First- welcome to Missing My Son or Daughter. Only I truly wish you all didn't know this agony & loss. But, we all do - We may be able to help each other by sharing our story & connecting with people who truly understand us.
((( HUGS to you ALL))) Karen

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((( HUGS )))
Karen, first let me say how sorry I am to hear of your loss.  My son Silas was diagnosed with cancer in the beginning of October 2007, the very month you lost your dear son Brad.  Silas passed on May 27, 2008.  I don't think it has gotten easier for me in many ways either; in fact it just gets longer since I have seen my funny & sweet son. I will never accept that he was taken before his life was complete here, because that is how I look at it.  I have decided that it is not for others to say what I should or shouldn't accept, or how I should grieve.   I try to remind myself that my girls need me, which is starting to sink in, even though I am not the mom I was before Sy's death. I have started a fund for young adults with cancer, as they are so underfunded.  That is something that occupies my mind a lot, and I have met a lot of amazing young adults going through cancer as well.  Still, I cry a lot, and feel overwhelmed at how I even manage to get through a day at work.  Brad is your son, and he always will be.  I understand your feelings as a mom.  Sometimes I think the only reason we are still here is because our broken hearts keep beating in spite of it all...  I hope that you find something to help you through your days, and please know that as a grieving mom, I am here for you.
((( HUGS )))

*hugs*

I have also experienced the death of a child.  My 9 year old was killed by a drunk driver in 2000.  I have since dedicated my life to offering grief support by directing a support group in my community.  I also have developed a Facebook page for another resource for healing.

https://www.facebook.com/TheGrievingParent?fref=ts

My heart goes out to you, Karen.
My 33 year old daughter, and only child, was killed while operating a 4 wheeler. The accident happened in North Pole, AK where she live with her husband. I reside in San Antonio, TX. It happened on Memorial Day of this year, 5/25/09. It is just so hard to understand what happened, why she was not wearing a helmet. She was not a thrill seeker...the accident happend at 12:15pm (AK time) and she was pronounced dead at 12:49pm (AK time). When I saw my son-in-laws phone # and name on my phone I knew my worst fear had been realized because he NEVER called me. Life as I knew it just ended and I have been lost ever since.
So many raw feeling and emotions ranging from numbness to raging anger at nothing and everything! The logical part of my brain makes me go through the motions of daily living while the other part of my brain does nothing. I just don't know what to do with myself. My husband (my daughter's stepfather) has been my rock yet he had been a part of her life for 25 years and he too misses her tremendously.
And you are right as I too have not been able to accept that she is gone...
we lost our daughter gemma to a auto accident, her boyfriend was driving too fast swerved and hit a tree gem took full impact and died instantly. the boyfriend is free to drive and get on with his life, we will never forgive him. it will be 6 years in december and i cannot believe i am still here, my heart is broken ans shattered and i miss gem and love her more and more every day. loosing a child is the worse thing possible and not the right order, you expect to loose parents andthat hurts but unless you have lost a child there reallyis no comparasing, we love our children so much they are our lives. the pain never leaves me nor ever will, the longing to hold and touch gem and tell her i love her is so painful. I am alive but not living, and all the time in your head are the if onlys, and whys. o god how i love you gem, love to all xx
hi all, i had my first baby on 25 November 1995, there were complications at birth and she had Cerebral Palsy, seizures, lung problems, visual problems all her life. our lives were in and out of hospitals. in so, i grew so close to her, and she to me. i was her everything, her spokesperson, her protector. only i could understand her. my primary mission was to love love love her. and we became indescribably close. the laughter we shared, the singing, the loving and affection, the funny things, barney, the teletubbies, funny ways of singing their songs, just so so much.
in january last year, she started deterioriating. i thought it was like all the other times she took ill, and eventually pulled through again. but she didnt. she couldnt go on anymore. she passed away on 24 April last year. i lost a huge part of myself. i am broken. i love my jessy

Janice.... My son was 14 when we lost him in the ER with an allergic reaction to a medication given for a siezure.

He had Autism. He was quite a handful... could not communicate well...behavioral problems...So I can really relate to your story a lot. We are like Mama Bears with these kids... and yet many believe we should have a sense of "Relief " .... because we no longer have the "Burden" Of this diabled child.... Boy that BURNS me Up!  Many people look at a disabled person as suffering and it is "A BLESSING".... well as Parents we have a HUGE part of our lives in these kids...  I too am lost and feel very Broken.  Sometimes I can understand those that feel this way but I get angry that they feel our grief should be less.....  My son was the HUB of our family... and since he passed in May of 2009.... I feel like my entire family... and my marriage is unraveling.

I spent 14 years as his advocate... and protector... now I am so totally lost without him.

On June 26th, 2001 we lost our daughter, Irene. We were all white water rafting. Irene fell out of her raft doing down the last fall. When she went under she pushed herself off the botton getting her foot caught. We couldn't save her. When I close me eyes I still her laying on the ground. That day the clock stopped ticking, the world stopped spinning. I miss her each and everyday. I not only lost my daugther but I lost my best friend. I don't think any of us will ever be the person we were. Laughter comes hard if at all. I feel like a shell. Just walking, talking, eating on automatic. Some days I just don't want to be here anymore. But I go on because others need me. How can the world be so cruel as to let us lose a child. Until we meet again Irene, will I be whole.
I lost my daughter on July 4, 2009. In an atuo accident and I was at fault because i was tired. The night before I had worked a 12hr shift (corrections officer) and that morning I came in from work and got the kids off to daycare and basicly took a 4hr nap. I took my mother shopping, picked the kids up from daycare and headed to a friendgirl's home to help her setup for another friend's party for later on that night. My friend's son volenteered to keep my kids that night so we could have a girls night out. I don't even know what time I left the party because I was also networking with the owner of the club to work there part-time. Since I was trying to get a job, I was trying to remain professional, so I wasn't drinking. The owner noticed this and said "Hey let me make you one of my Long Islands". After he agreed to let me work part-time I told the girls that I was going to head out because I was going to help my mom cook for the 4th. I remember when I picked up the kids, I buckled my son in and my daughter went to the back row because she wanted to lay down. I said ok buckle up. At the time I didn't realize how tired I was, but my destination was only approx. 25 minutes away (in the country). Next thing i know my truck was in a spin. we finally came to a stop when we hit a ditch, the truck rolled on it side but rolled back on the tires. I woke up hearing my kids crying. My daughter had been thrown from truck. She was hurt very badly, I was afraid to touch her. My son was calling my name and crying because mosqutios were bitting him. I check him over and made sure he was fine and covered him with a blanket. My daughter began to call my name, this is when i truely saw her injuries. I couldn't find my phone so I started to pray "Please God don't let her suffer like this." She stopped crying and that is when I became so afraid, I found my phone and called for help. The medics called for and air ambulance for my daughter, by this time my mom and husband(separated at the time) arrived on the scene just after the police. I know the medics, my mom, my husband, and the police all thought that I was drunk or high. They wouldn't allow me to leave with either of my kids. My kids were taken to separate hospitals and I was left in the backseat of a police car. The trooper didn't even attempt to give me a breathalizer until after the ambulances left the scene. He took his time and took pics of everything! This angered me so so much. He gave me the test and was VISIBLY shocked at the results. That wasn't good enough, he had to take me to the hospital to have blood drawn. Luckly this was were my son (and husband) was. After my son was given a clean bill of health we were about to leave to go be with my daughter that was an hour away when the nurse came in and left the room with my son. The officer came back in the room and said there's no easy way to say this but your daughter didn't survive her injuries. My daughter's life had ended at 5yrs old because I was tired and fell asleep driving.
OH MY.... There is nothing I can say for this kind of pain...  except that I think EVERYONE of us parents have played the repeat button many times in all of our situations where we have lost our child.....looking for some reason or explaination or the "What Ifs' that will haunt us all....  What if I would have done this or that differently.... we all find some reason to beat ourselves up... like we could have saved them... if only.... but unfortunately in the end we all have the same result.... We lost our child.... It is what it is.   HUGS!

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