I come here to read posts and on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the hardest, we are at infinity.  Having to manage the death of our beloved spouse (him or her) is definitely off the charts.  From reading here after three years I have come to see and feel that all of us even with different circumstances have some major things in common which is why this site is such a lifeline.  I have listed them and would like to share them.  These are from all of you but I think resonate as the exact same feelings we each have.

 

the people I thought would be there for me have left

Seems like 1 step forward and 3 steps back.

I am an adult, and don't understand the meaning of death at all

I'm existing and will make it through this because I don't have a choice

knowing I'm not going through this all alone is definitely helpful

I feel guilty

my husband ……we didn't have anything in order.  So I spend my days on the phone trying to figure things out.  

My mom lost her husband …..I didn't realize until now how terrible it must have been for her.

I still just can't get over the absence and everything I do is done with great effort and sadness

The only energy I really have is anxiety…… I just try to re-channel it

it takes me forever for my brain to claw through the deep fog ……..and sort of wake up

loss has changed who I am

No one will ever love me again like that

I miss him……. so bad it physically hurts

memories that literally hold me hostage

….. was my best friend,  my rock

Now im left behind trying to cope

no one has taken the time to ask how i am…. Everyone seems to expect me to just cope

I miss touch

i feel like all im doing is whining about how bad things are

it is like an episode of the Twilight Zone

When he passed my happily ever after went with him

I am sorry that any of us are here

count this as a good day as I am one day closer to joining him

a horrible dream that we would wake up from

I have to take it one second, one minute, one hour at a time

the world is still moving and don't realize that I am at a standstill

I know he's with me in spirit, but I can't hold him or touch him

I wonder if a person can just will themselves to die.

my family thinks I should be done grieving but I cannot….. I pretend to be ok

I am struggling and I need help

can not even make a decision without getting all confused

I cry every day wanting to know why I could not go with him

Half of me is gone

I'm trying to do things but i dont know how to cope

None of us ever expect this amount of pain and we are all trying to manage it the best we can

everything is a gargantuan effort

alone and broken

There is NO time limit for grief

Until they experience the same gut wrenching life altering loss  that we have experienced, they haven't a clue

All my ups and downs, everything I feel, he was always the first one to know and to understand

Noise, movement, music - practically anything would put my nervous system on excruciating torment

 

To close:

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

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im sp mest up coz of so mush loss

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6 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx.............."
20 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this."
20 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx  i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me "
20 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. "
20 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss  u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm "
20 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. "
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Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
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Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
May 17
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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May 15
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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May 15

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