Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
thanks for sharing
Hey Norma, I know exactly how you feel. I use to never worry about making anyone feel uncomfortable about my responses to the dreadful question, "how are you?". I always answered truthfully, I would say I'm destroyed, I am NOT "ok" and will NEVER be "ok". Sometimes I would answer that I feel dead inside, or that I feel fu@!ed up! Some would be shocked by my answers but sometimes I would want to scream and say" how do you think I feel, can you give me my son back?"!! Now, depending on my mood, I usually say that I could be better, I still NEVER say that I am "ok". At this point, those words could not come out of my mouth because I am truly not ok. You are right about it being hard to explain to others who are not experiencing the same thing, I just ask them to imagine losing their child, then see them laying in a casket, then watch your child be burried and not be able to hold them or here their voice again and guess what, they all say , no, they can NOT imagine. People don't understand that even when they don't see my tears on the outside, there are always tears flowing in he inside. Who knows, maybe one day I really will feel that I am OK.
Thanks for listening, again.
When my son first gained his angel wings I would say I was ok just so they would leave me alone. As time passed I decided to quit sugar coating. IF....I saw anyone and they asked me that I would say...."I'm trying to take it minute by minute. If they persisted to ask how I REALLY was I would say...."I'm not good. I'm not even ok. I don't like this new life that I am suppose to start living and I just wished everything could go back to the way it was." There were other times I would just say it as straight up as I felt it to be...."This just fucking SUCKS!".
Sorry if I offended anyone. I am just saying what I feel. People will say....he is in a better place....I do agree. This world sucks. I know my Cameron is watching over me...guiding me...I know this only because I am not this strong mentally to be able to do this on my own. In a perfect world I would go to sleep and never wake up and we would be together again. Selfish to say?....probably. But I feel no need to make this situation what it isn't. Without my little man here with me I am lost. I am sad and I miss him so very very much.