Don't grieve alone.
My Mom died July 22nd, and it's been really hard for mel. I literally isolated myself in the house we shared since that time. I work from home, so i haven't had to leave the house very often at all. I see a therapist every other week and go grocery shopping occasionally. Somethimes I see family. I do it as infrequently as possible. Other than that I have been staying home. I find it very comforting to be in the place where we shared our time together. We sat next to each other in our recliners. I still see her in her recliner next to mine, and I talk to her just like I would if she were still there. I keep plictures of her near me on the wall next to me. I miss her so much. I still can't believe she is gone. I don't think I have even begun the grief processs, because I still think that one day she will walk in the door and all will be the same as it always was. I really don't want to be with anyone but her. She is my best friend. I'm closer to her than I've ever been to anyone else. She was the only person who ever loved me unconditionally.
Last week I had to make arrangements for the plaque for her unveiling (we are Jewish). It was very hard. I have to plan the ceremony and preside at it. I think it will be harder than the funeral, because I was still in shock during the funeral which helped me get through it.
I o to a Star Trek convention every year. Last year it was on her birthday in August -- just a month and a half after she died. It was hard, but friends at the convention helped me get through it.
This year the convention is during her yartzheit (the first anniversary of her death). It's tradition to got to Temple to commenorate and say certain prayers. My aunt said I should go any way and celebrate her yartzheit the week before. She said mom would understand, and it is important for me to got to the convention which I go to every year. The first year I went, I took Mom and she loved it and had an awesome time. It was almost a year before she died.
I know I'm rambling and saying a lot of things, but there are a lot of things on mu miind. Thanks for listening.
I understand how you feel. I feel a large void in my life, that my mom filled for me. I was closer to her than anyone else. Everyone else seems to be moving on with their life without her, but I am having trouble doing this. I think about her often, and still wish she was here. Losses always bring pain. Expressing that pain is not wrong or sinful; rather a healthy expression of how God created you. i am so sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for you.
Katrina, Thank you very much. I appreciate the prayers. I wish you the best too. I wish there was something we could do about the pain. There just isn't anything to do but feel it. Thanks for writing to me.
I think we always have a choice what to commemorate--our loss or what the person so unselfishly gave to us. Sometimes the contrast is stark. When we did the unveiling at my father's headstone, my mother was inconsolable, When we went back to the house for food and drink (an old Jewish custom, I'm sure you're familiar with) friends and family could be divided between those who mourned the loss of my father, and those who took the opportunity to celebrate his life. I stood firmly with the latter. I think we could learn much from the traditional Irish wake where the person who died is there in the room as mourners laud the wonderful, crazy, or passionate things he or she did.
I don't think there is any time frame for grief- when it begins and when it ends. But all along the way, those who grieve have a choice (a difficult one, I know) we can either hold on to what we lost and remain stuck in a past that will never be resurrected, or celebrate what it was about the person we miss--and then begin our search for people or activities that can replicate the emotion. Hope this helps
First and foremost, Nancy, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom last May and the anniversary is quickly approaching and it just brings up all those feelings again. Those dealt with and those that haven't been. Sadness and grieving for me comes in waves. Sometimes it will hit me for a minute..I cry or tear up ever so slightly and then carry on. Other times it comes at you like a brick wall and it's hard to move forward. Then there are times I feel my Mom uplifting me and telling me to go out and conquer the world. It's never the same and it's never predictable when it will occur.
I see that you said you have started seeing a counselor, do you feel this has been beneficial to you and in what ways? I know some is better than none, but I feel like people around me expect that to be the magic snap your fingers solution to fixing everything. My mom will still be gone. I'd just like to cope better at times. Family and friends have NOT been supportive when it comes to wanting to talk about it. So you do the best you can. Just know that we are here to always listen and understand and offer unconditional support when needed. Take care of you.
oh and btw...i agree...go to that Star Trek convention! Mom will be right there with you smiling down seeing how happy it makes you. The date on the calender is not as important as celebrating them in our hearts. She gets that :)