My Mom was my best friend and the greatest mother you could ever ask for. I still can't believe she passed away and it's only been eight months but it still feels like yesterday. I always told my Mom that I wanted to die before she did because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it and unfortunately that is exactly what is happening. I do believe in my heart the Doctors and nurses made a terrible mistake and she should still be here with me but my hands are tied and I'm not sure if finding out the truth if that is it, do I want to know it, will it make me worse off than I already am. My Mom was the most affectionated, loving , kind, selfless, caring, compassionate woman I have ever known. Her and I had such a special bond and since June 6 of 2015 there has not been one day that I have not bawled my eyes out. Some days I can barely get out of bed. All my hopes, dreams, desires and my heart are with M9m in Heaven. I don't k,ow how I will ever find happiness or joy again. What is the reason to keep going in, not much. I wish I could feel her presence, see her, have a visitation dream, but nothing. I thought for sure because of our close relationship I would get so many signs but I don't. I'm still very angry with God, how could my Mom come him ed from the hospital on Tuesday and end up back there Wednesday and then die on Saturday, something is so wrong. This will be my first birthday, Feb 17 in 52 years that my Mom has not been with me for my birthday. I'm actually dreading it. Sorry to ramble on and on and I am so sorry for everyone that us on this site, this is not a site I want to,be on, I want to be with my Mom. My heart aches everyday.

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Hi Renee

I am so sorry that your Mom has passed and the pain that you are feeling.  Even though you are at your lowest here, please know that life is worth living.  The signs will come but for now, maybe your emotions right now are not making them so apparent.  I found that after my mother passed that no matter how I tried, I could not recollect things that I wanted to remember.  I wanted to remember things from my childhood, things about her and for some reason they didn't come to me for such a long time.  I think that the grief was so overwhelming that I had a mind block. 

The firsts are horrible.  I dreaded my first birthday without my parents.  My mother used to make such a big deal, she used to bake my birthday cake every year.  Not having that, or a card, a call, a hug...it's awful but know that there are so many people on here are here for you.  To give you support through all of those tough times.  Here to listen when you want to talk.

Your Mom sounded very special, I try to remember how blessed I was to have such a wonderful mother.  Not everyone has that kind of relationship with a parent. 

Do you have friends and family to be with on your birthday? x

Hi. Thank you for responding back to me. Yes My Dad and Sister are taking me out for my Birthday, but you know, it's not the same. I won't be getting any BIRTHDAY cards or Valentine's Day cards from Mom, it's so sad, I don't even want to celebrate. Omg, I miss her so much, just the little things, miss her voice, don't even remember what her voice sounds like. I just wish I could be in Heaven with her, my life will never be happy again. I can't image having to wait so many years to see her again, it's so unfair. If God is such a loveing God why doesn't he allow us to see our love ones at least once a month? Why does he want us to be sad, and miserable? If he was a good God he would let us see our love ones so that would could heal and so we could move on with our lives until it was time to be reunited. I hate life since Mom has passed and I don't see it getting better.

I feel the same. If my mom was my very best friend and we were so extremely close why hasn't she connected with me? We always talked about flowers and how if we died we would make sure we could smell a strong smell when we least expected. Or, that she would come to me. Be close. I am so lost and I feel like she is so far away.

    I'm sorry you hurt so much. I can empathize My mother passed away very unexpectedly this past weekend, and I just can't keep going over the whole chain of events in my head. My mother and I were very close, and now, with no warning, she's gone. When my father (thirteen years older than my mother) passed a couple of years ago, he had been in very bad shape for months, and we knew the end was coming. I got to visit my father in the hospital and say good-bye hours before he passed. With my mother, I didn't get to do that, as there was no indication she was going to die any time soon.

     On Friday night, we talked on the phone, sent some e-mails back and forth, and everything seemed fine. Then on Saturday, I couldn't get in touch with her, which was very unusual. I called 911, EMS came to her home, and found her lifeless body on the couch. It was only after the autopsy was done that it was discovered that my mother had very bad heart disease. We had no idea. 

    Regardless of the circumstances, losing a parent is very painful, especially when you're very close with that parent.  Right now, I feel like I'd give up everything I have, if I could just have my Mom back.

      This May, I will be turning 35, and that will be my first birthday with no parents to share it with. At this point, I can't anticipate how I'm going to feel that day. 

      Right now, I have relatives around, which helps. They help me deal with all the crazy paperwork, and such, and we use gallows humor to ease the pain of the loss.  Next week, the relatives leave, and I return to regular life and work. I have no idea how that will feel.

    Apparently, I'm quite capable of rambling myself. Feel free to ramble or vent any time. I can't bring your Mom back any more than I can bring my own Mom back, but I can listen, and understand.

     Try to take care of yourself, and find reasons to laugh, if you can. I imagine that your mother would want you to find some degree of peace, even though the pain will always be there to some extent.

I am so sorry.. I too lost my mom this July 4th. She was my other half, my best friend and I talked to her everyday. Texted till late at night. Called when I was happy or sad. Or just when we needed to laugh. Its the most horrible loss and i am so sad without her. I don't even know who to be yet. My mom was with me the day before, I made her last breakfast.

Its phases. your relatives will leave and it will be quiet. You will feel lost, you will feel confused and you'll laugh when you least expect it. Everything is different. Its hard. It is really hard. You'll be okay, you have to be. You will know no other way because the alternative is sleeping all day? NO! You'll take one minute at a time. It will hit you in waves. I have breakdowns that are unreal! I can't stop and then I have two day crying hang over.

I gained 15 pounds since she left me. I am in total slow motion. Motivation? working out? not me. I am ready for bed at 7 these days....

I lost my mother almost 5 months ago and it's the same for me too.  I don't have family, I am the only one left, abandoned.  Just like that...boom...gone.  I am in constant agony and it doesn't seem to lessen.

Keri, I am so sorry. Your statement is so real and it reads as i feel inside. Boom, gone, just like that. My mom passed in July. The world is well, different. Sad.

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