i recently lost my beloved mother to cancer. she passed away may 27th 2011. i will never forget that day, and it continually plays over in my head. i was there the moment she passed and i felt her in the room with him. i told her she was free and she could go fly with the birds.

 

every day i miss her so much. i wish so badly i could give her a hug and tell her that i love her. i can't believe she is gone forever. i am only 25 years old; i live with my father and my brother. it is so hard and i also feel so sad for my father. they are both only 60 years old. i can't imagine what it will be like for him to live the rest of his life without his best friend.

 

i guess im just talking out loud here... i have never dealt with death. i used to some times think of my parents dying and how devastated i would be. i never thought it would happen so soon.. it was so unexpected.

 

i also regret that i wasn't there in the hospital with her more. she was going for treatment and we were under the impression she would be getting better, and it all took a turn for the worse one night. she died the next morning. i just wish i could have been there more for her and i keep going over the scenario in my head.

 

i guess i just need to talk to some one. its hard for me to talk to the people around me about this at this point.

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Dear Chrissy,

My mom died 6 days ago of complications of cancer. She suffered and it killed me inside to watch. I have so many regrets myself. Try and let go of them. I am. I am 55 years old. I have absolutely no one. My sisters are just lost in their own grief and guilt and God knows what else. If your moms death doesn't bring sisters together - I give up. Their behavior hurts beyond a knife in the heart. So i have not just lost my darling mom...I have realized I have no supoort from my sisters. Be so very blessed to have your dad. Mine left us when we were kids. Never saw him again. Survived that - kinda. You are so very young and my heart embrasses your pain. A mom is your life line to every breath you take because she gave you life. My last scene in my head is my mothers color leaving her face as she took her last breath. It will forever be there. She and I share the same birthday. We were best budiies. Oh yes we had our ups and downs. But in the end she told me how proud she was of me. Your mother knows your soul. No one else ever will have that connection with you. Those of us on the site are here because we are not getting something from those around us. We are reaching out to strangers who are experiencing what we are. We are begging "help me someone"!!!! We are lost. My husband left me 2 years ago after 20 years of marriage. I have NEVER dated since. What he did .changed me. But i survived. This today is comforting to me....my mom is not gone. She is right beside me. I am her daughter and she is my mother. It is mid morning and I have no idea how I will get out of bed. But I somehow will. I am here for you.

 

thank you Sue for your words. it helps to know that you are not the only one in the world suffering the same way , as i felt when my mother first died. i still think of it every day. i too have that final image of my mother taking her last breath and the color leaving her face. i still can't believe she is gone, its just not right. its not right.
im so sorry for your loss Sue, keep the faith hun....its not easy, I felt as you do when I lost my mom

Hi Chrissy:

 

I am so sorry and my condolences

and hugs out to you

wish you pain could be taken away

Plse Pray to the Lord to help

 

you cant beat yourself up

you did the best you could

 

I felt many things too

but the time has gone now

 

We just do not know when we will betaken

 

also the people round me, i get the idea

they think OK time to move on

 

Goodness me, it will take a long time

 

 

Sedona

 

take care

 

o/t I just lost my Mom

June 20th

My beautiful mother died in 2000 and it still hurts so much!  Unfortunately it never stops hurting and you always miss her.  But the way you handle it does get better.  I am 25 as well and was not with her also when she was getting treatment.  I know how that feels and that has honestly been one of the hardest things about my loss (not being there and saying goodbye) I have so much love for you since your situation is so similar to mine.  Just know that it is ok to talk about her as much as u want to because that will help the most.  Keep her alive!  And know that as a mom you were the most important thing to her and she knows u love her.  I hope that helped a little. 

Samantha,

 

Thank you for your kind comment. i do find it helps talking about her, as i do think about her every day.

 

everyday, i am sad. everyday, i wish so much i could talk to her, hug her and tell her how much i just wish i could see her smiling face again. she was the most beautiful simple woman i have ever known and she was a great friend and influence to me. i miss her dearly every single day.

 

i wish there was some way to not be sad every time i think of her; to not have that gut wrenching sadness. every night before i sleep i think of her and unfortunately, my thoughts revert to her final hours, seeing her face go white. 

 

this forum has been a great help to me. i never thought i would meet so many kind people with similar experiences. when she first passed, i truly felt like i was alone in the world in the way i felt.

 

thank you so much to all of you for listening to me and taking an interest in helping me.

 

I know how it is Chrissy my mother just passed away June 29th from cancer I am so lost without her I am here if you would like to talk god bless you and your family

 

thanks to Tara and the rest of you for your messages. I'm sorry to hear of the lose of your mother Tara =( i know we are in the same boat, it is so hard. i can't believe it has been over 2 months ago that i lost my beloved mother. i think of her and miss her every single day. i wish we had a cure for cancer. so many people dying from this horrible illness =(

I read your post, and I felt like I could relate to much of what you were saying... My dad passed away June 2010, he was only 51 years old. I was in my sophomore year at college, and in April I got a phone call from my parents telling me that my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and that I should come home. I booked a flight home the next day, and I never left. Everything happened so quickly... and within weeks it was clear that those were going to be the last moments that I would ever spend with my dad. I have the day that he passed away engrained in my mind, and as hard as I try to not think about it, it plays over and over in my head. I squeezed his hand, and felt his final breath, and I told him I loved him, and that he could finally be at peace... So much of what he went through seemed like sheer torture and torment, and no one deserves to spend their final days in so much pain.

He was, and will always be my best friend, and I'm sure that your mother will be the same for you. Your mom will always be with you, and her spirit is within you. Being our parents children, we have the capability to carry on their legacy, and to live our lives as they have taught us too. 

I am also young... I lost my dad when I was only 20 years old, and I know how difficult it is to find peers that understand, or if not, to at least try to understand what a loss like this must be like.... know that you are not alone, that there are always people who want to help, to lend a hand, to be a shoulder to cry on... sometimes that hardest hurdle to overcome is simply to ask for the things we need.

I have been so blessed to have all my grandparents and aunts and uncles with me, and my father was the first loss that I have ever experienced... it was so unexpected, and I still wake up feeling some mornings like I was sideswipped by a bus... I always expected my dad to be there to meet my future husband, to walk me down the aisle, to hold his grandchildren... I know that I too am still looking for comfort, and I can tell you that I waited almost a year before I was willing to share my experiences with anyone... there are still moments and feelings that I can't put into words... I admire your strength, openness, and willingness to find support, and to let others help. Grieving is never easy nor quick, and you will make it through the toughest of moments.

Chrissy,

 

thank you so much for your post. im so sorry about your father. there are many days when i am glad i came to this site, as i still have not told most of my friends about my mom. like you said, i just don't know how to tell them and i don't think they can understand what i feel like.

 

it has been barely two months since she passed, and its hard, every single day to deal with this. i also have those thoughts; that my mom will never be there to see my first home, see me get married. this hurts so much.

 

it's great that you are on here talking about it. i don't know where i would be right now if i couldn't come on here and let things out once in a while. some times i go for a while without coming on here because it is too upsetting, but when the time is right, i will come on here and post something. the people on this site are very supportive and i never thought a website could help me so much.

 

any time you have anything you would like to talk to, you are welcome to talk to me about it =)

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