I am trying so hard to deal with the loneliness the fear of being so very alone in the house with no one to speak to. I feel like I'm drowning in the dark and I can't Escape. Last night I had, for lack of a better word I had 2 seizures. I could not move at all. I could feel my brain freezing. no part of me could move any part. I was certain I would die and that's what I hoped for but I didn't.

I thought things were going to get better physically and mentally but I was wrong.

The paperwork to apply for disability came in I am to see their doctor so they can assess whether I qualify for disability.

I was caught sleeping at my job due to the lack of oxygen to my brain and I was lucky enough to have a doctors note and they didnot fire me.

But nothing matters to me anymore. I'm alone and all I want is to have annette back in my life. I just can't take it. it's just not natural. I keep breaking down in Public. I can't even walk. I have to constantly take cabs. I still am in agony.

Even if I get disability so what? It means I'm still alone and waiting for my life to end how ever it's supposed to.Annette and my life were so connected we literally made up one person. Now I'm half a human being waiting to be with my beloved.

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I've lost my daughter she was only 7months. There are days I can't leave my bed or move. I'm stuck with the playbacks of things I could of done to prevent it. I'm alone with my grief to try to manage with out a partner to help me.

Grief is a long painful process and you can't force it... we need to do whatever are body needs to get through it. Writing list of what u want to accomplish in a day helps. Even if it's just getting dressed. I can't go out in public yet, I broke down when I tried going to a mall, still haven't gone grocery shopping.

It's a painful process but in time u will be able to get through it.

Trina:

So sorry. You have my prayers and hope each day you will get through your pain and grief. From what I read, I assume you are living alone?

Same here. My wife gone and its the silence, the empty beds, her things laying around that make each day a struggle. I don't know what the future holds. I too, wish the pain would stop.

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