Being the Other Woman/Other Man

Information

Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situation

Members: 31
Latest Activity: Apr 9

Discussion Forum

I want to scream that I loved him and he loved me 2 Replies

His name was Russell. I am Kelly. Russell and Kelly. I can say that here.

Started by Kelly. Last reply by CC Apr 9.

I'm grateful I found this group 8 Replies

I have been struggling completely alone for nearly 2 years. I felt like there HAD to be others in my position out there but I had no way to find out.  I finally found a shrink who told me the term…Continue

Started by Alice Smith. Last reply by Tina Apr 6.

Struggling 4 Replies

I was in a relationship with a man who had a long term girlfriend of 17 years.  This past weekend he committed suicide.  I am struggling and trying to process this as well as keep my family life…Continue

Started by Michelle Michelle. Last reply by Michelle Michelle Oct 24, 2019.

So many questions 1 Reply

Last weekend I found out that the man who was my lover and best friend for 10 years has died. Not only is he dead...he was murdered, nearly 2 months ago and I had been so busy and disconnected from…Continue

Started by Amy R. Last reply by Emmyk Sep 4, 2019.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Being the Other Woman/Other Man to add comments!

Comment by Kelly on April 1, 2021 at 3:23pm
I came on here 2 years ago when my bf was killed. At that time there were few posts and everyone was talking about an ex bf dying. I just couldn’t write anything. Reading your posts, which are a couple months old now, about 10 days and 5 months since their death brings me back to those first days and months. So hard to look at. I thought I should be in a mental hospital. I felt insane. Crawling thru the days and not sleeping at night. I got a therapist I could talk about him with. Some help but not really. It’s music and alcohol that get to me. I stopped drinking for many months. Sometimes I listen to the songs that remind me of him on purpose to bring it on, to feel him, to make it hurt. Sometimes I avoid that playlist. Sometimes I accept invitations to go out for drinks, sometimes I avoid people. I never drink at home anymore. I avoid going out drinking when I know it’s a bad time for me. I’ve learned to take care of myself that way at least. Read “It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok” and watch the documentary “Speaking Grief”.
Comment by Linda Baker on January 20, 2021 at 1:12am
I'm new here and so happy to find this group. I lost my Soulmate 5 weeks ago today. We knew each other for over 40 years and he was my crutch and fixed every problem for me (very codependent).
Was hoping to get a pinch of his ashes for a necklace but his wife is a bitch. We were BFFs in recent times but were engaged at one point when they were separated. His wife just learned about this and thinks we both lied to her as someone told her we were still engaged when he passed away. Not true, engagement ended 4.5 years ago when he went Code Blue and that caused them to decide to work on their marriage.
I'm lost without him, especially when my adult daughter and I argue. He was always my voice of reason and knew everything about me so knew how to calm me down. Now I don't have anyone.
Theres lots to catch up.on but that's a nutshell version for now.
Comment by Addie on August 27, 2020 at 12:26pm
Jo, I’m so sorry. Last year, when I lost my love, I read somewhere that grief is like a ball in a box, and in that box is a pain button. At the beginning of grief, the ball is huge and so the pain button is always getting hit. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller, but when the button gets hit, it still hurts as badly as it did in the beginning. I’m finding this to be very accurate. My pain button was hit constantly in the beginning by every sight or smell or thought that produced a memory. It doesn’t get hit as often now, but when it does, it still hurts like hell. Your pain button is probably hit 100 times a day. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

I also read that grieving people need to be able to tell their stories. That is what is extra hard for those of us in secret relationships. Who do we tell our stories to? I was lucky to have two friends to confide in and I got a counselor, but I wasn’t able to publicly grieve or take off work or cry in front of my family. That is brutal. So I wanted to let any of you know that if you want to tell your stories to me and talk about your loved ones, Im here to listen.
Comment by Jo on August 26, 2020 at 10:08am
I’m new here just lost my boyfriend. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I miss him so much. He has been gone ten days. I can’t eat sleep work. I am devastated. His wife sent me a message from his phone. When I saw his name come up I lost it. I’m not ok. All the memories and plans we had. I miss him
Comment by CC on August 21, 2020 at 9:25am
Thank you Melissa for your kind words and good energy. I don't wish this pain on anyone.
Comment by CC on August 21, 2020 at 9:23am
Thank you for your support..I had to see a lot of pictures up there in his memorial and I was no where in them. Hearing how his family described him and knowing he was looking for me in April this past April makes me furious at him. Hearing all these things that I know were not true from his family makes me angry. You are brave to have gone to the funeral. I am sorry about your pain too.
Comment by Addie on August 20, 2020 at 10:41pm
I spent months of last year crying in secret, so I know well what you’re feeling. I went to his funeral, where a lot of the pictures in the slideshow were taken by me, but no one in his family knew I existed. I finally sought counseling, which has helped some. I can tell you that it does get easier, even though I know it doesn’t feel like it will. But there are still many days that I cry again when I realize he’s not out there anywhere to text or talk to.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Comment by CC on August 20, 2020 at 7:03pm
Thank you Addie...it is. I have to hide from my family I cry in secret when the tears come. We always vowed to be life long friends and I lost that too. I miss just knowing he was a phone call away.
Comment by Addie on August 18, 2020 at 3:43pm
I’m so sorry CC. Grieving is so hard. Grieving in secret and alone is the worst.
Comment by CC on August 17, 2020 at 9:23pm
I am new here. I just lost the man I was seeing on and off for the last 4 years. We have known each other for 8 years were friends first..coworkers. I had to watch his funeral via liveatream he passed from COVID..he was a Healthcare worker and contracted it at work. I saw how his wife and parents can mourn him openly and I have to pretend among our friends I'm just like the other friends when I was much more. I love him and can't say it, and will never be able to say it.
 

Members (31)

 
 
 

Latest Activity

David Drumb commented on Amy Reed's group Losing a spouse and dating again
"I lost my beautiful wife 4 months ago I still grieving. We was married for 31yrs. And the thought of starting over i ask myself how can I do that.without feeling guilty in my mind that would be like cheating. Starting over to me their would be trust…"
2 hours ago
David Drumb joined Amy Reed's group
Thumbnail

Losing a spouse and dating again

I lost my spouse 16 months ago. Have gotten into a new relationship but he lets me grieve openly. I have a2 year old daughter. Also I am 26See More
2 hours ago
Profile IconErika Miller, David Drumb, Bee Swann-Thomas and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
2 hours ago
dream moon JO B commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
"doin a memryy box for mom lk i did for my dad i fond a oldd recit bill off 1981 off a butlinss holiday "
7 hours ago
Profile IconKandace Platts, Ramya Mohan, Julie and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"i no im bac 2 wear i wz in 2012 2012 2012 i wz  num disbelif angr denil juts watin on my slf hlp cds to gt in pots so i dmy fd do mistaks i did wen dad died  it nal proof thy neededin my brosrs goj  nuts evn mics nt typun on me me its…"
Tuesday
dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"thnx i no in 2020 i wz abot to calllass it spookss churchh to lrn on medshipp on how 2 cop on premnistnss so on but cov 19 took it way took i not bean avl 2 hug her sinse 2020 or kiss her sisee 202t way on preserss mpmtss on mom losss tim i can not…"
Apr 11
Diana, Grief Recovery Coach commented on Diana, Grief Recovery Coach's group Grief Counseling
"I'm sorry for your losses Jo.  I agree, our Mom and Dad are our heroes.  We miss them terribly when they are gone. I talk to mine even though they are gone.  Perhaps they hear me.  We never really know for sure but I believe…"
Apr 11

© 2021   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service