How to move on...

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How to move on...

How to move on after the loss of your significant other? Is this possible? When? Navigating through this process while also dealing with your grief. 

Members: 9
Latest Activity: Jun 26

Discussion Forum

No Nesting In My Hair 6 Replies

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair". ~ Old Chinese ProverbI have one more member of the group now so its…Continue

Started by Nora. Last reply by Nora Jun 20, 2018.

25 Habits of Happy People - Something I Should Start Learning Again

It was so natural to do many things before. Now many things look so unnatural. I have to learn how to smile and be happy. It feels like I never knew.....I have started... First six (without #2) I…Continue

Tags: happy

Started by Nora Aug 7, 2017.

Letting Go of the Worry That Weighs Us Down-By Lisa Jeffs

I find this calmingWe worry too much and I am sure some things we worry about even dont deserve our…Continue

Tags: worry

Started by Nora Jul 14, 2017.

Moving on 3 Replies

Moving on, it sounds so final, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on, I know I don't want to, not if moving on means living my life without Shirl, alone. I know I have no choice, this is reality but I…Continue

Started by Jackie cooke. Last reply by Nora Jun 26, 2017.

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Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:16pm
Should have proof read sorry hate seeing other couples together
But here I am again
Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:13pm
Great list Nora! I think it is important to set goals everyday. Hope the job search is going well. Today I actually felt "normal" for a couple of hours. I went to my Granddaughter's dance recital and out for dinner. I hate going out ( reminds me that do not have Andrew with me. I gate seeing couples together. The only places I go are to work and the grocery store. Bug here I am now again at home alone. The reality sets in quickly all the things I need to do to sell this house. It was nice to not think about it for a couple of hours.
Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:53pm

This is my meditation that I use in the evening.

Coping with Grief: Guided Spoken Meditation for healing after a los...

Day number 1 - today I decided to notice more positive things around. Cannot say it worked but at least I started.

Went shopping today. First time since February. Alone. Not a big deal somebody can say. but it was. I kept crying as there was no fun. He was not helping me bringing funny, goofy things to me honestly thinking I would like them. He was not be sitting at the door waiting for me and sending texts - are you done yet? Miss him terribly! My shopping was short - I grabbed one pair of pants and left.

When came home I was so upset that hit my own garage wall - how stupid it was!

OK. I will use this site as a tool to go forward. My plan for tomorrow:

1. Went shopping to buy food to start my diet.

2. Fill my van.

3. Dye my hair as I look like 100 yo which.

4. Cut my 1 inch long nails and do a manicure.

5. Listen to meditation in the evening.

6. Print my resume and make copies of my educational papers.

7. Give hugs to all my pets and say hello to my fish.

8. Prepare checks to be sent on Monday, and pay online bills.

9. Send at least 5 resumes.

10. Report here what I did.

Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:21pm

I have decided to create a Moving On group today but then I found that Steph who is not a member anymore already created this group so I am reincarnating it.

I have the same pain as anybody else here ut I want to slowly work back to some other life that I dont know yet.

This woman felt the same what I feel - I cannot stay in this horrible situation forever. I am 54 and I have at least 20 years of life. It is impossible to imagine living like this for another 20 yrs and then die one day feeling empty and dreaming about some unknown life in heaven. With who? I loved 3 men who passed away. I loved them dearly, from the bottom of my heart, and I never stopped loving them because they died. I also loved another man who is alive but maybe not. I also loved him and left him due to some circumstances. He is older so who knows. Let's say 4 men in heaven. How will it look? Some kind of a Swedish Family? I also know that each of them also loved women so it is not clear and I cannot spend 20 yrs of my life hoping to meet all or one of those men one day.

I will post my thoughts about getting stronger, ending depression in this group. If you have anything that can help please join the group and post here. 

What is my life now? Just like Steph said in her post *** So then I found myself beginning to slowly accept the idea that I would forever be alone. That maybe that was my lot in life. And the depression came back. Crying over the littlest things. Not getting out of bed on the weekends. Ignoring regular household chores. Not talking to anyone. ***

Exactly. This is what I have. At least she was independent, she had her job, her place... I have nothing! 10 yrs more to pay the mortgage, no job, no income. Grieving, crying, sinking, feeling guilt for something I never did... It will not bring to me a better life, it will destroy me and bring me to the point where I will lose myself, my house and my beloved dogs will be killed as I will have to surrender them to an animal shelter. The above situation will not make any of my deceased man happy or proud of me. They will be sad and confused as they always saw me happy, pretty, strong, active and funny. They would think I lied to them hiding my negative, black, depressive nature and just worn a happy mask on. They would think I never loved them but pretended so they stay with me. I want them to look at me and smile, and be happy for me, I want them to see my achievements, not failures. I want them to see my plants came true. 3 men had plans with me so I have things to do....

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 3:12pm

I created this group as I lost my boyfriend suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago. I loved him dearly and though we would be spending the rest of our lives together. I am 37-years old and he was the first and only man I loved. I was excited about starting a family with him. It may seem selfish and maybe that I didn't truly love him in that I still want to find someone to spend my life with and potentially have a family. I have guilt for feeling this way. In reading posts from other groups I feel that I may be alone in wanting to move forward with my life. I struggle with this, but the desire is still there. Sometimes buried deep down. Am I alone in still wanting companionship and the chance for family? Am I wrong for wanting to figure out how to move on and still live? I will never, let me repeat NEVER, forget Billy. Nor will I stop loving him and wishing he was still here with me. But it was him that showed me what true love felt like between two people. I don't know if I'll find the exact same feeling, but is it wrong to try?

 

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Latest Activity

Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
5 hours ago
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
Monday

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