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Miss My Beloved Husband
I lost my wonderful husband to lung cancer on 4th August, 2014. When he was diagnosed he was already at stage four. The doctor gave him two years to live, but he only lived for nine months after his diagnosis. He had three surgeries, including a pneumonectomy (his entire right lung was removed). After the major surgery, the surgeon declared him cancer-free and gave him 20 years to live. It sounded too good to be true. My husband had to take four cycles of chemotherapy over four months. It was excruciatingly painful and for 2 weeks during/after each treatment, and he would vomit 15-20 times a day. After the last the treatment was over, he was given an MRI that revealed that the tumors had back with a vengeance and he again had stage four cancer. The oncologist gave him until Christmas. We didn't accept the diagnosis and got on an experimental/trial treatment. After 3 rounds of chemo of the trial treatment, the tumors grew by 40%. It seemed to us that the first chemo therapy brought back the tumors and so did did the trial treatment. I think that even when doctors know that chemotherapy or other treatments won't be of any use they sometimes still give those treatments because the family members of the patients want everything done. My husband didn't want the chemotherapy, but I begged him to take them. But the cancer came back aggressively while he was under treatment. Of course, we'll never know if my husband would have lived longer had he not have undergone the horrible chemo. All I know is that he suffered unnecessarily for four months with the chemo and he went way before the two years he was given. I wish I could take away the excruciating pain he suffered. But I am grateful that my husband passed without fear; the night before his death he told me that he was prepared to go. I was with him until he took his last breath at 6:24AM on August 4th. We held hands...
I miss my husband beyond all measure. Right now I am spending the holidays with my family members. They have no inkling of the intensity of my pain and suffering. Unless you have lost a beloved spouse, I don't think it's easy for people to imagine the pain that a bereaved spouse feels. They see me acting quite "normal," but I don't feel "normal." That's why I am writing on this site because they are others like me who are suffering deeply, and perhaps even people close to them do not know the extent of their pain and suffering.
To all of you on this site who is missing a loved one terribly, you have my deepest sympathy and understanding. We are all in the same boat. Perhaps over time we will heal and be "normal" again.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jo Jo on
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I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my husband in November after a 5 month battle with lung cancer. It was the most horrible thing to watch. He tried radiation, two different chemo regimens, and two gamma knife procedures (for brain mets). The gamma knife is the only thing that worked. The chemo didn't touch it. We chose not to try anything else after the second regemin of chemo cause we knew it was just two aggressive and didn't want him to suffer needlessly. It was a hard decision and I still wonder sometimes of we should have tried just on more thing. He said he was gonna beat it even after we stopped treatment. He fought it till the very end. I think he willed himself to live as long as he did cause he so didn't want to leave us. He really suffered the whole 5 months!!! He passed here at home with his entire family's hands on him. It was a beautiful thing. I'm glad it happened this way. Christmas was his favorite time of year so this Christmas sucked. Nobody really expected me to be in a festive mood. How could they. I apologized for not having gifts for everybody cause I just couldn't bring my self to shop. They were all understanding and said they weren't expecting anything and that they didnt know how I was even there. That they would just be in bed with the covers over their head. Even the kids were understanding and very supportive. Glad iChristmas os over and now I might just stay in bed with the covers over my head the rest of the weekend. I'm mentally and physically exhausted!!! Hope things are somewhat better by next Christmas but I'm not gonna hold my breath!!
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Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on
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Dear Jo Jo,
I cannot tell you how very sorry I am for you. I can't even imagine how you are holding up after such a tragedy. Even if you were married to your beloved husband for a couple of weeks before he passed, this must bring you comfort knowing that you made him happy. That's very important.
You have been very brave and strong. How did you even face Christmas so soon after your husband's passing? Yes, most bereaved widows/widowers would have just hid in bed under the covers. I am glad that your kids are supportive and understanding of you. That helps.
My husband Joseph and I were in a relationship for 19 years and this Winter Solstice--21st December--would have been our 15th wedding anniversary. He was 49 years old when he passed. Even though we didn't celebrate Christmas, my husband loved Christmas carols and he would play the piano and sing carols for me the entire month of December. December is a special month for us: our anniversary, not to mention the holidays and New Year's Eve. It's been extremely hard (I had to be strong too for my family; they don't quite understand how utterly devastated I feel) this whole month, so I very much understand how much pain you are going through. Unfortunately, I came to realize that the pain we feel at losing the love of our life will take a long time heal. Each person deals with loss individually and each person's time of healing is different. I hope the intensity of your pain lessens some over time. I wish you peace.
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