I was in a relationship with a man who had a long term girlfriend of 17 years.  This past weekend he committed suicide.  I am struggling and trying to process this as well as keep my family life normal at the same time.  I am married and my husband and I have a 5 year old.

I am destroyed and devastated and I am so worried I wont be able to move forward.  I am seeing a therapist.  I hope there is someone out there who has suggestions or guidance on this.  I am in a very dark place right now.

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Michelle,

I wish I had more comforting things to tell you. What I can say is that therapy is helping me, along with a good antidepressant. Grieving in secret is impossible, and I think makes it last longer because there is no community to share it with. I was in the same dark place for months. Everything triggered memories and pain, and I felt like I'd never be able to function again.

But the pain eventually gets duller, and the moments of sadness get fewer and less intense. Of course, it has been 8 months and there still isn't a day that I don't wish he were still here.

My advice is to find someone you can talk to and grieve in front of. I have one friend who knew about my relationship. I wouldn't have made it without her.

Wishing you the best and sending healing vibes. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Thank you Addie, I am sorry for your loss as well.

I do have a girlfriend that knows about this and I am so lucky that I have her, she has been my rock this past week. 

So sorry for your loss. That is horrific. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. Hopefully that will give you a place where you can openly grieve. Just know that what you are going through is big and traumatic and heavy and you have every right to feel exactly how you are feeling. Don't suppress what you are feeling because of what society would say because society won't heal your broken heart. When you need to cry or scream or sleep do it. Grief is a lot worse when you don't allow yourself to feel it. Others may not validate your feelings but make sure YOU validate your feelings. The situation may not have been 'right' but the feelings were real. And I don't know ANYTHING about your marriage but maybe if it is healthy, try leaning into your marriage. It might give you a little bit of comfort to still have someone there with you. But again I don't know ANYTHING about your marriage so if that won't help at all, totally ignore that. But grieve and process. Your feelings are valid.

Thank you Emmy.  I am working on processing this, it is going to be a long bumpy road.  I know I will get through it.  

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