Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 11, 2014 at 4:01pm

Maybe there is no god. Or if there is, maybe it doesn't care about us, or maybe it is unable to help us. Regardless, this is unbearable.

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on September 11, 2014 at 4:10pm

iv bean mad sinse my anti died i saw her suffer on  her death bed i did so not fair thn she died i wz close 2 her she wz 1 it set my mum dad up on a blnd dte in 70s she did 

she wz full of fun

wn my dad died she tryd 2 hlp

thn she suferd a strke thn big c on top 

she nevr did a bad thng 2 any 1

why did god sato n let ths happen 2 her 

i wud luv 2 meat a lovey man 1 day but im worid if i do he will die as well thn im mre of a weck again

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Permalink Reply by patience on September 11, 2014 at 7:37pm

If there is a god he does not give us anything we can't handle..yes everyone loses there loved ones yet I can't help but think there in a better place.if you wait on god or anyone else to save you your making your own boat to sink..we have to save our own selves..sometimes it's hard to be strong and not angry at someone over a loss..yet if we stay angry and mad then were creating more hate..and in the end you say I should have done or said this..truth is when it's our time it's our time..we get no explanation from god or excuse just there gone..it's something we each as a individual have to face in our own way. 

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 11, 2014 at 8:51pm

If there is a god, and if s/he is in control of things at all, then s/he most definitely DOES inflict on some of us more than we can handle.
If you are able to believe that your dead loved ones are in a better place, that's great (i'm serious, not being snarky), but not everyone has faith.
I have no desire to be "strong", and i don't give a damn if my anger and hatred towards a possible god upsets her/him.
My seemingly healthy husband had a heart attack and died one week after our wedding. I will ALWAYS be devastated, sad, angry about that. It was not "his time" to die, and he should not have died when he did. If there were a god that cared about us (me and my husband) at all, s/he would have saved my husband's life so that we could have had the long and happy life together which we deserve and were meant to have, or at the very least s/he would have killed me at the same time. But to leave me here, knowing i have no fsith, that i don't know if my beloved even still exists -- that is evil and cruel. I need nothing from god, if there is such a being -- i just need to die and be with my husband as soon as possible, if there's an afterlife, or at least die and cease to exist and no longer be in this anguish, if there's nothing.

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Permalink Reply by patience on September 11, 2014 at 9:16pm

The devil is a lie..look we all grieve our own way..who knows if there is a god a afterlife or anything else..I know one thing for a fact..I'm still here for a reason were all here for a reason either we can. Stay unhappy and angry forever or we can try to make good of it by heck holding a fundraiser in honor of people who have had heart attacks and spread the word heart disease happens..lets try to stop it..instead of being so negative which I know is hard..I'm gonna try to do something my loved ones would be proud of..now I'm sorry you don't believe in happiness anymore blue bird..yet I hope one day you can find closure ..

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 11, 2014 at 9:23pm

The devil is irrelevant -- I very much doubt there is such a being, at least as conceived of in the Judeo-Christian mythology (I'm not sure if that's the same thing you were saying or not). In any case, "the devil" has nothing to do with what I was saying.

I agree that we don't know if there's an afterlife or a god. But speaking for myself, I am not here for a reason, not anymore. I do not want my life, and I never will. I will always be unhappy and angry, for as long as I am forced to stay alive, and I will never do anything more with my life.  I'm not holding a fundraiser or trying to stop heart disease. I don't wish anyone else ill, but quite honestly I don't care about anyone other than my immediate family and our pets, either. Whether other people have heart disease doesn't matter to me, because helping them would not bring my husband back, and aside from my other immediate family members & pets, he is ALL that matters to me. I know that's a shitty way to live, but then again I don't want to live. 

If you can do things that make you happy and make your loved ones proud, that's great, it truly is. But as for me, I'm done. 

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Permalink Reply by patience on September 11, 2014 at 9:33pm

Yet your Here your Alive..you may not see Why now but one day you will..done with What giving up? You accomplished that already..you may have gave up on life blue bird yet life has not given up on you..I get your always going to be hurt n sad and angry..yet is that how he would want you to be? Is that how you want your family to remember you as giving up?..

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 11, 2014 at 9:37pm

I am only alive because I promised my family I wouldn't kill myself, but I won't keep that promise forever if I don't die of natural causes fairly soon.  There is no "one day I will see why i'm alive" -- I won't be alive long enough for that, and in any case I don't care if there's "supposed" to be a point to my life now, I refuse to do anything with it. I want it to end as soon as possible.

Of course my husband doesn't want me to feel as I do. I don't understand why people always say that -- I know how he feels, I know him better than anyone in the universe, but I cannot help but feel this way anyway, and he knows me better than anyone in the universe, so he knows that I cannot feel any other way because of his death. I don't want my family to be hurt, but I don't care if they remember me as having given up -- I have given up. My life is over, it ended the moment my husband died. My stupid body just needs to stop, too.

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Permalink Reply by patience on September 11, 2014 at 11:26pm

You know blue bird..your right you have given up..and when you do die and your family and children have pain and hatred and are hurt n mad and sad and angry at you for taking the easy way out..I hope they find this site and read all of this..maybe it will help them find closure or understand why they had to bury a loved one..cause I know what it's like to lay my mom n dad n the ground and your children and family need you..if there is a god who you think is so cruel then may god forgive me for saying this but be glad he took just your husband cause honey I got a graveyard in va full of everyone I love..and you know what at one point I thought like you even tried to commit suicide got the cuts on my wrists to prove it..yet I'm still here..trust me if it's not your time or your number up..your not going to die just make things worse for you and your family..imagine if your child found you ..don't you think I'd mess there head up? Or are you thinking only of yourself ..? 

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on September 11, 2014 at 11:46pm

I am thinking mostly of myself, also my family but i can't live for them. And I don't have children. And at least my family have faith in a "god", and that faith would comfort them. Besides, they will be sad no matter when i die.

Don't EVER say you're "glad" god "only" killed my husband. My husband is my LIFE. I'm sorry for your multiple losses, but that in no way diminishes my loss.

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Permalink Reply by Connie K on November 25, 2014 at 10:41am

Bluebird do not worry about someone dismissing your loss  just they have had more loss. Everyone grieves in their own way and I believe that Spirit is okay with it all. We all have our own paths, some straighter, some winding, but i do believe they all lead back to our one source. The only hell is here on earth, in the cages we create in our minds. I don't believe there is ever a separation from Spirit, especially not an eternal one. And please no Bible quotes. there are other great religious texts and if you study them you will find many similar "Truths". The truth is right here in our own being. God does not set conditions, only humans do.

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 25, 2014 at 10:45am

Connie,

Thank you for your post.  I used to believe as you do about god, if there is one (I was agnostic for years), and maybe you are right. Now I am virtually an atheist, and find myself unable to believe in a loving god, but if there is any kind of loving god, then I agree with your characterization of that god, and with the idea that each of us has her/his own path.

Anyway, I very much appreciate your kindness and open-mindedness.  Thank you.

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