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Comment by Becky Redmon on December 27, 2009 at 6:47pm

Karalyn, I am so very sorry for your dad's passing. My family and I went thru a roller coaster ride the middle of the year. It was a true nightmare. We were in shock, then in denial, then the tears flow. I will never forgive myself. I cannot and will not accept it, but there is nothing we can do except move on. We place my father next to 'Granny' on his birthday Halloween Day. We now try to remember the funny things he used to say, or we'd say 'Papie would have said this.... or do this.....' Then we'd laugh. We are still filled with sadness, but we keep it to ourselves now. One thing you can do, is get a journal, but your dad's name on it, then write one page of a summary or what you feel. Then when you want to, write to him, not like a diary, but write to him the things you would have said to him normally. It really does help.

Comment by Karalyn on December 27, 2009 at 6:22pm

Update to my last comment: My father died at 6 am on Christmas morning.

Comment by Karalyn on December 22, 2009 at 1:16am

I have not lost my dad yet, but it's coming soon. He hasn't been allowed to swallow for months - all feeding is done intravenously, and he's been battling pneumonia since his first hospital stay. He says he doesn't fear death, but he fears leaving me and my mom behind.

I can't deal with this. He wants me to promise that I'll keep going and that I'll live a full and happy life when he's gone, but I don't want that. I want to follow him.

Comment by Toni Davis on December 18, 2009 at 8:58pm

My dad died on November 27th seventeen years ago. My Nana died on Xmas eve the two years before, and my partner died suddenly September 25th of this year. My son came home with a Xmas tree two days ago and it is still standing undecorated. I just read and read becuase it blocks out the sick panicky feeling I get when I think about Xmas and "a happy new year" I keep trying to do what is recommended, get out in the garde, accomplish something every day, remember all the ones that are still here...but I don't care. My heart feels terminal, when it's not feeling numb. I have to live but not sure if I want to. It is litterally unbearable. Maybe if we just do little things then it will be more manageable. Daisy? I will put up my lights if you put up yours or maybe we should all try and do something that we don't wand to do, together, and check in at a certain time. And Daisy, you do talk, you are talking here right now, so that says something.

Comment by Daisy Quinones on December 18, 2009 at 4:47pm

I thought I was doing better but I'm not. Christmas and New Years are coming and all I want to do is go to sleep until they are over.
The tree is still in a box, the lights are halfway put on the railing and not even conected. Can't do it. My sisters said they dont want to do anything either so I guess I will stay home and watch TV both days.
I've crying all day long, and I think my husband is losing patience with me. Cant blame him, I hardly even talk

Comment by susan Paull on December 18, 2009 at 12:30pm

The one person in my life that I could say anything to is gone; it makes me realize it is time to let more people in, to let more love in my life. Perhaps it's time to let the people in my life take more responsibility for our relationships as well. My father wrote me a poem once when I was in my twenties. He and I were getting to know each other after a lifetime of watching each other from a bit of an emotional distance. A line in the poem said something about how when he was so busy making a living for his family he looked at me and I always looked like I could take care of myself. It was an apology and we went on to develop a very close relationship during the last 30 years. I spend my days with a hollow ache and a restless spirit.

Comment by Becky Redmon on December 17, 2009 at 6:53pm

For me, the world is not the same. It seems like eons ago that my dad was with us. Our world has fallen apart literally. Sister doesn't have a job, my mother's income cut in half, other sister barely makes a living. And my job is on the line. We have no safety nets. It has been said that the ones left behind are the unlucky ones.

Comment by susan Paull on December 15, 2009 at 11:24pm

For me, I am reminded of the season in some way, for example, A sign in the market about ordering your turkey. I stop and think, "Why didn't they take that sign down. The holidays are over... Oh, wait Christmas hasn't happened yet!" The spirit is not in me. It's as though the family rallied to have a Thanksgiving meal with Papa and without him I don't feel like celebrating.

Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on December 8, 2009 at 6:46pm

@katherine ellis yes, this time of year is hard. I always count on my brother or husband to put up the tree because I just don't feel like it. I know I shouldn't feel that way, especially since I have a 12 year old that lives for Christmas. Just another day to me. Shame on me I guess.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on December 8, 2009 at 5:24pm

"That" time of year is upon us. The big holiday. It's so hard to put up the tree, go shopping, bake the cookies and be happy. When what we really want is just to crawl in bed and hide until it's over. I pray for all of us that we find the strenght to get though it and find a moment of peace. God Bless you.

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