Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by katrina on March 21, 2011 at 11:15pm

I understand how you feel. I feel a large void in my life, that my mom filled for me.  I was closer to her than anyone else. Everyone else seems to be moving on with their life without her, but I am having trouble doing this.  I think about her often, and still wish she was here. Losses always bring pain. Expressing that pain is not wrong or sinful; rather a healthy expression of how God created you. i am so sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for you.

 

 

Permalink Reply by Nancy Eve on March 21, 2011 at 11:23pm

Katrina, Thank you very much.  I appreciate the prayers.  I wish you the best too.  I wish there was something we could do about the pain.  There just isn't anything to do but feel it.  Thanks for writing to me.

 

Nancy

Permalink Reply by Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. on March 22, 2011 at 6:32am

Hi Nancy,

 

I think we always have a choice what to commemorate--our loss or what the person so unselfishly gave to us. Sometimes the contrast is stark. When we did the unveiling at my father's headstone, my mother was inconsolable, When we went back to the house for food and drink (an old Jewish custom, I'm sure you're familiar with) friends and family could be divided between those who mourned the loss of my father, and those who took the opportunity to celebrate his life. I stood firmly with the latter. I think we could learn much from the traditional Irish wake where the person who died is there in the room as mourners laud the wonderful, crazy, or passionate things he or she did.

 

I don't think there is any time frame for grief- when it begins and when it ends. But all along the way, those who grieve have a choice (a difficult one, I know) we can either hold on to what we lost and remain stuck in a past that will never be resurrected, or celebrate what it was about the person we miss--and then begin our search for people or activities that can replicate the emotion. Hope this helps

 

Take Care,

Stan

Permalink Reply by Trisha H on March 27, 2011 at 7:17am

  First and foremost, Nancy, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom last May and the anniversary is quickly approaching and it just brings up all those feelings again. Those dealt with and those that haven't been. Sadness and grieving for me comes in waves. Sometimes it will hit me for a minute..I cry or tear up ever so slightly and then carry on. Other times it comes at you like a brick wall and it's hard to move forward. Then there are times I feel my Mom uplifting me and telling me to go out and conquer the world. It's never the same and it's never predictable when it will occur.

 

  I see that you said you have started seeing a counselor, do you feel this has been beneficial to you and in what ways?  I know some is better than none, but I feel like people around me expect that to be the magic snap your fingers solution to fixing everything. My mom will still be gone. I'd just like to cope better at times. Family and friends have NOT been supportive when it comes to wanting to talk about it. So you do the best you can. Just know that we are here to always listen and understand and offer unconditional support when needed. Take care of  you.

 

  oh and btw...i agree...go to that Star Trek convention!  Mom will be right there with you smiling down seeing how happy it makes you. The date on the calender is not as important as celebrating them in our hearts. She gets that :) 

Permalink Reply by Robin Williams on April 7, 2011 at 6:22pm

I totally understand your feeling like your mom is going to walk in the door any minute.  While I am at work I often feel that my mom is going to be on the other end of the line but sadly she never is.  I lost my mom 8 months ago and it is not getting much easier.  My mom was also my best friend and understood me like no other.  It's hard losing your mom and your best friend.  Hopefully we will all be able to "ramble" on and help each other through this process.