I lost both of my parents within 9 months of each other after caring for both of them through terminal illnesses. I knew ahead of time death would change me but not in the way it actually has. Before my loss I was always going somewhere and doing something. Extremely extroverted, always calling friends, or going to dinner often with friends. Now I find it difficult to even talk to people without feeling panicked or anxiety even people I've known for years.

It's been almost 4 years since my losses started and I know I have PTSD from their care. I wish I could forget some of the awful things I saw happen to my parents. Sometimes I get stuck in a loop thinking about it. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it. As of now I force myself to be social on occasion but every time I get panicked. I really wish I could get back to the bubbly talkative girl I used to be.

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I have all the symptoms that you describe. Lost my brother right after he lost his wife of 30 years then nearly the day that my brother passed away from a long battle that I was very much a part of helping him every way that I could his youngest son decided to kill himself one year later. I had to tell my mother when she got home from work. PTSD is real. I take meds for it. Talk to your doctor. I still take meds and probably always will until my time is up. Mother left me in charge. Yay me. Zoloft, valium and ambien. As needed. Zoloft daily. I have a whole lot of things that caused the anxiety way before all of my family leaving me here to deal with the people who are left for me to take care of. Not an easy road. For me meds help me cope. I know many do not agree with meds but to each his own. I medicate to keep my sanity. 

My heart goes out to you for your losses. I am on Wellbutrin and was thinking today I will probably always have to be on it. I also take Valium for anxiety. So far for sleep just melatonin, but when I get stuck thinking about cleaning my mother up, or watching my daddy struggle to breath and seeing the fear in his eyes, I'm up for the rest of the night no matter what. It is nice to know that I'm not alone in experiencing this...I hope as I work through my grief I can maybe get close to the person I used to be. For now I just feel orphaned.

I will never be the same again. Just keep trying to do the best I can. Need to get in some exercise routine or something. Due to physical health problems I am limited. I want to get back into shape. Might help with depression too.

It does, I've been walking and hiking,I notice when I don't though. When I walk I get this clarity where I think about it and can sometimes work through some of it for a time.

dad dies ptsd setel fr bit tnh ths yr wot set ot off bean a victm o fcrim wish pls dnt let me tell pele abot bad ebuf had go thru ths wn i had 2 do cps intver abot it 

moms alz/dem getin wors

my slf not bean well neglet my slf  bt evry 1 els 1st

sorry on yotre los/loses 2 my hrds alll ovr plas e it mim mult loss momm bean ill coz of dem/alz

me mest up bean dnt wnt 2 go on sorry

I had bad social anxiety before I met my husband.  Over the years he became my buffer when things got overwhelming.  And with his help, I was eventually able to be out with people, even in crowds without having a panic attack.  I did have to have a few days to prepare and a few days to recover but we found a system that worked.  Now, I start to panic when the phone rings.  I don't want to be the person I was before.  Always afraid, always on the verge of a breakdown.  I want to be the person I was when I was with him.  But all those feelings are coming back 10 times worse than before.  It hasn't even been a month since he died and my doctor wants to wait before putting me on medication.  Sent me to a counselor to see if she can help.

Oh man, that's terrible... I'm with you on this all the way! I can understand why you would feel the anxiety come rushing back. I don't understand why this happens, I went out today and had to take deep breaths to keep the anxiety from hitting. That's helped. My counselor had said for me it's part of depression. The hiding out might be a part of me not facing the issue. Feel free to reach out anytime. Maybe we can help each other!

Thanks, I appreciate it, same to you anytime.  My doctor and counselor both say it's to soon to diagnose me with depression because its part of the grieving process and I could overcome it in time.  My counselor thinks I have ptsd because of the way my husband died and the subsequent events.  But again thinks time and therapy will help me over come it.  Right now it's hard to see me overcoming anything, every day just seems to get worse.

If you think you need something talk to a psychiatrist. They can more effectively diagnose you and better tell if you need an antidepressant are anti anxiety. They can prescribe it. It's such a long Path and it comes in waves, you really never know when it is going to hit.

Thank you so much for  your post.  I know your original post was in Aug but I am just now seeing it.  I am back on this site because I just lost a man I had been dating and although it was not long he had a very Big impact in my life and I saw a great future with him.  He died last weekend after leaving my house.  He died on the freeway going home.  Sudden heart failure.  

I can relate to your post.  I have social anxiety and it is not fun.  I am an extrovert like you and also very bubbly.  I am on a mini vacation with family and we went out last night to a busy restaurant and I had so much anxiety we had to leave.  And today we went to farmers market and I had another one.  

I am sorry for your loss and I am also sorry for  you anxiety.  I hope things are getting better since your original post.  Be well and take care of yourself. 

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