Hi everyone I’m new to this group and I just couldn’t see myself grieving alone anymore...

I just lost my mom on July 1, 2018 and her birthday is in 2 days, I have been extremely upset every since she got sick on March 23, 2018 it’s like I was grieving then even though she hadn’t died yet. I feel like out of my immediate family I took it the hardest because me and my mom were extremely close, very close. We cooked together, had fun together and shared so many loving memories with each other. I honestly don’t know how in the World I will be able to cope with her being gone. Whenever I had a problem I would always run to her because I know she could fix it and she always did. I’m not close at all with my father so turning to him for Love and support during this difficult time is IMPOSSIBLE. I have 2 sisters but I don’t associate AT ALL with one of them and the other one lives further away. I have been praying to God for a divine intervention because the pain I have endured and is enduring is hurtful. My faith in God is literally the only the thing that’s keeping my alive and running. I feel as though when my mom died I DIED along with her. I have not been the same since. To had experience all the pain and suffering my mommy had gone through really tore a big hole in my heart and soul. She died right before my eyes in the hospital in which was the most traumatizing experience I’ve ever had in my life! Family has told me “Oh, you’ll be fine” or “Oh, she’s in a better place” I mean I know but gosh I just lost my mama right before my eyes!! How in the hell are we as suffering human beings suppose to forget and heal so quickly from the death of loved ones??!? I am completely torn on the inside I really wish she didn’t leave me...

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Hi Xavier, I’m so sorry you lost your mom. That to me is the worst pain In the world. My mama died last May and I’m not the same person either and will never be. Like you, only God has kept me going. If not for him, I would’ve dropped dead by now.  I feel like a shell of my former self, so I can totally relate to your post. Like you, I was and still am traumatized seeing my mama dying in the hospital, watching them do CPR on her. It was so surreal. I felt like I was outside my body watching the whole thing. 

Grief is one of those things you can’t rush through.  You have to take one day at a time, even when you feel like you’re going crazy.  It sucks when you don’t have the right support structure. I relate to that too. You aren’t alone in your pain. I pray that God will help you through this.

Thank you Joy I’m living through a very difficult time in my life right now it seems as if it’s never going to get better but I pray daily and ask God to help me through this. And I understand you where you’re coming from I know for you seeing that sight of your mom getting CPR was hell for you I know you felt like dying with her! Because honestly I thought I was gonna die along with my mom when they pronounced her dead. It’s an extremely weird feeling to not having her here anymore...

Joy I’m glad I can connect with you and others here to help me cope with my grief I pray that God brings us all out of this because it’s a very difficult time for us all. It’s very scary I almost feel like I’m living in a nightmare daily, a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

Xavier, your post touched me in a way that only another grieving person can understand.  Our situations are very silmilar. I cried reading it because I can feel from your words how much you love her.  I love my mama too. We were extremely close. I think sometimes kids think their parents will live forever.  I lost my dad 16 years ago, I grieved for him, but his death does not even compare with losing mom. I loved him, but wasn’t as close to him. 

I don’t want to live in this world without my mom. I’m not suicidal, but I have asked God to take me because I can’t cope. The idea of never seeing her again this side of heaven is too much. I think about her all day every day.  Sometimes when I’m at work, I get distracted and then I think that I need to call mama about something. Only to realize she’s gone.  She lived with me and I took care of her.  So I’m constantly reminded of her absence every day. I know how you feel about your life being a nightmare. I wake up with panic attacks.  It’s gotten a little better as she’s been gone a little over a year now, but mornings are still hard as we would talk and drink coffee together.  

I take it from the picture that’s you and your mama. You look just like her. I feel scared a lot too. I’m a grown woman but I feel like an orphan.  

I had to face her illness and death alone, so this has helped me to be more compassionate to others going through similar situations.  Let’s stay in touch and support one another.  I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through so I want to help you if only to give you encouragement. 

There are a lot of other people on this board who are very caring.  I hope this helps if even a little bit.  I’ll be praying for your peace and strength.  

Hi Xavier. 

This is Avi from India. I lost my mom on 15 May 18 due to Cancer. 

I can understand each and every word on your post as she died in front of me in the hospital. More to add to my agony is that I was not near to her when she died, I was with my family outside ICU consoling my father and sister. Then when I came inside, she was gone and I could not say last goodbye to my dear mom and not the last kiss on her forehead. She suffered immensely for 20 days after the blood transfusion and I still believe that she was supposed to live long. 

In such grief, you are bound to be upset and feel devastated but the biggest setback for humans is that they can question the boss, the government but not the almighty. In this case, you can just accept with a hope that someday you will be united with your loved one somewhere. 

I am so sorry for your loss.

I gain strength from the hope we have for the future. I believe that we WILL be reunited with our loved ones.

The Bible gives us this promise:

 John 5:25 — “Most truly I say to you, the hour is coming, and it is now, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who have paid attention will live.

We even have recorded events in the Bible when loved ones were reunited by a resurrection. One of them is here:

Mark 5:41,42 — Then, taking the hand of the child, he said to her: “Talʹi·tha cuʹmi,” which, when translated, means: “Little girl, I say to you, get up!” 42 And immediately the girl rose and began walking. (She was 12 years old.) And at once they were beside themselves with great ecstasy.

This is Account is about a 12 year old girl who had died. When Jesus ressurected her the family was “beside themselves with great ecstasy.”

We will feel that way to...when we are reunited with our loved ones. 

I know now it doesn’t take your pain and loneliness away, but if it gives you HOPE,  then you may be able to cope a little better. 

Thanks Dennis. Your statement has given a lot of hope to me who wishes that I will be reunited with my mother some day some where. 

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