seems that I can tolerate depression better than I can anxiety. It actually makes me feel a little better to cry. I have not found a way to cope with the anxiety of my loss.

We lost our moms just days apart from each other.

Comment by Theresa on August 7, 2017 at 6:13pm

Brett you are right its not because she is busy its because it is not possible.

I lost my dad 17 years ago on December 14th/my mom will be 2 years on December 19/my grandmother many years on December 24th.  

December is tough, but I do remember my mom still managed to put up lights in memory of my dad and her mom, I did the same the past year and will do it again for her.

Brett mornings are horrible for me also I wake up extremely anxious, its awful.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 7, 2017 at 10:39am

Bluebell, I felt every word that you typed. I don't know of any  good way to get through Christmas without our moms. My grief support class convinced me to set a place for her at the table on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I did. That about killed me. That was very bad advice for me. I did not put up any decorations. It would have killed me to look at those. I gave them all away after my mom died.

I remember one Christmas. I could not go back home because of my job. I worked for American Airlines and we don't shut down for the holidays. I was never able to go home for Christmas. One year my mom decided to not go home for Christmas. She wanted to stay with me so that I would have someone on Christmas eve and Christmas day. She took some heat for that. Our relatives wanted her to come home, especially my sister. Mom told them that she wanted me to have a good Christmas too. That Christmas eve I was still missing home. My mom said, "Brett, do you know how many people who would just be thrilled to get to be with their moms for Christmas?" Boy, do I ever know now.

The Christmas eve before my mom died, she could not go back home. She was too sick. After dinner she and I exchanged presents. Eventually I made my way to the den to watch TV. Mom just continued to sit in her chair at the dining room table. I realized that she was too weak to move. I asked her to let me help her. She told me that she was fine. I knew better. I asked her if I could call 911. That made her angry. She was tired of being probed and prodded at a cold impersonal hospital. I wanted to sit there wit her but she did not want me hovering over her. Eventually she gathered the strength to get up and go to bed.

I was certain that would be my last Christmas eve with my mom. I was wrong. There was one more. She died that day at 4:16 pm.

Mornings are the worst for me as well. I always wake up with a tremendous feeling of anxiety. I don't know what on earth I am dreaming about but it cannot be good. Last night, before bed, when I said my prayers, I told the Lord that I knew what was in store for me in a few hours. I asked him to please make that stop.

Joy is right. Our mothers would not want us to feel the way we do now. It would hurt them very much. My mom told me before she died that I she wanted me to have a happy life and let her go. I told her that those were fine words, and then I asked her if she could do that if I was the one to die first. She didn't answer.

Joy, I am like you. Each day I wash, rinse, and repeat. I always pray for better days. I want for you and Bluebell to be happy again. I want that for me, too. I just don't know how we get there, but I will tell you this. I would rather have known the love of my mom and feel the way I do now than to not have known her at all. What we are feeling is grief but it is also very much wrapped up in love. Our mom's love us dearly.

Comment by Joy on August 7, 2017 at 9:47am

Bluebell, you have to do what's best for you. If you don't feel like celebrating Christmas, I for one will not judge you. You've experienced a life shattering event. I don't feel like celebrating it myself. Although I know the true meaning of Christmas and my not putting up a tree/decorations or visiting with friends will not make Christmas that less meaningful.

I hope you can get to the point where you can enjoy life again. It will be very different because your mom is no longer there, but I believe our moms would not want us to wallow in pain forever. We have to have the courage to go on (even though right now we'd rather leave).

I agree it is drudgery just trying to live and like you mornings are the worst for me. Every morning, I feel this deep ache in my heart because I know mom is not in her room and I'm in the house alone and the worst anxiety comes over me. Then I'll have a good cry and the pain dissipates somewhat and then I go to work. It repeats itself every day, but I hope that some day I will wake up and the pain will have subsided. 

 

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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Christine and Janie. Thank you both for your comments Bluebell"
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Christine Ford commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Theresa. It is hard for me to accept I am still grieving her loss so much. But I am still going to try and inch forward little by little and have more "okay" times. I think my Mom would want that. I can not stay in this…"
10 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, grieving is a normal part of life and death, you are only 6 months into it, please don't expect too much, I am now almost two years and I still am trying to accept the fact of what happened and how fast it occurred.  Some days I…"
11 hours ago
Joy commented on Karen Wilson's blog post Lost my Son -only child in March of this year
"Karen, I just want to offer my sincere sympathy in losing your son. While I'm grieving my mom's death, and our situations are completely different, I do know what grief is and can relate on that point. I'm glad you are getting the…"
11 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am grateful I had a mother that loved me I am grateful I have a roof over my head and food to eat I am grateful for my family"
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am blessed to have my sister. But I also realize that she is going through a bad time too and it would not be fair to her to burden her with all the negativity that is going through my mind. With that being said, I am going to try and be more…"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I will pray for you as well. I understand. Theresa, that is one of the most beautiful things about Catholicism. Sitting in adoration of the sacrament is an incredible blessing. Bluebell, you wrote something that was very telling. You have…"
18 hours ago
LoveGoli replied to Maxey's discussion Moved, but nothing changes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You are lucky that you spent 55 years, but I had only 3years and the pain is getting worse day by day. Moving from one place to another does not help because you can not remove that person from your heart.  Same feeling I am having which you…"
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