Hi everyone, I’m Frank, I’m new here. Thank you for welcoming me into this group. Here’s the short version of my situation: my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in late 2007. Not that it matters, but for the record, she was a non-smoker and nobody in my family smoked. My parents were married for 60 years, I always say that this diagnosis blew my fathers mind. He had a stroke about two weeks later. My father died on March 1, 2008, and my mom three months later, in June of 2008. I didn’t know who to mourn first, I was shell shocked.
About a year and a half later, I was just starting to feel almost human again, and my best friend of 32 years walked into traffic on the Northern State Parkway, lay down in the road and took her own life. It was January, 2010. The adjectives the state troopers described the scene as or are so unfathomable, I will not go into detail here. A living nightmare. I had planned to grow old with her. We met when I was in first grade and she in third. At this point, I was 40 and she had turned 43 the week before she took her life.
13 months after this, my sister came out to all of us and told us that she had a purple mass on her chest. She had survived breast cancer about 18 years prior to this. Her cancer had been in remission, and she was completely consumed with caring for her husband, who has Parkinson’s disease. It was stage four cancer. She lived until September of the following year, her death was so gruesome, it was as if God said to me “you thought you know what death looks like, but this is what it really looks like.” It was stage four cancer. She lived until September of the following year, her death was so gruesome, it was as if God said to me “you thought you know what death looks like, but this is what it really looks like.“Almost as if he was pushing my face into a window.
So that was 2012, Labor Day weekend. And I’m just joining this group now.
I was driving home last night, on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, looking at the Manhattan skyline, listening to Christmas music and all of a sudden I missed my family. Really just wished I could see them on Christmas. I realized that it took me over 10 years to let myself feel that particular feeling. I was thrown so much at once, I think I have been in survival mode for the last decade. I gained 10 pounds a year, I’m 100 pounds heavier, I’ve been in therapy consistently and try to work hard on myself, but the truth of the matter is, the only thing that really helps is time. I feel like I lost a decade of my life because I was a zombie. I lost the people I loved the most, and now I need to rebuild.

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yep i get mean i do

my dad died in 2012

his unlee died 2011

ltconett to his dad

thn loss seams to foollrer it did

by 2013 go long 2012 wz lk a rolcotrsr of loss it

did

thn so did 2012

2913

2014

did

2015

did

2016

did

2017

did

2018

did

2019

did

just feal lk it 

not 

stoptt 

it did

i get it

i do

i go to spirt churchh i still cry for dad but toget comfet to no his stil lnera me givs me grt comfrt

i justt wish id go 2 it yrs go i do i do

so i wud not of sleff descryct

sorry on yore mulit loss i am

1 hng i vlenrt i will nevr tell a person on how thy shud feal coz plent y pelall did it to me thy did only u no way u feal u do

on hear u can lss screamway on a blog or  postt or a grouppp u can 

sorry if sayin wong stuff i am

I'm so sorry for your losses. I watched my Dad give up ad sink into depression after the death of my Mom and swore that I would never live like that. He remarried but truly mourned my Mom until he died, thirty years after her death. I pray that you will find a group, whether it be church or a support group in your community. It is helpful. After losing my Mom and my Dad, my husband was killed in a tragic car accident on November 6 of this year. It hurts deeply and I am still in the zombie/shock stage. It seems so surreal. I do plan to begin therapy and a support group soon. I have children and grandchildren that I need to live for...I will work hard to get through this but I know that my life and my heart will never be the same. We were married for 38 years...I loved him so.

I am praying for you and I hope that you find a group that can help you rebuild. Blessings!

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