Hi!  My name is Karen and I am joining this group for online support in grieving for the loss of my husband.

My husband died unexpectedly on September 6, 2014.  I found him in our bed.  He had gone to bed early that evening around 7:30.  I had gone to bed at 10 p.m.  He was snoring really loud and so for the first time in years, I went to sleep down in our home office.  Around 1:30 the morning of September 6, I got up to go to the bathroom and checked on him.  He was still snoring away.  Around 2:15 my son went to bed and could hear him still snoring through the bedroom door.

At just before 4 a.m., I went to get ready for work and walked in our bedroom and it was silent.  I flipped on the light and checked him.  He was not breathing, his tongue was rigid, and his eyes were not moving.  I screamed for our son to call 911.  He did and we performed CPR until the fire rescue and ambulance came.  The call went in at 3:59 a.m. and by 4:20 a.m. they pronounced my husband dead.

My husband was losing his sight, had migraine headaches daily, had problem knees, stomach problems, thyroid disease, depression, among other things.  He was on Morphine and Lortabs for his migraines and other pain, along with an anti-depressant and other meds for various things. 

When the death certificate came through it read Morphine Overdose, with contributing factor of Coronary Artery Disease....Manner being suicide.  :(   We were crushed and devastated. 

We are still picking up the pieces and will be for awhile.  Our 19 year old son is dealing as best he can.  I start grief counseling tomorrow at my work. 

I decided to come find some online support for the times when here is no counselor, etc.   And maybe to be able to support others too.  I have a very good support system here in town but can always use more as this the the first lost off this nature I have dealt with.  I have lost parents, aunts, uncles, grandma, friends.   This was my life partner and I miss him dearly everyday. 

Tags: death, husband

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I am so sorry for your loss! I know those words never could express how much pain and sorrow you are going through. I lost my mother a couple months ago, she was 52. I too am trying to learn how to move on with out the person who gave me life in so many ways. My dad is struggling - he too as you did - loss his life partner, his everything. May you find peace and strength

Thank you very much Crystal!  My husband was 55 years old...to young in my opinion.  I keep telling myself he is no longer in physical or emotional pain.  That is not to say we are not in pain down here, but at leas he is not. 

I try to use that same rationalization. My mom too had a lot of pain and was on a lot of medications. They are in heaven healthy and happy!  Your husbands passing sounds similar to my mothers. And yes 55 is too young and again I am so sorry. We always imagine that we have time to grow old together. We couldn't have predicted it. My dad was in the living room while my mom was in her bedroom when she passed. She took her medicine and headed to bed because she was talking her grandkids to the amusement park the next day ( tearing as I write sorry ) ....she was so beautiful and full of life and I cant help but feel it was stolen from her - her from us. Wish you and your son the best.

Thank you very much and I wish you, your father and the rest of your family the best too.  We can support each other on here.

Karen,

I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to allow all of us to not have to feel the pain we are enduring.  This is a journey none of us has chosen to take and each of us is struggling to find our way.  When I was at a point in time around 2 months after my husband died I could barely function.  I am now into it just about 22 months and though the shock has worn off the determination of what my life is now does not make me feel any better.  I have ended up a long way away from what I had envisioned my life to be.  The changes are so dramatic that it is hard to describe to anyone else why I am still in so much pain.  

I can only suggest you take life now in small steps.  Don't expect too much of yourself.  I wish for you and your son the kind of mental strength it is going to take to sift through all the why's that are now going to interrupt what you thought was your reality.  May you both lean on each other for the support you are now going to need.  Namaste.

Thank you very much Zell!  I don't plan on dwelling on it.  I went to see a grief counselor at the hospital campus where I work today.   I do believe she will be helping me through all this.  I will feel it and express it for sure but it will not rule my life. 

Thank you very much for your message and support.

Thank you so much m morgan for your support and words.  I am taking it in small steps.  There are financial things I needed to take care of right away to keep a roof over our heads.  Otherwise, the rest of the process of grieving and dealing and getting back into life will be piece meal. 

Sorry for your loss Karen. I too am a 49 yr old widow. We were not married, but i classed Eddie as my husband. He passed away suddenly on the 6th of October, just 6 weeks ago. As of yet, i still haven`t been given a reason for his death, so they`re doing further tests. We should get the results just before Christmas, as if that wont be a difficult enough time. Most days, i just sit and cry. I rarely go out the door anymore as coming back to an empty house is a nightmare. I can get through the days alone, somehow  i continue, but the nights kill me. Going to bed alone night after night just reduces me to tears. I miss him being there, and cry myself to sleep every night. I cry for what ive lost, and i cry for what hes lost. Somedays i yell at him for leaving me, i talk to him all day long. I know he`s gone, but i somehow hope he hears me. We`re told about heaven, and how they will be there, but until my Eddie comes tell me that there is, and thats hes there, i`ll struggle to believe otherwise. Most days i dont wanna wake up, but i do, and i get up. But thats about it. I`ll sit on the sofa, doing nothing, until its time to try sleep again. My life as i know it is over, and i know i`ll struggle to make a new one. Eddie was the only man i truly ever loved. I didnt know the true meaning of love until i met him. he was my soulmate.  Now i dont know how to go on without him. This group has been good for me, more than i`ll ever realise. It helps that im not the only one who`s hurting 24 hours a day. Today has been a particularly bad day for me, so probably lots of negativity in there, i apologise if this offends anyone. It helps to talk, and i`m here to listen if you even need to talk. Take care Karen. 

You have my sympathy, I am 48 with the loss of my husband of 26 years, I am praying for you...

Thank you so much.  You know what it is like then for sure.  I believe he is watching over me and our son.

I am still hanging in there.  I started grief support counseling here in town.  I have a great social worker who is being of great help to me.  It it is still hard some days, as I am sure it will be.  Our first Christmas without each my husband will be hard and to top it off, one of my brothers is in the hospital with pancreatitis.  He will be there through Christmas and probably New Years.  We would have celebrated Christmas Eve with him and his wife at their house and now it will be celebrated in the hospital with him.  Another get together when he gets out with food, as he cannot eat anything right now.  One Day At A Time we are making it though.

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