First- welcome to Missing My Son or Daughter. Only I truly wish you all didn't know this agony & loss. But, we all do - We may be able to help each other by sharing our story & connecting with people who truly understand us.
((( HUGS to you ALL))) Karen

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Oh my heartbroken sister in sorrow,I know EXACTLY how you feel, it's going to be 5 years for me without my son to hold in my arms,and it feels like it WAS yesterday,it does come flooding back,like I'm drowning in the realization that the rest of my life will be "lived" without my boy,he was 27 but still my "boy",knowing I don't want to go on without him,but I will. I don't know how I made it this far. When you said that you should have stopped your precious son from going out , I know cause I had similar feelings about what I should have done as well, but know this, if we had ANY idea that our sons' were in danger of dying, of COURSE we would have done WHATEVER was needed to have prevented it from happening, please try not to obsess about what COULD have been done,we are not responsible, but I know as mothers we keep looking for ways we could have saved our babies, we've been protecting them since they were born...my heart is crying for you,my "sister", I'm so sorry that you have to be suffering this enormous LOSS,I'll be praying for you,there are tears in my eyes as I type this because I know there are NO words to console you,just know I m suffering right along side you, nobody but another mother who loves her child with all her heart feels this terrible loss like we do. I know your husband is surrering greatly as well, I can only imagine how terrible this is for him as well, but I can only speak to a mothers heart, to YOUR heart my dear sweet sister,I'll be keeping you in a special place in my heart and mind,your experience has touched me deeply, Bless you dear,Chris

Thank you so much for your reply. At 9 weeks out, I am hitting that point where some people are starting to move on - and think I should, too.  It helps a lot to hear from someone else who gets it.  I am sorry for your loss, too.  Itʻs so hard.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to believe that people would be so callous as to move on after only 9 weeks, but those who haven't experienced this tremendous shattering loss often can't relate and are uncomfortable. It's been 4 years since we had our beautiful Kara with us, even longer when I think of how drugs stole her from us. I agree with Chris, we all do the "what ifs" and "should haves". I did this for a long time and I think it was a kind of bargaining and self-torture. Maybe it kept me feeling closer to my daughter in a way. Please know that those of us who are on this journey truly understand what you are going through, and all your feelings are OK and valid. A little book that I got from a support group, called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Hickman, who herself lost her teen daughter, has been helping me (not that one ever fully heals). I'm sending you my prayers and a hug.

I am so sorry for your loss, too. I try to release the "what ifs" that come up, when they do (every day), because I canʻt change anything about that night now. I am finding it harder every day, though - itʻs no longer waves, but it is just a constant sadness weighing me down.  

Dearest NB

I am so so so sorry to welcome you to this group. I lost my son also in a tragic car accident at age 17. It wil; be 4 years on Dec. 1 It is absolutely unreal for you and anyone around you to think you should be "moving on" after 9 weeks. You will be in shock for the first year (at least). Our minds and souls can't handle the trauma at first. It takes along time to process it all and deal with the waves of grief and despair. You will never move on. You will move through and try to find ways to deal with the pain. I am sending you love and prayers and hugs.

I hope I am not in shock, still - because if the pain gets worse than this, I will certainly not be able to deal. I am in such pain, every day. I am so sorry about your son. 

Nb, your story made me cry.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my college age daughter in 2010 right after she went back to school (2 hours away).   She was the victim of an impaired driver.  She is our only child.  Everything Connie said is true.  I have not moved on.  I move through.   I always feel like I am walking through molasses.  I see her everywhere I go.  She is NEVER out of my mind.  I am only still here by the grace of God.  Be gentle with yourself because "the world" does not understand this level of pain.  The holidays for most of us feel unbearable.  I'm just saying that so it doesn't take you by surprise.  Love to you.

My sonʻs birthday is near Christmas - and I am just really having a hard time wrapping my head around what the next two months is going to be like.  I hear you on the molasses-walking thing. Itʻs just the perfect image. I am so sorry about your daughter. 

I am sorry for your loss, as well. I do have to admit I have been asking God to take me, too, but I know these feelings will pass. The molasses-walking thing is so true. I am worried about the holidays - first round and his birthday is very near Christmas, too.  

I am sorry for your loss, as well. I do have to admit I have been asking God to take me, too, but I know these feelings will pass. The molasses-walking thing is so true. I am worried about the holidays - first round and his birthday is very near Christmas, too.  

I find it helpful to do something new on holidays. We even traveled across country to see my mom last year on Christmas day. It made it much easier and traveling was a breeze! I also travel on Mother's Day. I just can't bear pretending on those days. On his birthday we have usually celebrated his life with his friends and family. I believe his spirit lives on. My faith is all that gets me through.

I wanted to go up to where my older son moved, but I think the other three kids want to be at home for Christmas- perhaps for his birthday, we can do something special that heʻd like, or try to catch up with the kids who were in his high school class who will be home for Christmas. I just have to live through the first one and see.

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M Adams posted a blog post

The food of love

Think I’ve mentioned someplace on this site that sharing meals and cooking was always very important to my husband...it was also a big part of my mother’s life and one of the ways she showed affection and concern for those in her life, they were similar in many ways, including that one.  My husband used to tell people that he’d always “had trouble distinguishing food, love, and sex” — he’d say it in a joking way, but he really believed that in some way, at the deepest level, they were all one…See More
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"Susan B,  I am so sorry.  To try and live without that person who was by your side for 52 years is a living nightmare.  I had 35 married years but 55 of knowing him (since second grade).  That much history buries the person left…"
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"not bean a grt wk on pepple passin i no plu  plus near dads anvers 10 or 9 daysi am i no its bean 8 yrs "
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Dark Night and Day of the Soul

Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have come to the concludion will be my year, 2020 will be the year I…See More
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bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I just wish I could have died with Julian. Like you, everyday I just go through motions. I am blessed with my Sweet Dog, Babie J. I am living for her. She now has dementia and it is so sad to watch her declining. She has been by side…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Maybe open yourself up, try to ride that love and passion I see in you. You loved your husband so deeply, focus on that. Maybe we are still here because we need to evolve a bit more or do something that God wants us to do. looking back I feel you…"
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Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Exactly If We are wrong we won’t know it, but we do know that we are energy (souls), basic physics says energy cannot be destroyed. Anything is better than existing here in this void!"
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Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"If you focus on the light and the good, that’s is God! I have felt it, I don’t know anything about plans or why people get taken before others but I do know that wherever that next realm  is I’m ready to go I am not…"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That's great that you have no doubt about the existence of an afterlife. I doubt there's a god, but if there is one I'm not convinced it's a loving God, as it allowed my husband to die young(-ish) and one week after our wedding.…"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Over the years I have thought that Bluebird gets it much more than almost everyone who has written about this - at least from my point of view. At the root of this, I think, it's the absence of their presence that hurts so much.  I…"
Feb 20

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