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Don't grieve alone.
Please help: My dad is my best friend and now he's gone
My dad meant everything to me. I'm not exaggerating when I say that in all of my 24 years, I've done nearly everything in the hopes of making my dad proud of me. In return, he loved me beyond all else. We spent nearly all of our free time together. He worked as a radio DJ, and was somewhat of a local celebrity, which made me feel extra special. I was so proud to be his daughter. Now that he's gone (he died two days ago), I feel as if my identity is lost. My natural insinct is to go talk with him when I feel sad. He always found a way to make me feel better. He was a goofball and could always make me laugh. My mom was sick just last year with stomach cancer, and we worked together night and day to help her. Now that I no longer have him to support me, I feel scared, lost and alone. I wake up in the morning and realize with horror that I'll never talk with him again... never see him again, never share my inner-most thoughts with him again. He always protected me, and now my shield is gone. I do't know what to do. God help me.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Laura Villarreal on -
Cat, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. Physically he has departed this earth but he still lives within you. Your memories and feelings for him will remain with you always. The feelings you have of being scared, lost and alone are to be expected but with each passing day they will lose their intensity. Maybe not as quickly as you like but they will pass. Allow yourself to grieve and take life one day at a time. My personal mantra after my daughter's passing was one day, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time. The most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Have you sought the help of a therapist? Please consider doing this if you have not. Start a journal and write about your dad, your feelings and/or your thoughts. Sharing your feelings here was a step in the right direction to the path for healing. I have found the members here to be very helpful and understanding. We are all here because we have lost someone we love. Also, you might want to consider joining the "I love my dad" group on this site. And I do believe he is watching over you...
Sincerely,
Laura
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Permalink Reply by Cat Bailey on -
Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.
I still can't entirely believe that he's not here anymore. Since my mom's illness, my dad always tried to distract me and provide me with stability amidst the craziness that took over our lives. He was always so excited about life and living -- in a way I've never encountered in anyone else. Most of my enjoyment has always come from finding things that he and I could share together -- a good movie, book, etc -- I learned what interested him, and I would seak it out and learn to enjoy it as my own. Now, I feel as if nothing interests me because I can no longer share it with him in the way I could before. I'm just so sad.
Thanks for the suggestion of joining the "I love my dad" group. I'll look into that.
My hope is that I will see him again someday.
-Cat
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Permalink Reply by Laura Villarreal on
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One of the things that gets me through each day is my faith and belief that I will see my daughter again. I continue to "talk" to her and write letters to her. It's amazing how much better I feel when I do these things. There are days when I am overcome with sadness but this is normal; we were so close, just like you and your dad. Having no interest in doing things right now is all part of the grieving process. For days I would get up, put on the coffee, feed the husband and dogs, then go to bed. I remember doing nothing else throughout the day. I was just numb. Give yourself time and more importantly allow yourself to grieve. There are no set timetables in the grieving process; we are all different and that is okay. Take care, Cat.
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Permalink Reply by Cat Bailey on
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Thank you so much for your reassuring words. I have moments now where I seem to go numb ... like I'm observing everything from afar. Then, a moment later, I feel it with all the intensity as before. It's just so strange. The funeral is set for this coming Monday, and I'm really scared of it. My mom has been really supportive, but she's crushed inside, too, and I feel bad about falling apart in front of her. I know I need to help preparing the funeral, but I just want to sit down and cry all day. I feel like I'm five again, and I want everyone to take care of me... like he did.
He was a huge film and television fan, and I'm used to collecting clips from the internet to share with him. It's what I did for fun, and to calm down if something was bothering me. Now I feel like all my coping skills have been taken away. I want to share all the fun animated clips I've found... but he's not there. My heart wants to follow him like I always have. I miss him so much.
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Permalink Reply by Laura Villarreal on
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Cat, my heart goes out to you. Have you asked yourself why you are afraid of the funeral on Monday? I was absolutely paralyzed with fear the day before my daughter's Celebration of Life Service. After much thought I realized I would be making a public acknowledgment/declaration of her death. This would make her death absolutely true. My heart did not agree but my mind knew it to be true...an overwhelming sadness took over. Please reach out to family or a good friend to help you and your mom through the day. I leaned on so many people; this suprised even me because I have always been the caregiver through life but I needed the support this time. You will come through this even though it does not seem like it right now. If there is to be a viewing request a private one prior to the public one for you and your mom and anyone else you feel is appropriate. Allow yourself to grieve. Crying is part of the grieving process. A piece of your heart will follow him and he will always be within you.
Below is a poem I wrote the day before her service...take care Cat and please continue to share with us as you need to. Laura
Tomorrow (Can I Do This?)
Written on June 6, 2009
Be strong I thought
Don’t shed a tear
Sit straight up
And they won’t stare.
I don’t want pity
Though it hurts so much
I want giggles and laughter
Silly stories and such.
Tears of sorrow
I don’t want today
Give me comfort and love…
I’ll be crying until next May.
She was full of life
And touched many hearts
Her compassion was endless
But even death can’t keep us apart!
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Permalink Reply by Mim Bard on -
Cat, I so know what you are feeling. My dad died in April and I am still so sad and so alone. I am sorry I can't tell u the pain will go away - you just get used to the feeling of sadness on a daily basis. I pray for you and hope that you find some meaning out of your loss.
M
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Permalink Reply by Cat Bailey on
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I'm so sorry about your dad. It's good to know that someone else understands. So many of the people I know aren't very close to their dads, and they don't seem to undstand that I've lost an essential part of me. I feel so empty and alone. I want him to come talk to me and make it all better like he always does. I knew I was his number one in the world... and he was mine.
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Permalink Reply by Serena Ellis on
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Cat
I feel so sad for heard about your loss. It is very hard time for you and I know its difficult to deal with this grief. He was your best friend and I understand your feelings. But everything is in God's hand and we can't do anything against his power.
There are many grief counselings which can helps you to deal with your grief. My friend lost her dad last month and she is also join this group. I will pray to God for you and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
condolence message
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Permalink Reply by Cat Bailey on
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Serena,
Thanks so much for your support. I feel so empty without him -- I can't imagine years going by without talking to him or hearing his voice. It helps to hear from those who are also experiencing grief. Thanks again.
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I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
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