Hi I'm new to this site so I hope I'm posting in the right section.

My grandma was diagnosed with ovarian cancer only about a month ago her tumor was blocking most of her insides and so she went for an operation two weeks ago, it was only supposed to be day surgery but she is still in the hospital now. Her tumor has taken over her whole body basically, it is blocking vital organs and she is very sick. Today my grandad called crying saying that it's now spread so badly and seriously that they are going to do emergency surgery on Tuesday but not expecting her to live until then and if she does, not to make it through the surgery.

My grandad remarried from my blood grandma so this is my step grandma, although they married when I was a newborn baby so I think of her as my grandma ... She IS my grandma. She's a devout Christian, and only cried once through this whole ordeal, so I have a sense of peace (I don't really know what other word to use) that she believes she is going to a far better place than what she's in now and has been suffering in for months. We've never been really close but I love her so much! I never told her, because we're just 'not that kind of family', but I think (hope) she knows that i do and I know she loves me.

She's always been crazy, with the biggest laugh I've ever heard, so much fun, almost naive in some cases... She never has a bad word to say about anybody no matter what happens... She's full of pure love! When I was little I never used to like going to her house because she wasn't very into entertaining children.... She would just put her favorite music on and dance around the room, or read her bible or watch really boring tv but she was always there for me, making sure I wasn't hungry or cold and asking about my life. I am super close to my grandad (her husband) and seeing him upset is the hardest thing .. I think it's harder than losing her. I went to see my grandma in the hospital this week, and I could tell she was in pain but she was trying to hide it, she still seemed perkier than I imagined, even while she's going through all this she didnt complain about it once and was more interested in what I've been up to and if my grandad has been eating!

I've never lost anybody before, but this is so hard! I want to cry and cry but I have to stop myself in front of my grandad (who I've always seen daily anyway) I wish id have been closer to my grandma, I wish I could take her pain away, I wish I could do anything to make my grandad happy. I haven't seen her side of the family in years, with them being 'step' family we don't keep in touch, and on my Grandads side there is only me, my mum and my 8 year old sister who have a relationship with them, I feel scared to admit to my mum how sad and terrible I actually feel because on top of this she is going through a lot of other things, so im basically alone.

Sorry for the rant I just had to get my feelings out.

Views: 180

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Kelli I'm really sorry to hear of your loss :(
Although I'm taking comfort from now being a part of this site and knowing I can relate to people I also find it awful that we're all on here because we've lost somebody :(
If you don't mind me asking... How on earth did/do you get on day to day? I KNOW it must get easier, I have so many people around me that have lost family members and friends and aren't crying daily but it just seems so hard to imagine! I just can't even believe she will be gone soon, I'll hear her really loud infectious laugh ever again! The last time we all had a really nice day out as a family was thanksgiving, we're British but my stepdad is from the US so we celebrated it for the first time with him last year. We went out for a big meal and my grandma got drunk! It was the funniest thing ever as nobody has ever seen her drunk before with her being so religious she's usually really just grandma-ish haha! She had such a lovely time and laughed and joked the whole afternoon, it was about 2 days after she came down with terrible symptoms which eventually turned out to be the cancer. That was the last time she ate a proper meal too, since then it has been constant vomiting and pain and so she is now extremely skinny and under 6 stone.... Hardly recognisable! It's so horrible and the worst is still yet to come :/

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service